


Tired

by PainsEnvying



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Biting, Blood, Bloodplay, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Baggage, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Flirting, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Lemon, Lime, Making Love, Manga Spoilers, Multi, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Female Character, POV First Person, Polyamory, Polygamy, Post-Female Titan Arc, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Self-Insert, Sex, Slow Build, Smut, Spoilers, Swearing, Teasing, Threesome - F/M/M, Tickling, Titan Shifter Reader, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-01-07 12:27:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 78,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12232821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PainsEnvying/pseuds/PainsEnvying
Summary: You're a titan shifter who's fled for multiple reasons, one being a mid-life crisis of sorts, being around 30-years-old. You get along with male and female cadets equally, but quickly develop a strong sibling bond with Reiner, to both of your delight. He's the brother you've always wanted and you're the sister he never had with the elusive Annie, whom is still captured and self-imprisoned in her crystal. Things change for the better and/or worse when you unexpectedly develop feelings for Bertolt. Even if you hadn't, you soon find out some lives were meant to intertwine with yours.





	1. Integration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were found in the dead of night outside of Scout headquarters disheveled and wrapped in a somewhat tattered lab coat. This excites Hange, but the titan marks left on your human form didn't go unnoticed. The Scouts have had excellent luck with Eren's help, so you're recruited as a Scout and researcher not unlike Hange except you are to be researched yourself. She, Erwin, and Levi understandably keep a constant eye on you as you get integrated, especially since you didn't disclose everything. Whispers of your arrival spread as the higher-ups were more preoccupied than usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're short, at least Levi's height of 5'3", no more than ~5'5". An ambivert, you enjoy your alone time, people-watching, and walk softly but carry a big stick. Once you warm up, you become pretty close but are very wary due to your age and past experiences. You may wear your heart on your sleeve but refrain from talking about it.
> 
> Delayed/altered canon events. Everyone's much older, mid-20s, since these kids are drawn looking like so in the anime for crying out loud.

It was more or less half past noon when Hange was walking me to the mess hall. It was finally time to meet the rest of the 104th Corp. I was to be integrated with them since they were relatively closer to my age and newer Corps did more missions to gain experience. The 104th were still a valuable asset, but most were needed just when absolutely necessary or to sharpen skills. This allowed wiggle room to perfect my combat skills and to work in research more.

The past couple of weeks have flown by yet it was starting to feel stale already. I was getting quite accustomed to Hange, Levi, and Erwin. Despite the understandable lack of complete trust, it was mutual and I felt relatively at ease. Did they know I withheld some information? Details? Most likely. But as did they. And as we collectively agreed were to the rest of the corp.

_"Are there others?" I asked stern but inquisitive. The veteran trio before me in Erwin's office needn't context._

_“As of now, just Jeager," Hange replied._

_"Heh, if you can't beat 'em..."_

I was told of the mess with Leonhart, still self-imprisoned. It was already a huge fiasco having Eren entrusted, then Annie's reveal was two massive steps back after working so hard to earn one step forward. Mistrust renewed, the prospect of traitors among them for the most part gone after all these years but not forgotten. The battle between the Attack and Female ended within the walls, resulting in more injuries and death, earning understandable wariness in the back burner of those who were there.

 _What a fucking hypocrite,_ I remember thinking to myself. _The boy not only stands out as the only known shifter still active in this Corp but his thirst for vengeance has blinded him and presumably most of these other kids._ I was told these kids were not too much younger than I. Some, like Jeager and his closest friends, 24, others 25. I barely remember my mindset in those years. I remember feeling damn wise beyond my years then compared to my mid-teens, even late teens and early 20s. Even more so now. I bet the mental maturity differences will feel about the same, just shifted. _But damn, if Jeager still has that end goal in mind, he's incredibly naïve. Oh-ho-ho, he has no idea. I’m told he expressed remorse, but it doesn't last long and continues to remain narrow-sighted, ends justifying means._

We arrived at the mess hall. My social anxiety caught up, but I hid it well. Hange beamed at me. "Ready, _____?"

I smiled meekly and heavily exhaled a 'yeah.' I attempted to appear more at ease by releasing my arms to my sides from their folded positions behind the small of my back.

I was briefed on the Corp among other things with the trio. Basic information via records. A decent mixture of personalities. A few general things stood out when glancing at everyone's photographs. Some looked older than others, one had a buzz cut, a small percentage of blondes, male to female ratio disproportionate. I would just have to see what these people were like first-hand. Hopefully at peace and on my own terms.

Not looking forward to being the center of attention when Hange will formally introduce me. The Corp were informed this morning I'd be joining them, but wrapping up with the veterans this morning took longer than anticipated.

Hange puffed a small sigh through her nose, sensing my apprehension. "You'll be fine," she reassured.

We entered the bustling mess hall together and she needn't get their attention. The noise quickly died down and everyone finally got to see the rumored newcomer. I stiffened and kept a straight if not slightly nervous face that went undetected. I immediately darted my eyes about, noting the obvious cliques. Most sat in groups of twos and threes, a few in fours. Most of the men stared with neutral to curious eyes, a couple had warm smirks on their lips. A couple of the few women had curious, wide-eyed looks, a couple remained completed impenetrable.

"Good afternoon, everyone!" Hange said, ever enthusiastic. "Allow me to introduce to you your new comrade whom you'll be training with later this afternoon."

I caught her gaze on me with my peripheral vision and instinctively gave a quick nod and saluted. "_____, pleasure to meet you all." My voice was loud and clear, albeit I spoke faster than intended. "I look forward to working with you," I said looking at the back of the wall dead ahead of me after quickly giving eye contact to various soldiers. Hange released a big, toothy smile, pleased that I was able to make a solid, assertive first impression.

She casually laid her hand on my back just below my nape and motioned to where I could grab a tray of food. She laid the same hand on my shoulder closest to her and gave it a light squeeze.

"I need to get back to work. I eat most of the time at the lab anyway. Let us know if you need anything. Enjoy, and have fun! I'll see you later," and she nearly bounced out through the doors. I was a bit taken aback that she had to leave so soon, but being the passionate scientist she is I understood and should have known better.

I uttered a small, quiet sigh and looked back ahead of me. Most were still staring, some went back to eating quietly while doing so. Anxiety started to warm back up inside but I snapped out of it and sighed, eyelids lowering slightly. I made my way over to get a tray of food but stopped after about a meter. "I know, savor this moment, kids. I realize how unusual this is. Let me grab some food first."

Taking my time to gather my tray, I edged the wall when I came back out and found a mostly unoccupied bench towards the back and side. Most went back to finishing their meals and socializing, some made a note of my return and made their way towards me, nearly at the same time. _These must be the more extroverted of the bunch._

As much as I wanted to eat and observe, two pairs of people coming over wasn't too big a deal. This is to be expected, and everyone else was respectful enough to wait until later.

I straightened my back up in preparation and to boost confidence.

A very well built and confident blonde was making his way towards my side of the bench. His even taller and leaner friend followed suite, but he had a very different demeanor. He didn't maintain his eye contact as well, lips pursed, a bit of sweat on his temple. _I don't blame ya one bit, that's how I often feel_. The blonde walked almost with a strut, was one of the very few with a smirk, and perhaps a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

I subconsciously smirked in return and eyed the other pair making their way to sit opposite of me.

"Oy, I'm Connie, what's your name?"

"Connieee!" the girl with the half-eaten loaf of stale bread in hand whined. "She just said!" rolling her eyes.

The blonde sitting to my left chuckled into a face palm. He sat with his legs outside, torso facing me, left elbow on the table and right hand on his hip. I could barely see his friend on his other side, but I could tell he sat comfortably inside the bench, leaning forward slightly to quietly observe, long forearms folded in front haphazardly holding his elbows. His face remained stoic, unlike the other three.

"Wha–? Sor-rey!" He may have been more annoyed she caught his mistake.

"No worries," I chuckled and extended my hand. "I understand. Pleasure to meet you, Connie." He happily snapped back to me and eagerly gave my hand a firm shake, all signs of prior embarrassment gone.

"And I'm Sasha, _____," she placed heavy emphasis on my name while glancing at Connie and uttered a small giggle. I gave her hand a firmer shake than she gave me. Connie groaned and rolled his eyes a bit. I chuckled a little hardier this time.

"Again, it's okay, I'm bad with names but good with faces, like most. I got a lot more work cut out for me than you guys."

Sasha happily munched on her bread, and she and Connie aimed their gaze at the blonde next to me, awaiting his introduction. His right hand left his hip to land on my right shoulder with a good, audible pat, squeezing firmly and not letting go. I hoped he was impressed that I barely moved and took his force in stride.

"Oy, I'm Reiner, and this here's Bertolt," he glanced over and thumbed behind him with his unoccupied hand. Bertolt hunched over forward more to make eye contact, meekly smiled, and nodded. We were too far apart to shake hands, but I was fine with simply returning his smile and nod albeit both bigger than his. _He's too damn meek for his own good. Can't read 'im while these others made solid first impressions_ , I thought. "Don't mind him," Reiner chuckled. "Hopefully Bertl'll warm up to you soon enough to say a few words." His friend glanced at him and uttered a breathy, slightly embarrassed chuckle as Sasha giggled into her finger. "Cannot wait to train with you and show you the ropes!" Reiner beamed, as did the others, though Bertolt more minimally.

 _This I could get used to,_ I thought. Initial anxiety was all but gone, and it was actually nice to get to know others more casually, unlike two-thirds of the veteran trio. They were good people, from what I could tell, but the two men were pretty much all business.

_It's been a long time. I think I miss these moments._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this is my first serious work of fanfiction and definitely first publication. So I'm actually pretty anxiety and apprehensive, to be honest, but feedback, constructive criticism, grammar/spelling errors, questions, are welcome. After reading xl_tt's "Can't fix a peaceful story" and discovering the format of self-inserts, the plot bunnies bred. As such, I prefer writing in first-person because I think it reads better and smoother, same reason for omitting [y/n], [h/c], [e/c], etc. I hope the first, short chapter whet your whistle because I wound up writing a beast; I intended to finish before the semester began in late August, but failed. It's mostly complete though. I hope to add a chapter every weekend, maybe more than one, given how many I wrote already. Pretty self-indulgent, expect a lot of smut and eventual serious relationships, but I know I'm not alone and am happy to contribute to the small but passionate Bertl and Reiner fanbase.


	2. Brotherly Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your love for physical training is rekindled quickly, and it was a fun and interesting way to get to know the 104th Corp. You look forward to sessions and are on a first name basis with nearly everyone already. "Big brother" Reiner's gravitated towards you as the new "kid" and subconsciously as something else. Bertolt is warming up and talking a bit more around and to you, but he's still a bit stoic, maybe even wary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Group dynamics for the most part remain the same, but some you definitely connect and talk to with more than others. Sasha loves having a female friend a bit more extroverted than Mikasa, although she approaches you first almost all the time. You have a warm, friendly relationship with Marco and like to tease, even flirt with Jean who's often annoyed with you but in lil' brother way. Mikasa has an excellent sparing relationship with you, Eren is indifferent and continues to keep to her and Armin. Armin enjoys having more private, heavily intellectual conversations with you, which you adore.
> 
> Warnings: A few swears, shift to third-person language as I elaborate on Bertolt's thoughts, and rough-housing with Reiner towards the end finishing off with a patented Reiner tickle attack.  
> EDIT (07/20/18): made it second-person because I've become more comfortable with it in future chapters and it flows and reads so much better. Apologies, always a learning process.

With a satisfying _thud_ , I successfully slam Mikasa to the ground again and practice more on locking and binding her with my limbs as she taught me. The impact of backside to solid earth would make most groan, but Mikasa took it in perfect stride, unfazed. When we were satisfied with my progress, I removed myself from her and extended a hand to help her up.

"Very good. You're making excellent progress and will master it soon," she said with a hint of pride swirled in her usual, nearly monotone voice. She was a few inches taller than I and took it upon herself to teach me how to take on those larger than I. While a bit thinner, she was also naturally stronger and more skilled, being humanity's second-best. Practicing with another woman first was the best way to go. Perfection before progression. Speaking of...

"Great session, as always," I huffed and beamed, clasping my right hand to hers in thanks. She was merely breathing a little harder than normal as I satisfyingly panted. Her face remained nearly exactly the same as I placed my fists on my hips. As soon as Mikasa's arm gracefully swung down back to her side, I gasped and yelped as two massive arms sprung forward at my sides and hooked up, lifting me several centimeters off the ground.

"Oy, f-fuck, _Reiner_!" I groaned. His head, complete with wide, mischievous grin poked through my right shoulder as he effortlessly held my armpits in his elbows. My forearms could barely flail but my hips and legs could, albeit to no avail. This isn't the first time he's locked onto someone like this from behind, clearly. Mikasa stood still, simply darting her eyes on to me, to Reiner, to me, to Reiner, then to me one last time at perfectly even time intervals.

She completely ignored Bertolt, who was a bit behind and to Reiner's side, according to her peripheral vision. His mouth was slightly agape, hand lazily in air as if he had any say in Reiner's antics. He quickly eased up, simply sighing into a small smile despite the ever-present temple sweat.

"What now, huh?" Reiner teased.

"Yeah, _what_ now?" I asked eyeing Mikasa.

"...You'll be fine," she uttered as she turned to head towards Eren and Armin, who were further out relaxing. Few groups remained at this time. Those that did were either socializing, goofing off (Connie and Sasha), or extra dedicated.

I groaned long and aloud in defeat, knowing I was at the mercy of the 104th's big brother. I limbered up, tilted my head onto my left shoulder more, and rolled my eyes towards to sky. I felt the full force of his arms squeezing into me now that I ceased struggling. My fingers grew a tad cold and tingled ever slightly.

"Bertl, you got any advice on what _____ should do here?" Reiner quipped as he turned towards his best friend. My limbs, more so my legs, comically swung with his turn like a floppy puppy being shown off.

"Yes, please, anything since Mikasa left me high n' dry," I eyed the even taller brunette. My head tilted skyward, and I lightly bit my lower lip hoping for some good pearls of wisdom.

"I-I don't know, Reiner," he peered at the blonde behind my shoulder. "Whatever _-____ thinks is best," he looked back at me with a warm open-mouth smile while gently rubbing the nape of his neck. "You've been training well with Mikasa, after all."

I groaned less dramatically but more in defeat.

"Yeah, see? 'High n' dry'? If the top of the class says you'll be fine, you'll be fine. When she knows, she knows. Come, let's go for a little walk while you think of something."

He turned about face and causally started a stroll towards the middle of the training field without a shift in position of his arms. Bertolt followed behind by a couple of strides with a small smile and forearms crossed behind him at ease.

Your dynamic with Reiner was a welcome sight for Bertolt. It was always good to see him as a soldier and having a new Scout on board brought out the big brother in him like it was training years all over again. Sure, youwere older by some years but none could tell. You looked younger than are and got along with the veterans just as much as the 104th. Being socially adaptable was a great skill to possess. And more often than not, you wound up hanging out with he and Reiner than the others.

Bertolt's smile faded only slightly while following Reiner and you. Some of this was familiar, some of it completely new. A niche was starting to be filled, and he was a bit conflicted with it, if he had to be honest with himself.

Just moments ago, he was unapologetically gawking at you and Mikasa's training, which he did every time. If anyone noticed, they figured it was because he was checking out how the new girl was holding up, as everyone did at some point. But Bertolt looked with a slight pained anguish in his eyes and mouth, which did not go unnoticed by Reiner. The warrior in Reiner noticed with a frown.

 _I know it's been longer than anticipated, Bertl._ Bertolt recalled an earlier conversation with Reiner. _Years. And even longer considering you've been staring at Annie most of your life. But once we're done and home, you should tell her how you feel._

He knows it's been years. He knows he needs to be patient for the mission's sake. And by gods, has he been patient. There have been some damn good close calls where Reiner almost nonchalantly blew their cover, but he managed to somehow stop it.

The burden of holding Reiner's two halves together plus his own inner torments built up throughout the years did have one minor positive aspect hidden within it. With Annie out of the picture for so long, he thought of her less and less and found himself accepting what was most likely the inevitable. Although he never spoke about his feelings for her aloud, he was told his actions did all the speaking for him. But she was oblivious. Not just to Bertolt but to everyone. A loner and definitely the most mission-focused. Only one of the top ten to join a branch other than the Scouts, the Military Police, which were the polar opposite. He was more and more accepting of the very real possibility that she wouldn't reciprocate. Out of sight, out of mind.

That was until you quite literally came out of nowhere. You responded to Reiner's antics perfectly. But his heart ached seeing Mikasa teach you what Annie taught Eren then Mikasa herself. That's what Reiner saw before he uncrossed his burly arms, smirked, and slapped the back of his fingers on Bertolt's shoulder as if to say 'watch this.'

"R-Reiner...!" he gasped quietly as Reiner began to sneak up on the pair. He knew Mikasa would notice but give zero indication to you, your back completely facing him.

This was bittersweet, but he felt himself embracing it slightly more. Perhaps Reiner needs this. He probably does, too. It's a welcome distraction, a good one. You're not Annie, but maybe if things had been a bit different... He shook his head mentally at the thought. He misses her, a little more recently now that some old reminders picked at him like a child to a scab. But it was damn good to see Reiner happy more often and perhaps this woman could fill in something Annie couldn't, whether it was comradery, friendship, or siblinghood. Reiner and Annie always had a tense relationship, to say the least, which pained Bertolt. You still had barely revealed much about yourself, and Bertolt even more. He told himself to take things one day at a time and savor these moments.

"Connieeee, Sashaaaa..." you half-assed a groan as Reiner made his way towards the pair.

For a brief second, Bertolt got elated to what possibilities lay ahead but swallowed them and reminded himself to stay in the moment.

"Oy?" Connie turned his head towards the three of us. Sasha did, too, her eyes fairly wide while Connie remained indifferent if not a little tired. _I remember those days_ , he mentally snickered.

"I need to get a damn gorilla off my back. Advice?" I asked.

Connie yawned. "Sorry, you're pretty much screwed." Reiner snickered, slightly twisting his torso to make my limp legs swing a little. He still had a child-like 'look at what I got!' mentality about himself.

"My arms are gonna get gangrene any minute now..." I groaned.

I recalled Connie, Reiner, and Bertolt sometimes would go out for drinks upon noticing again how cool my fingertips felt. "’Ey, I’ll buy you a drink! My treat. Sasha, I can get you some fresh food, too!" Reiner boomed a "HA!" and Bertolt chuckled softly behind us.

Connie and Sasha lit up instantly, but their expressions almost immediately melted upon still failing to come up any advice. Connie yawned and Sasha shrugged before starting to walk back to the private quarters. Sunset was drawing near.

" _There's_ an idea, but too bad it didn't work," Connie pointed. "I'll take you up on that offer some time, though!"

"You didn't do anything, you little shit...!" I barked.

"You didn't say we _had_ to!" Sasha laughed as she skipped through the empty field, save for the three of you. Everyone else had left already.

I felt Reiner's chuckle deep in his chest against my back. "We're not leaving until you come up with something."

"I know," I sighed. "It's just that—" and with all my might, I swung my legs back on either side of him and swung forward to crash my hips into him. He groaned hard and stumbled backwards a couple of steps, hunched forward slightly. I repeated the motion, this time landing my feet on his thighs and bent forward. I twisted towards the right, and Reiner followed through, landing us on our right sides. I took advantage of his shock and rolled out and away a couple of meters from him. I positioned myself in a kneel with my right arm fully outstretched, facing him, ready to pounce back on him if needed. I glanced at Bertolt, standing wide-eyed with mouth agape, and I smirked triumphantly. Looking back at Reiner, however, I furrowed my brows and focused completely on him like a big cat ready to pounce.

"The hell was that...?!" Reiner looked taken aback but I could hear he was pleasantly impressed.

I shook my head a little, shrugged, and cocked an eyebrow while maintaining my position. _Whatever it fucking took, maybe?_

Before I knew it, he tackled me during that brief moment I was unfocused. We wrestled and rough-housed for a while, trying to pin each other down within the radius. Bertolt took a seat on the ground, loosely hugging his bent knees and observed with a small smile.

At some point, I was on top of Reiner trying to control his fists and arms when I took a briefly freed hand, dug my fingers into his ribs, and raked them down. He yelped and instantly froze with an odd, contorted face on him. I froze on top of him, especially when he locked his eyes on mine. "Ohhhh, you shouldn't do that..." his warning was intensely threatening.

I shivered before he flipped us around, sitting on my hips and pinning both my wrists high above my head.

"Don't. Do that. I can't stand it," he warned, his free index finger one centimeter in front of my mouth. Not unlike a child, I growled and licked as much of it as I could before attempting a bite, but Reiner had already retracted.

"Ohh, ho-ho, so that's how it's gonna be...?" he smirked as he wiped his finger off his shirt. Reiner took the now dry finger and lightly raked it down the sensitive, exposed underside of an upper arm.

"AHH-ahh, oh gods, please...!" I instantly shook and started to mildly panic, wide-eyed. A nervous smile curled. Neither of us noticed Bertolt get a little tense, jaws lightly clenched, sweat accumulating on his temple.

"Please what?" Reiner teased.

"Please, just... ah...! I, nggh..." a hot blush washed my cheeks as I couldn't articulate an answer that would satisfy him and simply clenched my teeth preparing for the worst. Say you're ticklish, someone'll tickle you. Say you're not, someone'll tickle you.

"What, this? What about _this_?" he asked digging his free hand's fingers into my armpit, down to that side's ribs, then back up to the same armpit in quick, rapid twitches.

I shrieked and buckled my back upwards as high as it could before slamming it back down to earth and shifted as far away from his dancing fingers as much as I could to no avail.

He laughed heartily upon hearing this kind of laughter from me for the first time. Feeling my legs kicking wildly behind him, he briefly unlocked his knees on my hips to shift a bit lower to sit on my thighs enough to prevent me kicking him from behind. He took advantage of the additional space to dig into my other side's armpit and ribs, wildly alternating all over without any clear pattern. He was very careful to avoid even accidentally grazing my chest.

Exhaustion quickly caught up, and I was forced to struggle less. Falling into silent, helpless laughter, I stopped thrashing my head and forced it down on the side, facing Bertolt, and laughed out loud into my upper arm. My cheeks were hot and red, and I finally managed to open my eyes with tears held in their corners as Reiner was easing his attack. When I locked eyes with Bertolt, my laughter came to a sudden halt and my jaw hung open. _Wha—what the hell...?_ I thought.

The setting sun's burnt orange bathe failed to hide a nearly raging blush on his cheeks. I was impressed his wide eyes remained locked on mine; I would've instantly darted them away. But he did a couple of seconds later in a delayed reaction. I moaned, keeping my eyes on him, and laughed through my throat onto my arm more at his reaction than anything since Reiner had more or less stopped. _That is so adorable..._ Neither I nor Bertolt knew that Reiner, too, had noticed.

"Alright, I think you've learned your lesson." Reiner got up and extended an arm downward to help me up. "It's a little past sunset anyway."

Once I was fully on my feet, I fell forward and plopped my head onto the front of his shoulder for support. "Ugh, fuck you..." I groaned into him before a last wave of chuckles escaped my throat recalling the sensations just moments ago. "I cannot do that every day; I'd rather get kicked around in the stables."

"Okay, so not _every_ day, but—"

"Shut it," I cut Reiner off.

Reiner chuckled and propped me up on his side to help walk me. I welcomed the help and waved my free arm motioning for Bertolt to join me on my other side.

"'Ey, c'mere," keeping my head lowered facing forward. I could walk but having them helped. Mikasa was good enough training as is, but coupled with the rough housing means one hell of a sore body tomorrow.

"In all seriousness, I think Mikasa has a point. That technique is meant to take on the likes of me. I'll work on that with you, and I'm sure Bertl will be glad to help as well."

"Y-yeah," Bertolt swallowed. Reiner noticed he kept his gaze dead forward. Reiner smirked, gears turning in his head remembering it's been years since he's blushed while gawking at a woman.

Bertolt kept his eyesight straight but his thoughts were racing as he spaced out on the way back to the barracks. The arched back. Bucking hips. Squirming torso. Piercing laughter. Begging, pleading. Chest heaving into breathy pants. Burning blush and thin glaze of glistening sweat on her skin in the sunset. It was very rare to see and hear any of those from a soldier in these times, let alone a woman, and all at once. And it hit him all at once like a brick in the face when her eyes locked onto his. _D-damn..._ he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed your bonding session with Reiner and Bertolt, the latter unbeknownst to you. Things between you and Bert will gain traction very soon.
> 
> Even though I'm American, I like to maintain the Germanic influence and keep units of measure metric, hope you appreciated that lil' touch. Plus, American scientists abide by the metric system, anyway.
> 
> I actually might edit the plot-related elements as I upload to better reflect motives and personalities. Luckily it won't be too much or by much since some things will be dramatically different (i.e. certain characters staying alive). I know it shouldn't be a big deal, this is a self-insert fan fic after all; the point's to live out a relationship with character(s), but still. I'd hate to do injustice.
> 
> Comments, critiques, questions, love, all welcome!


	3. What Are You Doing Here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a few weeks since the last chapter. Reiner has been egging Bertolt on about you. Bertolt knows he should do something about it, since he probably lost all opportunities with Annie forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swears, Jean sass, and emotional hurt/comfort to promote relationship development.

I've been going through accelerated, private, informal Survey Corp training while working with Hange in research. There was no use in having me train with kids half my age, especially when I arrived not completely ignorant. I noticed Bertolt had gotten more nervous as he helped me master gears lately, but I did my best to ease him without bringing attention to avoid embarrassing him.

It was early evening when Hange and I entered the mess hall in heated, passionate talks. Many cocked their eyebrows, a few groaned hearing Hange's tangent, but we were locked in conversation and hadn't noticed.

"Where should we sit, _____?" Hange bounced while keeping her tray of food steady. She never came here to eat opting to do so near wherever she found herself working that day. But today was exceptional, she had to trail me so we could continue to converse.

I motioned for a table towards the back. Reiner and Bertolt were sitting next to each other near one end, Jean and Marco side by side on the opposite edge. Hange and I sat in the middle on the same side as the latter pair. I nodded at Jean and Marco as I passed by as both had turned to see me approach. Macro gave a sweet smile and wave, Jean nodded with a cocked eyebrow. I gave a more enthusiastic "hi" to Reiner and Bertolt, who were happy to finally see me tonight but much more curious if not a little confused. I realized this was the first time anyone in the 104th had seen me in a lab coat. Hange and I pushed our trays forward enough to make room for simple notebooks, haphazardly reaching over to eat, which we barely allowed, in between scribbling down notes to expand upon later.

A flurry of jargon rippled to anyone in adjacent tables. Protocols, controls, biases, methods, materials.

"What is this ' _she_ ' you keep talking about?" Jean finally snapped.

"I got a new babyyyy!" Hange squealed and hugged me. I reciprocated her nuzzling into my cheek. "And it's a GIRL! After losing Sonny and Bean, I never thought I'd be ready again, but when we found and captured her, I knew I was finally ready again!" she choked back tears.

"But that was–?! _How_ many fucking years ago?!" Jean quipped.

"For someone who seemingly doesn't give a shit, you certainly quickly remembered about how long ago that was," I countered. "Don't worry, we'll invite you to the naming ceremony."

"Who the hell caaares..." he deflated his tone and went back to finishing his meal.

Hange was not fazed, but I took advantage of Jean making the mistake of letting me know he was annoyed. I nudged Hange, gave her, Reiner, and Bertolt a wink, and walked over and behind Jean.

"Hange, what about this fine specimen over here, 'ey?" I said while outstretching Jean's arms to examine and feel them up. Hange instantly held back loud snickers and scooted closer to squiggle half-assed notes in her notebook. "How do you think she'd react to the best damn stallion the Corp has to offer? These magnificent limbs, strong shoulders, and GORGEOUS mane, my gods." I hugged Jean's head and nuzzled my cheek into his hair before roughing it up with my hand. I succumbed to his verbal protests and flails and released him.

"I think she would LOVE him! We'll just have to introduce him and see!" Hange giggled.

Jean was sputtering incoherent gibberish and swears to tame his embarrassment and pink cheeks. Marco uttered a sincere giggle.

"Such a lady's man, Jean. It's amazing you don't have a herd of fine mares around you. But you'll have Marco here to take you out to stud, in the least, no?" Marco timidly blushed and rubbed his nape.

Hange nearly choked on suppressed laughter and slammed her back onto the bench and clasped her hand over her mouth as tight as possible.

"That's it, I'm outta—" Jean stood to storm out, but I caught him and motioned for a hug, which he reluctantly accepted.

"Hey, hey, no need for theatrics. I'm sorry, okay? You know I just love messing with you. Did I go too far?" I was use to him getting embarrassed and annoyed with me, but perhaps this was a bit too much. Jean simply stiffened with clenched jaws, avoiding eye contact.

I sighed. "Okay, feel free to get me back anytime as you see fit," I bargained while giving his upper back a few reassuring rubs. "Deal?"

"Tsk, deal." He sat back down to quickly finish his meal and left with Marco not long after. Hange had left with our notebooks soon after them to let me finish eating and recuperate.

"Deepest apologizes that I couldn't see you even at dinner tonight," I told Reiner and Bertolt and yawned. Bertolt barely shook his head and Reiner gave an 'it's no problem.' I gave them a very brief, general rundown of my work with Hange since I didn't even disclose that to them yet. I had no doubt gotten closer to them than anyone else here so I felt I owed them that much.

I quickly finished my meal and excused myself, telling them I'll be outside for a bit and that I'd hope to see them tomorrow.

Reiner noticed I left my lazily folded lab coat on the bench and quietly grabbed it when I was halfway out the mess hall. As soon as the doors closed behind me, Reiner slapped the coat onto Bertolt's chest.

"Go. Take this to her," he said flatly.

Bertolt gulped. "I could j-just take it to the l-laundromat or..."

"Nope," Reiner sighed. "I saw you just now. You got jealous. You weren't like that until recently." He easily recalled Bertolt's eyes were wide and focused, lips pursed, his face a shade lighter than normal just a few moments ago.

Bertolt exhaled deeply through his nose and looked down onto the empty tablespace before him. He knew he should.

"We've been discussing this. At least try to talk to her, we still barely know anything of her." Reiner leaned in. "Don't let opportunities go. Don't let history repeat itself."

Bertolt clenched his hands on the edge of the table and forced himself up. Reiner may have almost fucked up the mission multiple times, but damn if he wasn't right about this. And the reminder of losing all chances with Annie made his stomach twist. Leaving for fresh air sounded like a good remedy anyway.

* * *

It was just past sunset when someone managed to find me on a small hill facing the horizon. I heard someone approaching, so I slowly turned to face them so as not to startle either of us. I was surprised to realize it was Bertolt and not someone else.

"Um, you l-left this..." he muttered and almost awkwardly handed my lab coat to me.

"Oh shit, thank you," I almost whispered. "I didn’t mean for you to do that."

"It was–" he sat down cross-legged about a meter away from me, "–no problem."

I uncrossed my legs and bent them in front of me to rest my arms and chin on top of the knees and coat. “These are quite a hot commodity. The materials are solid, not anything you'd want to lose anytime soon. So, thank you."

Bertolt hummed in acknowledgement but keep looking forward. What few fiery colors were caught in the sunset were gone too quick as various shades of deep blue filled the sky.

After a few minutes of silence, I sighed. "This is nice."

He finally turned to me with a quiet "Hn?"

"This is _nice_. I like it here. I've met some good people. The area is beautiful. I enjoy being a Scout. I enjoy working. I like the idea of being here for a while."  _As long as you don’t say you're happy. You probably still don't deserve to be_ , I thought.

Bertolt mentally swallowed hard at the idea of the likes of him and Reiner being good people. _If only she knew_ , he thought. _Reiner is wrong, this is a mista_ – but quickly remembered that he might as well take a shot. Nothing to lose. He shifted his thought train on my curious, melancholy choice of words.

"So... w-what _are_ you doing here?"

My small smile melted. "...I don't know."  _I can't reveal too much._ "I want... purpose. To be someone. Do good. Make others happy. Be happy," I trailed off at the last statement, but Bertolt caught it.

"You weren't... before?"

I sighed and rubbed my face hard. "...No. Not really, come to think of it, no. I needed change. I was tired. I _am_ tired. In every sense of the word. I took matters into my own hands and left. And ran. And ran. Before I knew it, I wound up at the front door here. I was really apprehensive. Didn't know what to expect and was ready to bolt again if needed. But this place is slowly but surely growing on me." I sighed. "We’ll see."

"Ah."

I looked at him. He was sitting in a similar position as me now but looked noticeably more gloomy. I could barely see a sheen of olive green in his eyes from the strengthening moonlight underneath his long lashes. _She was very vague but_... Bertolt thought, _this is more than I have ever gotten out of Annie._ He slightly scrunched his face before laying down flat on his back. He cursed himself for overthinking things by relating it to Annie, again, and remembering the mission, albeit very delayed at this point.

"Hey," I scooted over to his side, sitting on the side of my hip and placing weight on a stiffened arm. "Are you okay?" He closed his half-lidded eyes. A small wave a guilt washed over me and made my heart ache ever so slightly. _Goddamn it, ____, don't you dare_... I cursed myself. "You've seemed more reserved lately than before. Even more so. No?"

Bertolt inhaled shakily and tensed a little before releasing it.

I sighed and grabbed the wrist of his left arm and coaxed it up. "Here, sit up." I held up his back with one hand as I walked on my knees to get behind him. Even when he's sitting, I had to stand on my knees to comfortably reach his shoulders, which I began massaging. "You're tense."

"I'm s-sorry."

I shook my head and sighed an apology. "No need to be, I didn't mean to lure anything bad out of your mind. I shouldn't have vented to you like that."

He simply shook his head, indicating he didn't mind. He uttered a single moan as I kneaded the sides of his spine with my knuckles.

"Good?" I asked in a slightly more peppy tone.

"Y-yes, thank you."

He still felt tense but less so. I keep the pressure on his muscles hard.

After a few moments of silence, I decided I should be polite and ask about him. I didn't want to ask anything too specific, since he didn't with me. "Bertolt, are _you_ okay? Are _you_ happy?"

He was motionless at first, but then gradually stiffened and pushed his torso forward. He took his right hand and cupped it hard against his mouth. I felt his shoulders shake, and the cupped hand vibrated against impending sobs.

 _Oh shit, oh fuck, oh god, what did I do...?! Fuck, fuck, fuck, what is going_ on... _?!_ Guilt-based panic washed over me.

Bertolt's inner dialogue no different. _Am I, am I?! I miss Annie, but you're here, and Reiner, and the mission, and the blood on my hands, why do I even bother, I am_ not _a "good person," you have_ no _idea, Annie did but even then, you're here but then Jean and messin' with Reiner, I don't deserve anyone, I don't deserve to be happy..._

All of his conflicting thoughts were crashing through his mind, essentially paralyzing him. I made my way to sit on his side and guided his free arm around me and his head on the front of my shoulder. He uncupped his hand to wrap it around my lower back and waist, as the other wrapped around to grasp across my shoulders. He sobbed open-mouthed but kept as quiet as he possibly could.

"Ah, I-I'm... s-s-sorry..." he choked.

I shook my head and almost apologized again but refrained. Chances are we'd just bounce around "I'm sorry"s. But I had to reassure him. It's devastating seeing anyone break down, let alone this sweet, quiet man. _Heh, it's always the quiet ones…_

"...I know I don't know you," I finally said. "At all. Probably never will completely. But I do know that whatever is bothering you, you don't deserve it. You don't have to tell me now. To anyone. Or ever. But you deserve to be happy." He squeezed his hands onto me painfully at that and shook. I pressed my lips against his hair, feeling his sweat and fought against kissing. I could see myself possibly doing so platonically to others, but I knew something deep inside me was brewing that was anything but platonic for this man suddenly.

"Listen. Please..." I pleaded.

Bertolt moaned and turned his head into me more to release another smaller wave of quiet sobs.

I was temporarily at a loss for words and allowed him to vent and finish. He slowly released me and righted himself but kept his head hung. I carefully cupped his face into my hands and gently forced him to look at me.

"Bertolt..." I locked eyes onto him and my heart dropped to my stomach. His eyes were swollen and bloodshot, but the olive green shine the moonlight provided pierced my soul. There was so much going on in there that I would have never guessed. And after this, I wanted nothing but for them to burn brightly.

I mouthed an 'I...' but no sound came out. I darted my eyes to the bottom corner and simply guided his forehead to rest on mine. I closed my eyes and sighed, feeling the sting of tears welding in the corners of my eyes. I did not want him to see. _Damn my empathetic ass._

"I'm sorry," I finally said, rubbing my thumb pads up and down his cheeks. "Just... take care of yourself."

He hummed and separated us only to thoroughly wrap his arms around me in a biggest, most genuine embrace he's given me to date.

"Thank you," he said while resting his head on my shoulder. I felt his warm, humid breathe ghost my ear. Speaking of warm...

A bubble of soft laughter escaped my chest, which he easily felt. "You are incredibly hot." He jolted and released his embrace, scrambling in place a bit. I laughed harder. "No, I mean, physically. Temperature. Not that you aren't _also_ hot," I winked and ruffled his warm, sweaty head, "but damn, my shirt is almost dry already."

Bertolt haphazardly straightened his hair and rubbed his nape nervously, a hot blush making itself known on his features. He stuttered a mixture of "sorry"s, "I"s, "uh"s, and "thanks"s.

I shook my head and jumped to my feet, grabbed my lab coat, and extended an arm out to him. "Come on, we should get going. It's late."

He gave an embarrassed, adorably awkward smile and helped himself up.

"You're too modest," I said. "No need to be embarrassed. Take a compliment."

Bertolt rubbed his nape again and chuckled.

"You easily give the likes of Jean a run for his money," I said hoping to boost his ego. "'Behold this magnificent chestnut beast with his beautiful dark chocolate mane and glowing green eyes. His mere presence makes the mares quiver in his wake—'"

"Y-you can s-s-top that now..." he was clearly embarrassed this time but nonetheless flattered. If I was flirting, he was just relieved and glad it was in the same manner as with Jean before.

"Alright, alright," I walked alongside him and reached up to reassuringly rub the shoulder blade opposite of me. It felt awkward having his other arm directly in between us, so I took it and draped it over my shoulders. He stiffened but knew he should allow it. "You're still a little too damn shy. I can help ya with that. And I'll stop teasing you."

He released a bit of tension and sighed in relief.

"Until tomorrow, that is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title was inspired by the recurring variations of "what are you doing here?" throughout the second season of BoJack Horseman.
> 
> The lil' "I know I don't know you..." monologue was largely a small part of something I wrote to someone in real life who I believe needed to hear those words. A part of me still wishes I knew what he thought of 'em, haha.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed this chapter. Things will pick up quite a bit next week, I promise.


	4. Research Expedition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’ve been slowly but surely getting closer to Bertolt, much to Reiner’s delight. But a two-week research expedition between you and Hange forces Bertolt to disclose more sooner than expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Some swears, fluff, hurt/comfort, and light lime.

 

"Two weeks...?" Reiner lowered his fork and cocked his eyebrow with concern.

"Yep, we're heading out in a couple of days." I said nonchalantly.

Bertolt shuffled in his seat across from me a bit. "Y-you couldn't tell us s-sooner?"

"I could've, but it's of no big concern of anyone's. I'll be fine."

"How many are going," Reiner made it more of a statement than question.

"Hange, a couple of research assistants, and I. We'll be _fine_ ," I was starting to get a little short with him and furrowed my brows. "It's in the mountains, we're mostly traveling at night, with a secure, undisclosed path and location."

"That doesn't sound like enough." Reiner dug back into his dinner with more gumption.

I peered at Bertolt since he hadn't said much besides that one question. His eyes darted about, often looking at me but were unable to stay in one place long. That coupled with his frown and sweaty temple spoke volumes.

* * *

The next day, word had gradually spread and some members of the 104th expressed concern and worry but ultimately wished me luck. Most of the day was spent hanging out with those I knew in as much of equal times as possible.

I had a good conversation with Armin about what the research was about, as much as I could disclose to him, anyway. Eren simply stated the obvious with a nod, Misaka did similarly but with more assurance knowing how well my skills have improved. Marco gave the sweetest, most sincere pep talk and "miss you"s and "be careful"s. Jean eventually did, after some coaxing.

The day before the expedition was mostly spent making final preparations. I had not actually seen much of Reiner and Bertolt since telling them at dinner the night before. I managed to have an early dinner with them since I should be trying to rest as much as possible before last-minute preparations. Keyword: should. I'd need the extra time to attempt to sleep since anxiety came out full force and would most certainly catalyze my insomnia.

Reiner still had hints of concern in his voice, but often laughed it off to make light of the situation once he got use to the idea. He easily calmed my mood but the same could not be said for Bertolt, who managed to get some chuckles out but was still showing stress.

When we left the mess hall, Reiner said his goodbyes and hoped he'd get a chance to see me a bit before I left tomorrow. He excused himself leaving just Bertolt and I. It was silently agreed between the two men that this would be an opportune time to be alone with me again; Bertolt needn't a reminder or coaxing.

* * *

"Better?" Bertolt's voice barely louder than a whisper.

"Mmm, yes, thank you."

It wasn't unusual for me to ease the poor boy with massages and platonic cuddling as he gradually got use to my touch, especially after that one night. Once he realized he could open up and be physically affectionate, it became something he knew he could count on with me and often sought. And I was increasingly happy to oblige. I suspected all he needed was to crack under me, as sad as it was to say. But he was getting better, slowly but surely becoming a natural. His large, dexterous hands was quite ideal. And I definitely needed soothing tonight. I had been busy both physically and socially the past two days in addition to the anxiety growing exponentially with every passing hour tonight.

Bertolt sighed and laid down on the hill. I scooted next to him and rested my head on his shoulder. Unfortunately, some mutual apprehension grew so I chose to break the silence.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you or anyone sooner. I didn't want it to be a cause for anyone's concern. Didn't think it would be, and it seems that way for most. But I know it'd hit you and Big Brother Reiner harder than others. For that, I apologize."

Bertolt inhaled deeply and exhaled just as slowly. I felt a huge twang of guilt. You'd think I'd know these two enough to know better yet I didn't.

"It's just... years ago, A-Annie..." he began and swallowed.

I turned my head towards him, eyes widened and mouth slightly agape. I haven't heard anyone speak much of her and never out of him.

I shifted to my side and extended an arm across his torso. "May I?" I asked before laying it down. He instantly nodded and placed his arm on top of mine as soon as it wrapped comfortably across his chest. His other arm rested across my shoulder and forearm. I kept my eyes on him while he stared straight ahead at the twilight sky. "Go on, you're doing great. I'm listening."

"We've—R-Reiner and I knew her for a long time. But s-she usually kept to herself. E-even if what happened during the 57th expedition didn't happen..." he paused to catch his breath, fighting tears. "Reiner k-knew. He t-told me to... tell her how I felt... the next time we got a chance." He tightened his hands against me and quietly forced a light flow of tears.

I couldn't help but notice a tightness in my own chest. Not allowing myself to be fooled, I knew it was a mixture of genuine concern and selfish jealousy. The pain became more apparent realizing perhaps I was becoming the new Annie of the trio. I felt a little betrayed, to be honest. Do he and Reiner care for _me_ or...? I had to swallow my pride and try not to take it personally, especially now. Bertolt needs someone to listen right now, not an insecure, jealous woman who barely knows him.

"He's right," I agreed. "You should have. Even if you couldn't predict what would happen to her, or you did tell her and she didn't reciprocate... You never know and should aim to get closure, in the least. I hope you learn to do so in the future." I relaxed a little. "Heh, remember what I said before about you being too shy?" I said with a smile, trying to lighten the mood. But I just noticed he had turned his head opposite of me completely. I sat up, concerned, and put weight on my arm, the other maneuvered to give him reassuring strokes. I frowned when I noticed a steady streams of silent tears, lips pursed and quivering.

"Bertolt...?" After a few more hard strokes on his arm, I slowly eased my hand under the hidden side of his face. His hot tears made his already warm skin warmer. I slowly forced his head to turn and look at me. He locked eyes, but I could see his jaws clenched tight.

"B-be careful. Come back," he managed to say.

I felt my heart skip a beat and eyelids tightened as a sting warned of possible tears. "I will. I'm not..." _don't say 'Annie'_  "...l-like that." Bertolt's eyes widen a bit as he stiffened, tear flow temporarily stopped. I sighed heavily. "I like it here. My work, the veterans, the Corp, Reiner—" I paused for only a second but it may as well lasted an hour. "— _you_. Right here, right now is all I've fucking got at the moment."

Bertolt continued to stare into me. I relaxed into a sigh and straightened up a little but kept my hand on his cheek to slowly wipe his tears dry. I'm glad he's opening up to me so much, but damn if it didn't hurt a lil'.

"I know how it is. Sort of." I sighed, once again, preparing to kill two birds with one stone by opening up to him and return a story of his with one of mine in hopes of relating to him more to put him at ease. "Not long before I arrived here, I had to part with someone. I told him how I felt. He didn't reciprocate, I wasn't surprised. But he still loved me as a friend and claims to have cared. But he left with a mutual friend of ours. She..." I sneered, "obviously wanted more out of him. Their problem, not mine. I just wish... I hadn't lost all contact with him." I began to dry his other cheek with my thumb. Bertolt instinctively placed a gentle hand on my cheek and rubbed circles with his thumb. I stroked the back of his palm with my free hand as thanks at the heartwarming gesture. "He could be happy, he could be sad, he could be dead. I have no idea. No fucking clue. Yes, I told him. But I don't know if he realizes how selfish and manipulative the other woman was. It still feels like some things went unsaid or unanswered." I finally looked back at him after staring at the grass next to him this whole time. His face had melted into the most beautiful sympathetic look I'd seen. "I know it's no consolation, but... I understand."

Venting like that poured out so much baggage that a wave of courage swelled inside me. _We've both felt the pain of the unknown, both need to fucking grow a pair when to comes to expressing ourselves... Why the fuck not. We're comfortable getting physically close. This research expedition shouldn't be dangerous, but it's a damn good excuse if I've ever seen one._

I slowly locked eyes with him again, took his hand off my cheek and gently pinned his wrist next to his head. It was so quiet tonight that I swore I heard his heart pounding out of his chest following his gasp. Or it could have been my heart. I slowly bent forward until our faces were only a couple of centimeters apart and placed my free hand on his cheek. Even slower, I pressed my forehead gently against his. He was frozen solid aside from quivering underneath me. _Don't make me regret this..._

"I'll come back... to you."

Before either of us knew it, in one smooth motion, I lifted my forehead off of his and pressed my lips hard against his. He gasped into me, eyes shot open as far as possible, and stiffened after the initial nearly full-body jolt. I held on and squeezed my eyes tight, hoping he'd relax soon and reciprocate.

After a tense few seconds, his arms snaked their way around me and sat us both up, holding onto the kiss. I was relieved. But it didn't last long as Bertolt initiated his own kiss, a little rough, needing. I uttered a startled moan but answered him just as hard. Our lips crashed hard and wildly as our hands almost frantically pawed at our backsides. I snaked a hand up through his scalp and gently pulled his hair to break us off. "W-wait..." I panted and maneuvered myself to sit in between his legs directly in front of him since sitting practically at his side was starting to take its toll on my lower back. Our legs bent into the lotus position, mine over his hips.

Bertolt went in towards my lips again, but I pulled him back again by the hair. He whimpered in protest and looked at me wantingly. I tilted my head to the side and began kissing all over his cheek and licking away any remnants of saltiness that remained from earlier. Bertolt moaned into the symbolic gesture and began massaging my scalp and upper back as thanks. He uttered a gasp, however, as I began to make my way along his jawline and down his neck.

"Ah, p-please..." he moaned as I attacked a particularly sensitive spot just below the corner of his jaw with sucks and light nibbles.

"Hm..." I hummed in protest continuing my work. This time, sucking hard, knowing I'd leave a mark.

"T-too m-much... f-f-for now... Ah, p-please..." he almost begged.

I extended an objecting moan into the spot and slowed but didn't stop. _Why am I not surprised this poor bastard is so sensitive? By gods, am I gonna have fun with him. Hopefully..._

"Stahhh-ahhhp..." Bertolt begged one last time before digging his long fingers into my sides for a hard but quick tickle. I yelped and broke free to shield myself. He enveloped me in his arms and quickly pushed my back against the ground. He grabbed my wrists and pinned them, and gently pressed his torso against mine as he attacked the side of my neck with a flurry of kisses, licks, and nibbles as revenge. I sang a chorus of moans with the occasional giggle. My squirming body beneath him was enough encouragement for him to continue.

"Ber-Berolt, ah, I..." I panted a minute or two later. He slowed to a stop and allowed me to catch my breath. He slowly released my wrists and gently embraced my head, and I wrapped my arms around his neck in response.

He sighed and began a trail of feather light kisses from his current spot at the crook of my neck up to my lips. This time, we kissed repeatedly slowly, with more certainty.

Bertolt only broke off to peer into my eyes. I smiled as he stroked the corner of my mouth with his thumb. I could see the moonlight illuminate the gorgeous olive-green color in his eyes and expected he could see the color in mine. His lips curled into a beautiful, wide smile before sitting himself up, taking me with him. He gently turned me around in my seat so I could rest my back against himself. He wrapped his arms completely around my torso and rested his head against a shoulder I gave him access to.

"Honestly, you're probably over thinking the expedition," I sighed. He hummed. "But I appreciate you opening up to me more tonight. And for prompting me to do the same. ...And then some," I gently bit my lower lip.

Bertolt simply hummed again and breathed steadily.

"...A-are you happy?" I finally asked. "Do you... want this?"

"Yes..." he sighed without much hesitation. "Yes."

We both turned to give each other one last long kiss for the night.

"I'm glad you found us," he said breaking off.

"I'll be back to find _you_. I promise. No need to worry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this soon after attending my first cuddle and empowerment workshop in the summer. It's nerve-racking at first, especially if you're shy, but it's surprising how quickly to get use to it. I'd imagine Bertolt would be an ideal cuddler once he gets into it.
> 
> Some other head canons came out here and, overall, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I have a busy weekend ahead of me, but I got a few more kudos and the hits about tripled since last week, so I figured taking time out to upload this would be worth it.
> 
> I hope you like smut, because things will *really* pick up next week.


	5. Dig Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some shenanigans ensue right before you leave for your expedition. When you return, you and Bertolt cannot help but release built up desires the past two-plus weeks produced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Lemon, swears. No full-blown intercourse yet but tons of oral. Line breaks are more for scenario/time changes, but smut will pick up after the double line break and will basically follow through until the end of the chapter (some heavy kissing precedes 'em if you're cool with that). So you can stop reading there if you're not into that. I like to write quite a bit of detail into my sessions, haha.

It was about an hour before sunset when final preparations were being made at the stables. We were to be leaving any minute now. Only a couple came out to bid farewell at the last minute.

"Have a safe trip, _____!" Armin piped. "All of you! I look forward to hearing about it!" The sweet, young man had given me his own hypothesizes and was curious to see if anything we will learn compared to his.

"Same. I mean, to discuss it with you," I yawned. I knew I wouldn't get much sleep the night before, even though we're leaving this late in the day, but the events the night before guaranteed it. My mind, heart, and admittedly other regions raced through the night imagining how the next two weeks would be without Bertolt. And what would come when I returned. Who knows, maybe this would work out, and the two weeks would be a good test for that. Despite that, I worried for him. I didn't want to flatter myself, but I wondered if he'd be okay given our past meetings. He has a huge heart, no doubt, and seems like the type to hold on tight to whoever he gets close to.

I was trying to focus extra hard double checking the equipment on my horse, a lovely chestnut and white painted mare with platinum blonde hair. I was a natural with the animals but didn't want to risk mismanaging gear in my state.

"Armin, would you mind giving this a once over for me? It's too early. I—shit, you know what I mean," I chuckled into a face palm.

"Of course," Armin giggled.

I stepped back and lazily observed.

"We have enough covering and blankets, right?!" Hange anxiously whined.

"Yes, ma'am, more than enough for all of us," one assistant replied.

"I mean for Leonarda! I hope she won't be too cold, even at the base..."

"Yes, ma'am, _all_ of us!" he cut her off.

Hange did a lil' anxious dance in place. She seemed more worried about her baby girl than anything else. Leonarda was in a giant, caged cart further away from the rest of us for safety. She was laying on her side in a fetal position, large, brown eyes observing us since nightfall wasn't too far away. Fairly alert but getting physically tired.

"_____, almost ready?" Hange called out to force herself to put her worries on the backburner.

"Yeah, just about," I said, until a massive pair of arms scooped me up and clumsily tried to position me on his back, piggyback-style. "AHHH, shhhhit, ReiNEEEEER!" I yelled, managing to startle the humans more than the well-trained horses.

"She wasn't, _now_ she is," Reiner proclaimed, bouncing me up and down. He lined up next to my horse and stood as if ready to race. "I can run all night if needed," he smiled.

Armin sighed in second-hand embarrassment.

"I'm way too tired for your bullshit today," I groaned into his nape.

"Heh, so you're not the only one." Reiner looked over to the side, and I followed his gaze. Bertolt was walking over slowly, head slightly lowered. My eyes widen when our eyes met. Part of me was hoping he wouldn't be here to send me off; wasn't sure how he or I would react.

_"Are you sure you don't want to come with? It's getting late; they'll be leaving any minute now. Hell, I'll be lucky to catch 'em at this rate." Reiner had been doing his best not to pester Bertolt, but this time he wanted to make sure Bertolt knew what he wanted. "C'mon, no one's gonna notice."_

_Pink dusted Bertolt's cheeks. "No, it's not th-that, it's just... Yes, I'm s-sure. ...N-No, I mean—"_

_"Alright, I'm leaving now," Reiner sighed in frustration. "You'll know where to find us."_

Reiner lowered me down, and I trotted over to Bertolt to help close the distance. I knew if I showed any hesitation or awkwardness, it'd be telling to the others. Bertolt had a hand lazily holding a shoulder. He had the smallest hint of a red on his cheeks and smiled so warmly. He looked tired, even though he shouldn't be.

With little hesitation, I went in to embrace him first, and he gradually melted into it. "Don't worry, they shouldn't suspect a thing," I whispered.

"Reiner does, though. He _knows_ ," he chuckled.

 _Boys will be boys_ , I thought. _I bet Reiner egged him on. I doubt Bertolt would just blurt it out._

By the time we released each other, Hange made her way over to us after she said her good-byes to Armin and Reiner.

"Oy, Bertolt, what's wrong with your neck?!" she exclaimed. I turned beetroot, knowing exactly what she alluded to. I had hoped Hange wouldn't notice.

Bertolt turned his head a swift 90 degrees and covered the hickey with his palm, failing to suppress a raging blush. "Hah, hi-hives?"

 _Are you fucking kidding me?_ Reiner thought, forcing his palm on his forehead with a loud smack.

 _Do you really think Hange is stupid enough for that?_ Armin thought.

"You should check in with one of the nurses. I'm sure she'll figure out which ointment will be best for it!"

 _...Maybe not?_ Both blondes thought.

 _And this is why I wore a scarf_ , I thought.

* * *

It wasn't too long after the evening bell rang eight times before it rang again signaling our return. We were all happy to be back, quickly and efficiently putting the horses back in the stables so as to make time to eat whatever was left at the empty mess halls.

Hange and her assistants opted to eat elsewhere to take care of putting Leonarda safely away. She allowed me to eat at the halls especially after more and more soldiers came out to greet me. Sasha came barreling into the scene first since she correctly assumed I'd be hungry for a real meal. Connie followed suit. Next came in Reiner with Bertolt not far behind. Lastly Armin and Marco; Jean was too tired and not quite ready for my shenanigans right away, I was told.

I had a great dinner, most discussions were of what had been going on in the 104th during my two-week absence. Sasha was the only other one to wolf down a full second meal, often excitedly speaking with her mouth full.

Taking longer than it did to eat, we wrapped up and began to part ways. It was nearing curfew and most were even more tired than before. All who remained were Reiner and Bertolt, as expected.

"Good to have you back, _____," Reiner embraced me one last time in a near bone-crushing hug that I didn't mind. "But we'll catch up more later. It's getting late. And take care of Bertl for me, he's been fidgety as fuck. You might want to check on those 'hives' you gave 'im."

"R-Reiner!" Bertolt choked.

"Oh trust me, I _will_ ," I shot Bertolt a seductively threatening look. Bertolt clenched his jaws tight but denied nothing.

Reiner laughed heartily and pushed Bertolt towards me before taking off. "I'll see you two later," Reiner lazily waved an arm behind him.

I closed the distance and reached up to place my hands gently on Bertolt's shoulders. As he softly, albeit a bit nervously, placed his on my hips, we both scouted the area to make sure the coast was clear. I guided his head to the side of mine, nuzzling into his cheek.

"My quarters, half an hour. There are far fewer soldiers in the women's tower," my warm breath tickled his ear. He shivered and nodded. He laid a hand on my shoulder and gently took my chin into the thumb and forefinger of the other and gave me a long, heated kiss. Even if it was just a kiss, I was pleasantly surprised he took a bit of initiative. I can only wonder if he'd be this way later on.

"Half an hour," I sighed when we finally broke apart.

"R-Right..." He squeezed my shoulders tight before we parted ways.

* * *

Bertolt was within the minute when I heard gentle footsteps creaking against the wood flooring followed by a soft couple of knocks. I slowly open the door and grasped a nearby wrist and pulled him in. I closed the door as quietly as I could. But it seemed contradictory when I grabbed Bertolt's upper arms and turned him to slam him hard against the wall inside.

"_-____!" he nearly panicked.

"Hives? _Hives_?!" I growled while nuzzling hard into his chest through his shirt and gave occasional nips. Damn his height. "Don't think I forgot about that lame excuse."

"I, ah, I didn't... Sorry, I didn't th-think..."

"Yeah, you didn't," I cut him off and uttered a throaty chuckle. I stopped to rest my chin on his chest and look up with a cocked eyebrow. He peered down at me, flustered as all hell.

"Pitiful," I sighed. I snaked a hand up his nape and into his already warm, semi-moist scalp. "I can't deal with you like this. Get down here."

I lowered his head so he'd bend down enough to eagerly lock lips with me. It didn't take long for our mouths to hungrily wrestle, barely allowing moans and gasps from either of us to escape. Bertolt had laid his hands on my hips and were eagerly squeezing them. I took my free hand and placed it on the small of his back, and pulled him in as I walked us backwards towards my bed.

As we neared, we turned to sit on the edge. We continued to nearly devour our heads, groping each other's heads and backs. Bertolt soon took a hand and placed it in between my shoulder blades and began to gently lower me down. But halfway through, I pushed him hard on his shoulders and to the side, forcing him on the bed first. He gasped and began to shiver when I straddled and sat on his hips. I had some key parts of my uniform still on, the shirt, trousers, and leather harnesses. I hoped it gave me a bit of extra air of dominance. I bent forward and gently pressed my forehead on his. All I could hear were his eager pants, and the leather straps of my uniform clicking as they jangled on my hips. My hair fell on either side of his head acting like a curtain around us.

"We need to work on being a little less conspicuous, no?" I purred.

"Nngh..." was all he could muster as he shuddered.

* * *

* * *

I sighed and closed my eyes. But they shot open and locked onto his when I felt a nudge underneath where I was sitting. He gulped.

I growled and slowly lifted myself up, trailing my head, hair, and hands over his clothed chest. Once fully straightened, my fingers sneaked their way underneath his shirt, lifting up a little the more my hands crept along. I uttered a loving sigh feeling his bare muscles with my fingertips for the first time. I wasted no time getting to his erect nipples, in which he jolted, hitched his breath, and clasp his hands onto my thighs in response.

"Mmm, hold on..." I only went back down to begin taking off his shirt, and he sat up to aid in its removal. For the first time, I observed his bare, toned, lean torso heaving with his breathe. Coupled with his beautiful skin tone and eager but shy expression, he was a pure, gorgeous sight to behold. When he realized how much I was admiring him, he swallowed and blushed harder, as expected.

I leaned down to focus on his pert and sensitive nipples, enclosing one in my mouth and tracing circles around the other. He strained a mostly quiet groan as his hands reached up to dig into my back. He gently panted and gradually made his way under my own shirt to knead into my bare backside. I moaned but hummed a warning. I made sure he got the message when I gently locked a nipple with my teeth and pinched the other hard. His hands sprawled out frozen on my back as he tensed up.

I challenged him further by grinding myself over the bulge in his pants. He groaned and tightened his grip as I felt him get more physically excited. I moved my way down, trailing kisses down his chest, stomach, and licking the lining of his muscles. I stopped at his belly button and flicked my tongue into it, tracing circles all around and inside.

"Ah, haa, st-aahp, p-please..." he giggled through clenched teeth.

_Oh, you are too precious. Enjoy it now because you won't be laughing for long._

He was able to detect that I had undone his pants to lift his hips enough for me to lower them despite my tongue still tickling his belly button. He squirmed delightfully underneath but did little to stop me. He added strained moans, however, when I was stroking his half-erect member with my palm through his boxers. I looked up to make eye contact with him; he had been looking at me. His eyes were wide and longing, face glistening in a thin sheen of sweat that reflected in the fire the lantern on my nightstand emitted.

Keeping eye contact, I slowly took the edges of his boxers and began to pull them down. I let him sit up and shift so his boxers and pants were completely off so he'd be more comfortable. He didn't lay fully back down, choosing to rest on his forearms to take in the view before him. I rested my head on the back of my hand which was laying on his hip while the other resumed to stroking his now bare cock teasingly. If there was a bead or two of precum soaked into his boxers before, his cock was releasing a beautiful, clear stream now, threatening to connect with his stomach.

I lifted my head to nuzzle his member with my cheek and rode my tongue from the base up its length. His breathe hitched, taking a hand, and placed it on my exposed cheek. His fingers twitched, but he still managed to gently stroke my face with his thumb.

I scooted up and shifted to sit up a bit more as my tongue gradually shifted focus to his head while I stroked and gently squeezed the remaining shaft that went unattended. My free hand slowly pulled back his foreskin, exposing his hot, crimson head to the relatively cool air around him. His girth was good but length even more impressive. He shuddered heavily when I began to lick and rub my tongue on the sensitive underside. I kissed away precum beads that pooled on the urethra opening and soon engulfed the whole head into my mouth, never breaking eye contact. I paused only for a second to gauge him.

"Ah-hah, _-____, p-please, _please..."_  Bertolt begged.

I gave him a long moan, the vibrations on his sensitive head causing him to clench his features and groan almost painfully. I begin to gently suck, tongue stroking all over inside, and started to slowly pump the remaining exposed length.

Bertolt was a groaning, panting mess, even more so when I picked up pace pumping his shaft and bobbing and twisting my head. I only released my attack on his head to coat his length with my saliva and his precum.

By now, he was frantic. One hand grasped onto the back of my head hard, the other clenching on the side of my mattress for dear life. His hips bucked in furious, small jolts, careful not to interrupt me.

"O-oh gods, _-____, I—I, ahhh...!" He was close. Oh so close.

I took my other hand and carefully made my way to gently caress and massage his tightened balls. His face further contorted, struggling to keep his eyes locked on mine. I gave him a few more final pumps, one last flick of my tongue underneath the head, and a few more hard sucks when he fell back completely press on the bed. He slammed a fist into his mouth, stiffened, and moaned loudly into it as he shot his load into me. I hummed in surprise and did my best to catch and swallow it all, though easier said than done. Some of his seed poured out of the corners of my mouth, and I did my best to lick up what escaped.

Bertolt repeated my name in thanks as he eased his breath to a more normal rhythm.

"Damn..." I said, leaning up to sit on my ankles, looking at him while licking my lips clean. My hand was still on his softening shaft, and I smirked as I gave him a few post-orgasm pumps.

"Ah—AHH, FUCK. Stah-HAAHP!" he yelped then barked out laughter when my palm rubbed on his extremely sensitive head. "N-NO, what the F-FUCK!" he grasped onto the hand in question and forced it away. My free hand quickly made its way back to polish his head a few more times. He twisted and squirmed, uttering squealed laughter before catching my hand and getting both as far from him as possible.

"Sensitive now, are we?" I uttered a devious chuckle. "That's what you get. When was the last time you emptied your balls?! Shit," I thoroughly licked my chops again, making sure he noticed. I sat up and crawled to lay on his side. He turned to face me and was lazily taking off the straps of my gear.

"...Hives," I giggled while running my fingers through his hair. "I must admit, though..."

"Hmm?" Bertolt hummed as he tossed the gear off the side of the bed behind me. It clattered loudly against the wood floor, but we paid no mind. He began caressing my backside, slowly lifting the shirt up and off with my help. I had removed my bra before he arrived.

"A certain pair of goggles noticed the mess _you_ made on my neck when I removed my scarf. I think she put two and two together."

"Oh, _really_?" Bertolt mewled. He shifted to hover himself over me, and I shivered when he gently locked my wrists together and forced them over my head.

He looked down at my bare chest for the first time. His free hand had a single finger teasingly slide up and down my armpit and side as I suppressed giggles.

"It's n-no-ho-ho big deal...!" I pleaded. "She, ah..."

Bertolt begin to gently caress one breast then the other. His eyes peered over my torso, mouth slightly agape in awe. He mouthed 'beautiful' when he made eye contact, and I blushed. He slowly lowered himself and began to suckle an already erect nipple while tenderly massaging the other breast, eventually having his thumb and index finger focus on playing with just the bud.

I released a wave of longing moans, occasionally arching my chest in delight. Satisfied with his work, he slowly made his way down, planting feather-light kisses down my stomach. He stopped to lay his head down against the edge of my trousers and turned to look me in the eyes.

"First Reiner, now Hange, too?" He took both hands, risking injury, and fiercely tickled both of my sides as revenge. I tried to force his hands off me but to no avail; his upper body strength was unsurprisingly much stronger than mine.

"Y-YES, hahaha, I—I'm sorry, YES, but it's FIIINE!" I squealed.

He stopped to hook his fingers into my jeans and looked at me. I don't know if he was trying to look seductive; he looked too cute just peering at me, his eyes and mouth beaming. I was panting and giggling in the aftermath, a hot blush flush on my cheeks. He kept eye contact as he began to undo my pants, and I helped him toss them aside. I took my nearby pillow and propped it against my upper shoulders to comfortably continue to observe him. He gently caressed my mound through my underwear, gliding his palms over my thighs. His teasing look just moments ago melted into a more focused expression. When he explored my inner thighs, he slowly and gently spread them apart with his large, long hands. He was somewhat surprised to see me soaking wet through my underwear. He looked up at me, inquisitive. When our eyes locked, I turned my head to the side blushing harder and gently bit a knuckle in between my teeth.

He smiled warmly as a thumb rubbed my wet lips through the fabric. I gasped and shivered as it grazed the glan of my hardening clitoris.

"B-Bertolt, please..." I sighed.

He nodded and slowly slid them down, and they were off in no time with my help. He stroked an outer thigh while his other hand cupped my pubic mound, its thumb rubbing circles on the very base of the clitoris and clitoral hood.

"Y-yes, Bertolt... ah..." I sighed.

He made himself more comfortable laying down in front of me, gently spreading my bent legs completely out, giving maximum access. I unexpectedly released a shiver due to anticipation. Before I knew it, I felt his hot tongue slowly lapping up the wetness collecting between my folds. I released a long moan in thanks and peered down at him. He gently held onto my hips from underneath my thighs and lifted his head to meet my gaze. His tongue lazily stuck out, and I saw a string of my sticky arousal linking himself to me. I panted out his name repeatedly at the sight followed by an extended 'fuck.' His eyes looked tender yet full of need.

Not breaking eye contact, he pressed his lips onto my exposed clitoris and gave it a good, teasing flick with his tongue. I whined and threw my head back at the touch. He took his left hand and lifted the hood back, exposing more, and he began to gently suckle as much of my clitoris as he could. I moaned hard into my fist and refrained from bucking into him.

"Mmmph, yes, gods, th-that's good, ahh...!"

He focused and took his time working on my clitoris as his right hand caressed, massaged, and lightly scratched up and down one of my increasingly shivering thighs. It didn't take long for me to become soaked again. When Bertolt felt this, he began to tease my opening with his right index finger. I pleaded with him multiple times before he finally complied and slid it in with less than zero resistance.

I arched my back and dug my fingers into the sheets on either side of me when he turned his hand upward and began to gently caress inside my upper wall. He rhythmically pumped the straightened finger in and out, adding his middle before I knew it.

I was uttering lewd moans and lazily rested my feet on the back of his neck, crossing at the ankles. My clitoris had long been hard and swollen enough to needn't the hood held back, so his left hand held on tight to the base of my right thigh at the hip. He peered up at me to observe as he curled in his fingers to hit that one spot hard. I gasped in surprise, arched my back, and held it there for a second. I felt every single goosebump on my skin instantly hardened.

"Ber-Bertolt...!" I was barely coherent as I frantically motioned for his left hand. We locked and intertwined fingers tight but briefly as I guided him shakily to cup my mouth shut. His eyes widened at the gesture. He moaned onto my sensitive, thoroughly enlarged clitoris, and the cry I threw onto his palm was all the encouragement he needed. He gradually increased suckling rate along with the pumps into my very core, curling his fingers up and hitting that same spot every time, as each hard, full-body buckle of mine told him.

It wasn't long before he felt me stiffen, and I screamed into his hand. But he didn't stop and wasn't nearly as merciful as I was to him earlier. He continued to suck my clit and press against my G-spot well past their limit. As I started yelling and bucking wildly underneath him, he removed his hand from inside me and placed it on my hip in an attempt to hold me down so his lips and tongue could continue their post-orgasm assault on my poor clitoris. He couldn't help but worry when my cries and whines sounded like I was in genuine pain through his cupped hand, so he began to slow to a stop.

He slowly lifted his head up and removed his hand to check. I panted heavily and swallowed hard, trying to re-moisten my throat. Bertolt hung his mouth open a bit, still concerned. I continued to convulse slightly when I finally opened my eyes, which were thoroughly glazed over. I peered at him and slowly smiled.

"Hmmmmmng..." I was barely able to speak but managed to utter a difficult chuckle.

Bertolt smiled and went back down to gently lap up as much remaining juices that collected between my folds, extremely careful to avoid my clitoris at all costs, which was thankfully already mostly shrunk back into the sheath. He scooted up, licking the sticky fingers of his right hand dry while doing so. I curled into a fetal position as he laid next to me, bringing the blanket up to completely envelop us, and pressing myself against him to be held. "I... deserved that..." I was finally able to muster.

Bertolt nuzzled his mouth into the crook of my neck and moaned most satisfactorily. I turned my head so our lips would press one last time for the night, moaning into our goodnight kiss. It didn't take long for our exhausted selves to fall asleep.


	6. Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Bertolt both start to wonder if involvement is a good idea given what you both are and his mission. However, of course, neither of you know that about the other, and you both choose to delay revealing anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swears, mentions of nudity and vague/general mentions of last night’s doings but nothing physically detailed. No smut. There's mention of morning wood but, fun fact, it's not due to arousal, as Reader will bluntly explain. It's very briefly mentioned, so hopefully you can glance passed it if needed. I like to write a lot of “morning after” scenes, being a sucker for relationship development and fluff, so expect a lot of those.
> 
> I finally hit double-digit Kudos on Wednesday! Thank you so much! I admit, I was getting self-conscious about it since many fics that have been around shorter and with fewer chapters than mine that got loads more. So the hit count kept me going, as usual, but Kudos are a bigger draw. So to each and every one, deepest thanks. I truly hope y'all are coming back every weekend for updates. 
> 
> I have a lot to say this week (apologies) so I'll stick 'em at the end notes.

I woke up thanks to the sunlight piercing through my eyelids causing my subconscious to stir. I felt a twinge of residual energy due to a dream I had; I was barreling down a small wooded area outside the walls fast, nearing the edge to an open clearing. It was exhilarating and quite vivid.

Quietly moaning myself awake, I tilted my head back and up, and quietly cursed out loud. "Shit..." I uttered as I blew out the lantern I had forgotten to take care of last night. I'm amazed it had enough oil to last the night. _That'll cost me._ I sat up and silently chuckled at the sight ahead of me: Bertolt was laying completely on his stomach, a foot at the head of the bed next to me, head on the bottom corner. His right leg was halfway sticking out, its knee held by his hand. His left arm and leg perfectly perpendicular to each other. His mouth hung open a bit, drooling a little, too.

I gently shook my head and got up to use the restroom. Given I and the rest of the 104th's seniority, our rooms had bathrooms within. The perks of age and experience. I came back and Bertolt did a 180, but in a semi-fetal position this time. _How he didn't hit me, I have no idea._ I carefully snuck around and climbed back in to spoon him.

Gently propping my head up just enough, I inched closer to his exposed ear and ran my tongue up its outer shell. He shuddered. Hard. And uttered a long, pleased moan as he slowly woke up. I giggled as I began to suckle on his earlobe and gave his rear a satisfying smack. "G'morning, Bertl-butt."

Bertolt hummed and smiled, turning to embrace me, but something got between us.

"Mmm, hey, your bladder's full," I glanced down at his morning erection and back to him. "Go use the restroom really quick. I already did." He blushed lightly, turned and got up to excuse himself.

When he returned, he caught me looking at him with half-lidded eyes, smiling, and giving a silent chuckle. "You really do have a cute lil' butt."

He blushed again and rubbed the back of his neck with an adorably awkward smile and climbed back in. This time, I was more curled up and pressed against him as he fully embraced me. He nuzzled his lips into my filthy hair to plant soft kisses on my head. I couldn't help but release a huge sigh and moan. _He's too damn sweet for his own good... Definitely a cuddler. How cute._

Doubts slowly began to seep into me before a trio of loud knocks hit my door. Bertolt and I jumped in place, but my reaction was more from the fact it was startling. Bertolt nearly fell off the bed sitting up, then we heard it: "Relax, it's me."

"Oh, don't you fucking dare 'hey, it's me,' buddy," I called loud enough to reach the other side of the room as Reiner walked in casually. Bertolt frantically covered his lower half with the sheets and made sure I was covered, too. I glared at him indicating that I gave no fucks about being indecent but was fine being covered if he wished it.

"Hey, I'm not the one who forgot to lock the door." He looked over at Bertolt, whose jaws were still clenched in embarrassment, trademark temple sweat back in full swing. Reiner squinted his eyes slightly and shot a finger at him. "Maybe it was you. Rookie mistake, Bertl."

I snickered. "'Rookie'...? This guy?"

"_-_____!" Bertolt snapped a look at me, full blush raging on his cheeks.

"Yeah, I can tell he's not," Reiner sniffed loudly a couple times. "You both need a shower. Bad. I just came up here to give you these reports from Hange." He handed me the full-sized envelope, which I immediately checked to make sure was still sealed. "As you know, you're off today. You're lucky Bertl worked extra to get today off, too. It's late."

 _He wouldn't..._  I turned to look at Bertolt who hung his head a bit and darted his eyes about. When he finally looked at my shocked but flattered expression, he gave a sincere but sheepish smile.

"Aww, how sweet..." Reiner cooed.

I darted my eyes back at Reiner and glared. "Are you done? Unless you wanna strip down and join us, you may leave."

Bertolt choked and snapped his neck towards me again, back to embarrassed mode.

"Rude. The least you could do is get clean linens first." Reiner winked.

Bertolt groaned into a double face palm. "_-_____, it's too early for th-this..." he mumbled.

"Again, no, it's not; it's late. You don't want anyone else to get to whispering, do you? And you're welcome for bringing the report, _____. I'll see you two soon." Reiner made his way out with a lazy wave of the back of his hand but didn't close the door behind him.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" I called out. A sly cackle resonated from down the nearby spiral of stairs.

I got up not bothering to wrap sheets around myself to walk over, close, and lock the door. I turned and Bertolt turned his head away, stiffened hand covering the side facing me but failing to hide his bright red ear. "N-not looking...!"

I sighed and cupped the other side of his face when I sat in front of him, both of us on the edge of the bed. I gently pressed to turn him to face me. He maintained eye contact but was red hot. "...Really? After I made you curse like a drunken Military Policeman? Then you had me screaming and crying into your palm?"

His wide eyes widened further before darting all over again, and I actually felt his face get hotter under my touch. I smiled, closed the gap, and planted a long kiss on his quivering lips. He gradually relaxed and moaned as he accepted.

I slowly got up, and we wordlessly made our way to the bathroom to wash up together. It was late summer so the water was still warm for a bit initially, but this way we could both catch some of it while it lasted. Even when it cooled, it was still tolerable, especially when we silently embraced underneath the shower. He draped his long arms down my shoulders, mine wrapped around his waist, my head pressed against his chest to hear his pounding, steady heartbeat. But I couldn't enjoy the moment fully when reality was settling back in, especially given the report Reiner delivered. _It's a fairly thick report because Leonarda wasn't the only titan we studied_... I didn't even realize I sighed heavily until Bertolt did, too.

After cleaning up and drying off, we began to make arrangements on how to leave and meet up later. Lunchtime was approaching, so Bertolt was to leave as soon as possible to get back to his room and change since he had to do the walk of shame. I would leave several minutes later. I had the luxury of being able to change into different, clean clothes but I paid for that by having to drop off all bedding to be cleaned. Bertolt offered to help, of course, but had to be reminded that that wouldn't work without raising suspicions. We assumed by the time I was done, he'd be well into lunch at the mess hall with the others, and I'd simply arrive late.

Worked out fairly well, all things considered.

* * *

"H-hey..." I heard Bertolt gently say as he found me propped up against a large tree at our rendezvous spot. I looked at him, smiled softly, and scooted down a bit so he could sandwich himself comfortably in between. We managed to refrain from being together up until now so it felt rewarding to be physically intimate in the late afternoon we had to ourselves. I was hugging my thighs and leaned back to rest my head on his right shoulder, giving him plenty of access to rest his head on my left, long arms completely enveloping me.

I feared I gave away too much of my state when I released a heavy sigh. He turned his head and noticed the frown in my lips.

"Are y-you okay, _____?"

"Yeah," I lied. I was sure he could tell, but I tried to be honest without giving away too much, hoping he wouldn't ask. "I'm just... thinking." He nuzzled into me. I was just thankful he didn't go in for a kiss anywhere, as much as that sounded lovely.

"...A-are you happy?"

I tightened up, hoping he couldn't feel me cringe. But this gentle giant had me enclosed, so he probably did.

"Yes. If anything, that might be the problem," I admitted.

"Why?" Bertolt kept his voice low, but I could hear hints of concern melted in. "You deserve it. I-if anything, it's me who..."

I felt him loosen his embrace, so I immediately snapped back, " _No_ , no, do _not_ finish that thought."

He hummed and stiffened a bit before reluctantly wrapping me up tighter again.

"...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you think that." I paused and debated how to best phrase this. With my two week absence and especially last night, this could potentially sting and change the course of where we were going.

"I'm just wondering if..." I swallowed. "...this is best. Maybe we're going too fast." I stiffened and felt Bertolt do the same. He went completely quiet for a few seconds; each felt much longer.

"Yeah..." he agreed but with sadness evident.

"Bertolt, I—"

He cut me off with a hard nuzzle to the side of my face. "N-no, I was... actually kind of thinking the same thing." He still sounded disappointed.

I moaned and curled up tighter but not enough to prevent him from pressing his lips firmly against my cheek. I shuddered hard as he kissed.

 _Oh, this poor bastard has no idea. This is probably a fucking_ mistake. _I don't want it to be, I didn't expect anyone here to catch my eye... Hell, this guy of all people. I probably wouldn't have had even noticed him if it wasn't for Reiner. But I'd be lying if I didn't believe this young man wasn't the best surprise. I'll need to tell him eventually. With the veterans knowing and watching me, what's one more... I mean, if all goes well, all will know, but no one would or should be with a beast like me..._

Bertolt continued to keep his lips pressed on me, pursing to gently kiss every now and then. _I actually wish Reiner would snap in warrior mode more often to warn me_ , he thought. _This cannot work. But maybe I can enjoy this a bit while it lasts... We've both extended our lives way too long anyway. One day at a time, just like always. One day..._

"I'll..." I struggled to push the words out. "...tell you eventually. Why. I hope. Then you'll... have a better understanding on what to do. Sorry," my throat swelled up.

"It's okay. I understand."

"...No, you don't, believe me," I mumbled.

"I d-do. Believe _me_."

 _Either he's lying to make me feel better or something's up his sleeve._ Speaking of, I showed my appreciation regardless by rubbing his forearms up and down over his long-sleeved button-down shirt.

"Okay," I sighed. "I hope to do so soon."

"Take your time."

 _I can't tell her._ Bertolt thought. _Need to confirm with Reiner when he's in the right state. Hopefully I'll get to hear what she has to say, but I'm going to have to leave, for good, once Zeke finally returns._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank god I posted a draft of this chapter last week because my anxiety has been through the roof lately, barely slept at all last night, and couldn't even nap today. Even though I have dozens of chapters written already, my perfectionist ass proofreads and formats for ≈1 hour before posting. I swear, university will be the death of me. I do hope to keep up with Friday updates but don't be surprised if I fall behind within the next month and a half.
> 
> I'm also gonna go ahead and add some relationship tags that were gonna be added when things became more "official," but wanted to go ahead and give readers a head's up. The "relationships, pairings, orientations" symbols I chose were the same since the beginning and a hint, anyway. I hope y'all don't mind; those two are joined at the hip canonly anyway, I love both, and it's hard to write one and not the other.
> 
> "'Rookie'...? This guy?" - Bert's sexual experience. I'd think most characters would have at least a little if all lived to their mid-20s, if they wished it. I firmly believe Annie canonly has zero romantic/sexual interests in anyone, let alone Bert, so it wasn't her, if you're wondering. Characters could gain experience in a variety of ways with others (people in same/different military branches, townspeople), so my head canon in this story is some have some sexual experience but not with anyone we particularly know because it's irrelevant. I also to avoid 'so timid and shy, they're completely inexperienced' clichés.
> 
> "But I'd be lying if I didn't say this young man wasn't the best surprise." - Fun fact, Bertolt really was a surprise. I got into SnK thinking I wouldn't like anyone, for once, esp. since it lacks the Comic Relief trope that I usually fall for. (The closest is Jean, and I like him, obviously, but not enough.) I started liking Levi a lot, but it more physically and nothing special. Then I randomly dreamed for a second Bertl looked at me while blushing since I couldn't get enough of Hange's blushing fangirl moment in ep. 32. I started Google image searching him, then his Tumblr tag, and fell in love. And I don't think I've ever fallen for the quiet, emotional, tragic ones before.


	7. When We Bleed, We Bleed the Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After revealing what you are to Armin in private and asking for advice, you meet with Reiner and Bertolt for some private self-defense training. One little mistake changes the course of your relationship with both men forever, for better or for worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swears, injury, blood, and mild blood play.

"Oh, I s-see..." Armin's voice lowered to almost a whisper.

I took a sip of my cup of black tea, double strength. I didn't realized I nursed it over so long that is was nearly cold. Setting the cup back down on the small table in his quarters, I continued to peer at it almost in a daze.

"Does anyone else know?" Armin piped after deep in thought for a second.

"Aside from the higher-ups? No. But I think we may be getting to the point where we can be more open about it. The expedition, tests, and results went well. I may be able to prove to be an asset not unlike Eren. Plus, with my additional skills in research, I think they may be beginning to trust me more. Hange will be proposing a reveal to Erwin and Levi soon. Whenever her schedule allows, and whenever she thinks is best."

"Ah. Thank you be confiding in me first. It is appreciated."

I shrugged. "Even if you and Eren weren't best friends, I figured you'd understand the most." My voice was still flat. Little weight had come off my shoulders.

"Then what's the matter?" Armin easily picked up on my tone. "Aside from breaking the news early through the grapevine...?"

I began to blush, but more from a nasty mixture of embarrassment and anger. I'm too damn old to be secretly getting involved with someone like a naïve, naughty teenager. Especially in a branch of the fucking military, and the most dangerous one, at that.

"There's at least one other whom I wished I could have told first. I've gotten close to them and feel that I cannot go on without telling, which would most likely end our relationship." I was hoping the vague wording could refer to anyone and any type of relationship.

"If all is supposed to work out anyway, I think you should tell him. Perhaps both of them," Armin suggested nonchalantly.

I chuckled and facepalmed, shaking my head gently. "Oh Armin, nothing escapes your gaze, huh? Do you know if anyone else is talking?" I shot him a warning glare with a smirk.

Armin awkwardly looked away and rubbed the back of his head. "I don't... think so?" He was too adorable pretending to be innocent. "I think it's great. It's always been just them two, even when Annie was around. And Bertolt has always been a man of few words. It's a good change. I'm not sure how Reiner would react, but Bertolt seems like a good listener. And he doesn't seem to be one to gossip if you're worried about revealing ahead of time. I'm sure he wouldn't see you too differently."

"I hope you're right." I finished the remains of the cold tea in a couple last, big gulps.

Armin rubbed across my upper back reassuringly. "You don't know unless you do it." He sat up and took my empty cup and saucer to dispose of.

* * *

A few days later, I had summoned Reiner and Bertolt to the training field when it was unoccupied. I hadn't practiced combat since before the expedition and had been working elsewhere like cleaning, stables, everywhere else. I told them I needed more defensive practice and to blow off some steam. And hopefully, if they were tired enough, I could come clean and it'd minimize the shock.

I was already on the field in the late afternoon, tossing my combat knife in the air when they arrived.

"Oy, _____," Reiner's voice was a little huskier than usual. He looked pleasantly surprised that I had the knife out. Bertolt was close behind him but had more of a perplexed look about him.

I sheathed the small blade in its leather home on the small of my back in one fell swoop as I turned to face them. "Good evening. I hope you do not mind, but I hope to incorporate this into training today. If you feel safe enough, that is."

"Not at all. Nothing I can't handle," Reiner sounding delightfully cocky. It didn't feel right looking into Bertolt's worried face. Almost as if he was worried about Reiner, too. He had his eyes on him, in fact, not at me. I wondered why he was fixated on Reiner now in particular. Things got significantly more tense between Bertolt and I since our candid talk. Tension was thick in the air when we were around, restraining ourselves for the physical and emotional affection that we grew so accustomed to that we practically needed. We often snuck in stares when the other wasn't looking, but Bertolt was completely focused on Reiner right now. "I got my own on me at all times, anyway," Reiner assured.

"Excellent. I know those pitiful wooden ones are reserved for the young ones in training, anyway," I sneered.

My session with Reiner began with practicing countering and defensive moves without the knives. When we decided to incorporate them, we agreed to be very communicative throughout, no matter how unrealistic it'd seem. I needed to master the movements and strategies first. Bertolt shifted in his seat on the ground, hair getting soaked in sweat before long.

"We'll be fine, Bertl," Reiner did his best to reassure.

Sure enough, we never mutually got within a few centimeters of each other's skin. Things were going well, and I was pleased with how much I was learning. That was until Reiner mockingly came at me, and I maneuvered in such a way that a large piece of my hair blocked my vision, and I panicked and miscalculated a swipe of my blade. It struck Reiner long and deep in his forearm.

In the shock, he fell backwards onto his rear and groaned more from trying to piece together in his mind what had just transpired. Bertolt yelled his name, got up to run a few strides before sliding towards him on his knees to hold and exam the forearm. I stood shocked then dropped to my own knees, horrified I had done such a thing, even accidentally.

But nothing prepared me for the steam and crackles that escaped as his wound healed instantly before me. Bertolt continued to hold onto the healed but still bloodied forearm as his body shook and convulsed violently. His face was the most horrified I had ever seen it. It was as if he was a completely different person. When Reiner finally returned and realized he had healed subconsciously, he stared, mortified, and frozen in place. Both knew I was less than a meter away and had to have witnessed it.

I was very slowly reaching out my hand when both men slowly trailed their gaze up my hand, arm, and to my face. Neither had seen such a glazed over look in my eyes when I slowly but tightly grasped onto Reiner's wrist and pulled his forearm towards me as I scooted forward. My mouth hung open, and I lightly panted before extending my tongue just enough to slowly but thoroughly lap up all the blood, greedily swallowing every molecule I could get a hold of. I moaned during every second blood latched on my tongue, completely forgetting the two pairs of wide eyes watching my every move. When I finished, I ceremoniously traced my tongue where the cut had been, even though I had polished it clean. I sat back onto my heels and happily moaned and licked my mouth.

I slowly opened my eyes and immediately found their completely shocked expressions locked onto me. They hadn't shifted from their positions. I furrowed my brows, looked around to make sure we were still completely alone, and peered at Bertolt.

"Let me guess: you, too," I deadpanned.

All he could do was lock his jaws and shiver.

I crawled on my hands and knees before sitting in front of Bertolt. I held up my hand defensively to tell them to hold off as I reached for my blade that remained laid on the ground. I wiped it clean, even though Reiner's blood had evaporated off of it already, and presented Bertolt the thick, padded area of my palm below the thumb. I took my blade and sliced a slow, short, but very dense cut into it, streams of thick, dark red blood began to seep out. In a delayed reaction, Bertolt didn't catch any with his tongue until it was falling a couple of centimeters past my wrist. But once his tongue caught the first bead of blood, he immediately growled like an animal I had never heard of. I moaned even heavier than I did with Reiner as Bertolt made his way up my trail. Our forced, mutual separation the past week only made this intimate moment exponentially more thrilling. He squeezed and rubbed my hand to usher out a few more small waves of blood before I focused a bit to have my wound sizzle and steam away, healed. His free hand was roughly caressing the side of my face as I nuzzled into it hard. The other was still being cleaned as my thumb and fingers tried to stroke his beautifully predatory face as much as he would allow.

When all was done and the three of us collected ourselves again, we sat wordlessly trying to think of the best way to broach the topic. There was no need for me to test Bertolt. He had proven it already.

"'As of now, just Eren. Just Eren. Juuuust Eren,'" I mockingly reenacted Hange's words to the best of my memory and forced laughter under my breathe. I sat with my knees propped up, face embedded between them. "The veterans do not know, huh."

They both slowly shook their heads.

I raised my head up to look at Bertolt dead in the eyes. "This is what I wanted to tell you. ...Huh. But damn if I did not expect you'd have the same, dark secret." As Bertolt shifted and buried his face into his owns knees, I re-positioned myself to sit on my hip, putting weight on an arm pressing on the ground.

I noticed Bertolt looked more distressed than ever, Reiner sitting cross legged, thick hand painfully grasping onto his face. 

"I'm the Armored Titan. Bertolt is the Colossal Titan." Reiner uttered those words in nothing louder than a whisper. Reiner only moved his eyes to shift them on me, Bertolt lifted his head up only high enough to observe my reaction.

My eyes slowly aimed straight ahead of me, glazed, then froze over solid. "Of the nine...?!" I gently lowered my head until it hung almost painful off my neck, and I began to shiver, harder, and harder. The hand on the ground curled into a tight fist and started to pound repeatedly, threatening injury.

"_-____...!" Bertolt quickly got up to crawl towards me and caught me before I let myself fall over on my side. The separation arrangement we agreed upon was all but forgotten now.

Reiner braced for the worst: a realization of betrayal that'd result in their exposure and eventual demise, but he twisted his face into near confusion when I began to have a panic attack.

Bertolt positioned himself comfortably and shifted me around so he could rock me back and forth. My face was buried in his trademark dark blue sweater. His face shifted when he heard a procession of "I'm sorry"s and "I helped" soak into him. I clasped onto his shoulders and turned my head to face Reiner. His eyes widened in shock seeing the distress in mine.

"M-Marley? Warriors? I—I'm sorry... I h-helped... Research. D-dev—... Serums... S-s-selection... I'm sorry... Sorry... _SORRY_!" I cried back into Bertolt to muffle my scream. I sobbed tearlessly, my body beyond that point and simply struggled to breathe at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shifters liking blood trope originated from wingedmermaid's Changing Seasons, which I first read about in xl_tt's Can't Fix a Peaceful Story, the latter being my first Bertolt/Reader and inspiration to write my own.  
>   
> Sorry for not updating yesterday, I had a terrible day that left me emotionally, at least, drained.
> 
> Thanks for the climbing hit count and Kudos, as always! If you're new to this story from the new relationship tags, welcome! Hope you're enjoying it so far! I figured Reiner's a big enough presence enough that it justifies as such. I'm glad I did, too, given ch. 99. That left me so shook and those that hate him are twisting the knife, as expected. So I hope Reiner and Bertolt fans alike find solace in this and other reader inserts involving them.
> 
> And happy birthday Porco Galliard! I hope for your safety and happiness next month! (Which includes my bertday [the 10th], buuuuuut... it may not be a happy one ch. 100-wise, haha...)


	8. Newfound Comradery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You divulge more about yourself to your newfound shifter brethren, thus deepening a relationship with them like you didn’t expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Some swears, as per usual. Lots of relationship advancement. Hurt/comfort, angst, all that fun stuff. A few small/vague manga spoiler details about the universe/lore, but hopefully if you're Bertolt and/or Reiner fans anyway, you're either already spoiled or have caught up more or less with the manga. If not, fair warning.

"_-____, please, c-calm down, breathe,  _breathe_...!" Bertolt straightened me up a bit, rubbed all over my back hard, trying anything to get me to calm down again. His voice climbed a couple of octaves trying to postpone his own sobs, never seeing me like this before. The meaning of what I had babbled out had to wait, though both men had an idea.

"P-please, try to focus, stay with me," Bertolt forced himself to swallow his emotions knowing it wouldn't make my situation any better.

Reiner collected himself but was cautious of what this could mean. He slowly made his way towards us and aided in calming me down, taking over to help keep me propped up and rubbing my back and shoulders. Bertolt shifted until he was directly in front of me and cupped my face in both of his long hands.

"Look at me, f-focus, I—I'm here..." He stared directly into my glazed eyes, and my panting gradually began to slow. My eyes didn't begin to look into his until he stroked my cheeks with his thumbs. When our eyes finally met, I melted into them and a hand slowly and instinctively cupped the side of his face. The smallest smile of relief curled Bertolt's mouth when he leaned in to press the softest kiss on my swollen lips. I instantly melted and cried into it, this time small streams of hot tears flowing down. He felt my weight begin to fall on him, so he broke off the short-lived, long overdue tender moment and caught me, turning me to press my back against his chest. I slowly, quietly cried but was able to breathe comparatively normally again. Bertolt stroked my upper arm with one hand, the other straightened out my hair, stroking it tenderly.

Reiner observed indifferently and waited, keeping narrowed eyes on me.

"I had... nothing to do with you two, obviously," I felt a stress-induced headache coming on after the tears had ceased. "But I was still... part of the Marley government's titan biochemistry society. Helping create warriors, shifters, abnormals. We weren't told directly who would receive what, though; they prefer to keep things as separate and secretive as much as possible. I know _of_ the nine titans but that's where my knowledge ends. I had no idea you two possessed the Colossal and Armored, of all things. The difference between me and you, however is... I had a choice. I chose this."

Reiner cocked an eyebrow and Bertolt stiffened, both their mouths hung open a bit.

"I developed my own serum and self-injected myself. No one from over there knows. At least then. Hange, Erwin and Levi just think I'm another abnormal from some mysterious area beyond these walls in parts unknown."

"...Why." Reiner's voice was deep, curious but extremely cautious. I did not blame him at all for his tone.

"In my youth, around your ages, I had illusions of grandeur. I thought I could destroy everything from the inside but needed to be more powerful in order to do so. I was convinced I could by a couple of others. I thought I was right initially. I thought I was _in_ the right. Then was convinced that this was wrong. Then later had doubts once you realize the truth is blurred, up is down, down is up, whether you're Marley, Eldian, the 'devils' on this island: that no one is right or wrong except for what you see yourself... Irrationality takes over." I subconsciously gave a maniacal grin but quickly eased into a relaxed expression.

"I initially escaped with two others. Not my idea, though. I was dragged into it. I wanted to go at it alone. We weren't caught, but I was forced to leave them behind in Liberio and sailed until I hit this island. I shifted once I was within the outermost wall in the dead of night and ran. I don't know for how long. Probably years. Aimlessly. I probably passed this place multiple times."

I sighed heavily and nuzzled into Bertolt's chest but kept my gaze at Reiner.

"And I wound up here."

Bertolt and Reiner looked at each other nearly at the same time.

"I needed to do something different. Change. I thought I could. This place is so different, almost primitive. I felt like I woke up in a whole new lifetime. As I've said before, I like it here. I know I didn't directly affect you two. But I still feel responsible. I don't wish your position or fates on anyone. Sure, you'll return home heroes, but damn if your mission isn't risky. Of all people I've come to know, you two are among who deserve a much better life."

Reiner lowered his head in gratitude, unable to meet my gaze, as Bertolt lovingly squeezed my hand and kissed the top of my head.

"In retrospect, I'm glad I trusted my instincts to feed the veterans as little information as possible."

"Yeah," Bertolt agreed. "Reiner..."

"I bet what fiascos went down out there delayed Zeke's return," Reiner finished Bertolt's thoughts.

"Let me guess, the hot-headed lil' shit's the Founding?" I asked matter-of-factly.

"We believe so, yes," Reiner confirmed. "Will you be joining us?" he asked bluntly.

I sighed heavily. "I've got little choice," I responded. "Even if I somehow was not connected and wound up here, it wouldn't make a lick of difference. Your mission would still carry out."

Reiner nodded. "Not much one, or three, can do in a war thousands of years old. All we can do is give Marley what they want, hopefully we'll live, and be home."

I furrowed my brows deep in thought. "So... this is Paradis? This is the walled settlement of Eldians?"

Reiner nodded, and Bertolt puffed out a sigh.

"I had no idea where I wound up. And I ran for so long in my titan, my mind blurred. I had a feeling, though so I... rightfully chose to be secretive. But as soon as you told me who you two were," I met Reiner's eyes again, "everything hit me like a brick to the face. It all came back to me, hard. Hence, why I lost it for a moment."

I relaxed more in Bertolt's embrace. "I'll surely be killed by Marley forces if I remained here and fully betrayed them. There may be no devils here but they're not saints, either. If all three of us return with the Founding, they'll have possession of more of the nine than now, thus moving the war closer to being over. That's more ideal than intentionally screwing things up." My face tightened in a cringe. "God _damn_ , I really fucked things up."

Bertolt stiffened and shook his head. "N-no, it's not just you. Our mission failed several times over the years."

"We lost the Jaw before even reaching the walls, for one, and couldn't return like that," Reiner continued. "Decided enlisting in the military was best, that added a few extra, costly years. Annie grew impatient and tried to retrieve the Founding herself, which severely backfired. If anything, having a third hand again could give us the edge we need to finally complete the mission."

"My life will hopefully be spared, too, if I aided you two. Perhaps I'd be useful given my titan possession and the knowledge I've gained here as a researcher."

"Are you sure...?" Bertolt asked. "You sounded like you liked it here."

"...Yes."

Both men were a bit surprised.

"These guys are screwed, let's be honest. Ha, 'knowledge I've gained.' Like I said, primitive. I'm surprised how primitive this place is. When I first emerged from my titan after years and I was found, it felt truly dream-like as if I awoke in a whole new world and timeline. Aside from the fairly impressive 3DMG, they fail to Marley in regards of titan possession, technology, and overall power. They'll be swatted like flies. If anything, closing out this war sooner than later would be most merciful."

Bertolt agreed and nodded with a bit of enthusiasm. "I was happy here, too."

"But the mission calls for otherwise," Reiner added.

"At best, we can hope to give our former comrades a swift, merciful death," Bertolt said.

I sighed heavily, physically but especially mentally exhausted. "Let's just go the fuck home."

Reiner nodded. "I hear ya. We'll work out details later. I think we all learned enough tonight for a lifetime."

Bertolt felt all of my weight shift onto him, so he instinctively scooped me up to carry me back to my quarters. Before I dozed off in Bertolt's arms, I told Reiner to grab us a couple of trays worth of food for dinner, too exhausted to eat in the mess hall. Reiner nodded and said he would tell anyone who noticed our absence that there was a minor accident and I was too tired.

When we arrived in my quarters and after gently laying me down, Bertolt took off his boots and socks by my bed and was kind enough to do mine, as well. He climbed over to tenderly spoon me, allowing me to rest until Reiner returned. Around 20 minutes later, a few knocks at the door, and Reiner walked in with a tray stuffed with enough food for two.

"_____, time to eat," Bertolt said quietly, gently shaking my arm.

Bertolt didn't even noticed a set of his clothes in Reiner's other hand until they were tossed at the foot of my bed. I noticed and giggled through my teeth. Bertolt's face grew red, and he groaned as he hid his embarrassment in my upper arm.

"Hey, since we're all in this together now, might as well make the most of it while we can. We're not exactly like the others, no?" He grinned wide. "Sorry it took me so long. Carrying around so much food and getting a set of Bertl's clothes unnoticed took longer than anticipated."

"Thank you, Reiner," I said. Bertolt thought I meant purely for _that_ , so he buried himself more into me a bit. "Not just for the food and clothes, but... well, I don't think 'thanks' is even the right word. We're all part of this crazy scheme, huh."

"Yeah," Reiner sighed heavily. "But you did give us quite a scare initially. If you had been anyone else..."

"Yeah..." I looked down and away, not knowing what more could be said. I could only imagine.

Reiner also looked away and nodded before heading out the door. I sat up, heavy with fatigue, to follow him.

"I'll see you two tomorrow," he said without looking back. I closed the door and locked it when I heard two knocks almost immediately afterward.

"Very good!" Reiner praised my remembering to lock up this time from the other side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, thank you so much for the kudos, bookmark, and pushing the hit count over 500! When people say how much it means to and encourages them, they aren't exaggerating. Especially since this is a self-indulgent reader-insert, all of those help justify and encourage me to continue to work on this and update weekly. I know the demand for Bertl and Reiner self-inserts is there, but validation greatly helps.
> 
> This is where I really started rewriting the plot. Less dialog in this chapter originally. I originally had it to where you'd help accomplish their mission, double-cross Marley, and (somehow) take 'em out because they truly cared about the 104th of Paradis. But that was WAY too fanfiction-y to me and really does Isayama's statement that there is no right or wrong side injustice. So I hope y'all greatly appreciate that.
> 
> I want to maintain Reiner's sense of completing the mission, and Bert's sincerity about considering the Scouts his friends, being the best part of their years. But when push comes to shove, he's still a Warrior. I hope I showed a bit of both here and plan to continue to do so in order to better maintain their canon thoughts, feelings, and motivations.


	9. Merit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite the earlier drama and knowing much needed planning is to come later, it's easily decided between you and Bertolt that it's safe to pursue your relationship now that you both wound up knowing exactly what you've been needing to reveal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemon, lemon, lemon. (Happy Thanksgiving, haha!) Swearing, _mutual_ shifter blood play, intercourse. Not until after dinner and cuddling, of course. You had a panic attack for crying out loud, so Bertl's in an extra protective, nurturing, loving mood. At least initially. Not a lot of plot development here; just some much needed full, physical affection since you both at one point seriously thought a relationship could never happen.
> 
> Like last time, the more explicit parts will begin after the double line breaks. The last several, single lines are sweet, cheesy sentiments if you'd like to check those out.

We ate mostly in silence, but it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. There was a sense of relief and clarity in the air that was palpable.

"Heh, what are the fucking odds..." I finally cut through the silence while nearing the end of my meal. "I mean, I'm not one of the nine; I'm my own monstrosity, but still."

"Yeah..." Bertolt agreed in a breathy chuckle. He had finished dinner before I.

"And here I was worried you'd see me differently. That this wouldn't work. That I didn't deserve anything good, let alone you."

Bertolt swallowed hard at the last part. He simply sat there with his head hung a little, absorbing my words.

I took our empty dishes, set them on the tray, then set that on my nightstand. After lighting my lantern, I sat next to him and gently cupped his cheek in my hand.

"Hey..." I tried to get his attention.

Bertolt briefly snapped out of his pensive state and uttered, "I-I truly thought, of all people, it was _I_ that didn't d-deserve..." But he nonetheless held onto the hand holding his cheek in gratitude.

"Nothing you have said or done has changed my mind, Bertolt," I said flatly, hoping he'd catch the weight in my words. "If anything, it tells me you need to work harder on getting out of this personal hell of yours. I know it's hard to get attached to others you aren't supposed to, because I did, too. I was surprised how quickly I made friends. But you show remorse, a fuck ton of it, unlike the naïve Jaeger. If only these simple minds knew what you knew, knew how you grew up, knew your, our side of the story. I trust that you and Reiner will figure something out. I know I'm only one person, but I'm here, too. At your _and_ Reiner's side."

He was completely silent and still, save for the thin streams of tears dribbling down his face. I cupped his other cheek and planted a soft, gentle kiss on his lips. He barely accepted it, even after what I felt like several seconds. I broke away to press my forehead against his.

"I wish I knew what to say," I sighed. I had a feeling there was no set of magic words, but goddamn, I had to try. He's always been so quiet and kept to himself aside from Reiner, and I finally know why. He cannot have always been like this; he was chosen to be the Colossus for a reason.

He shook his head into mine, causing it to follow through almost comically. "N-no, no, I appreciate it, t-trust me. It's just..."

I gave him a breathy chuckle. "It's okay, I understand. I'm sure you don't hear sentiments like that every day."

"More like never," he finally looked up at me with that rare, warm smile that melted me to the core. He sounded grateful, and his tears had stopped. It was his turn to cup my face and bring me in for a kiss, one I gladly accepted. When he felt me smile into it, he kissed with more passion. He moaned into it as I draped my arms across his shoulders.

I broke us off to look upon his features once more. He was facing the lantern, so his smile and brightened eyes lit up as clear as day.

"That's more like it," I sighed, fixated on him. He looked genuinely happy. It was mesmerizing. "You are so goddamn beautiful." I blushed at my own words, kind of surprised I told him that so bluntly, but he blushed even harder, of course, followed by the obligatory awkward rub of his nape past my arms.

"S-stop..." he giggled.

"Stop what, complimenting you? C'mon, now..." I cooed and press myself up to begin kissing along his jawline. Bertolt initially shivered but his breathe hitched when I began to suckle on the spot underneath the corner of his jaw. He had little objection to being gently pushed down perpendicular to the bed and straddled, our torsos pressed once I laid down on top of him fully.

* * *

* * *

I was delighted when he turned his head to the side to give me full access. I held his head in crossed forearms, my fingers combing through his damp hair pressing against his scalp hard. He panted in a deep, steady rhythm that was delightful. His hands stroked up and down my back until they reached further down to shamelessly grope and massage my ass. I moaned hard into him and thanked him with a hard nip but not strong enough to break skin. His whole body convulsed which earned him a throaty chuckle from me.

I slid myself down and left a trail of light nips down the side his neck until I approached one of his collar bones. I pulled down his sweater and shirt to nip along its length. Judging by the mound I now felt in my inner thighs, he didn't mind.

"Nnngh, _-_____," he sat up holding onto me so he could remove his shirt and sweater and tossed them in the middle of the floor. I ran my fingers over the hot, damp skin of his chest, drinking in the view. He shifted us so he sat properly on the bed, and I got off his lap to sit in front of him and continued to bite on his collar bone. He moaned into a shudder when I palmed his cock through his pants. I pressed him back down so he laid his head on my pillow. He was moaning more erratically now as my hand stroked and grabbed his growing member through the fabrics. He messily continued to knead my ass trying to divert his attention.

"_-_____, p-please, r-r-release me..." he begged.

I thought hard while licking along his now tender collarbone. "Okay... just a little..." I growled, and we quickly got his pants off of him and onto the floor. I had to straddle his thighs and swiftly caught his wrists as his fingers were on the band of his undergarments. He was almost fully erect now, but I ignored that and the small spot of fabric soaked in pre-cum.

"What did I just fucking say?" I looked hard into his eyes, my brow almost painfully furrowed.

He let go of the band and relaxed his shaking hands. "'J-just a l-little'?" he parroted my words in a higher pitched whine. I pressed his wrists firm against the bed, trusting he'd keep them there.

"You're not gonna like what I've got in store for you now," I said as I took off the leather straps of my uniform and tapped the underside of his hips to wordlessly tell him to lift. "So eager and so willing," I cooed. As I tied his wrists together in the leather under his back, I noticed with my peripheral vision his cock twitch hard a couple of times. "Or perhaps you will enjoy this..." I looked at him, and he was staring at me wide-eyed, panting hard, eyes half-lidded. Poor boy was thirsty, but he wasn't going to be able to be quenched anytime soon.

"Comfortable?"

He nodded hard.

I sat up and carefully stood on the bed, keeping my left hand against the stone wall for support, and pressed my right foot hard onto his chest for firmer leverage and to keep him down.

"Watch me, Bertolt. Don't even blink," I commanded before removing my shirt and tossing it aside. I knelt down and began to undo my pants and carefully removed them leaving me in just my basic bra and underwear. Sure enough, he didn't take his eyes off me, which strained at the sight. He shifted in a sad attempt to come closer to me, but I merely chuckled.

"Pathetic."

His whimpers and moans reached new heights when I straddled his hips once again, and I bent forward and connected his starving lips onto mine. He frantically tried to grab my bottom lip with his lips and teeth, but I didn't allow him to do so for long.

"Whatever you do..." I pinched his right nipple hard, eliciting a nearly silent cry from him. "Be patient. Wait."

He locked his jaw tight when I started to rub our clothed genitals together. It didn't take him long to get painfully hard and frantically bounce his hips in an attempt to maximize friction, however rough it could be. It didn't help that both of my hands were playing with his nipples as I nibbled hard onto the crook of his neck.

When he got too frantic, I lifted my hips enough for him to completely avoid me, much to his dismay. I began to grow impatient myself, admittingly, and decided to bring in the game changer: I bit hard into the corner of his neck and shoulder to draw blood and tasted him for the first time (well, second). After his initial yelp, he froze upon hearing primal growls escape my throat as I lapped him up. With shaky hips, I lowered myself back down onto him and ground hard but slow, immediately making Bertolt's whole body quiver.

When he felt me slowly snake a hand down to undo his restraints, he thrust back onto me harder in anticipation. I had my fill and lifted my head to peer into his eyes. They widen instantly taking in full view how hungry they were, glistening in the lantern light. I lowered my head just enough for him to devour my lower lip. I gave him one long, messy kiss before staring dead in his eyes when his teeth held onto my lower lip once more.

"Bite. _Now_."

His pupils fully dilated when he bit down and my blood rapidly spread through his wet lips and teeth. He clenched his eyes shut and groaned louder than I had heard him do so, ending in a guttural grunt. I pulled away the restraints and in a nanosecond he grabbed my hips and in one fell swoop flipped me underneath him. He grabbed my bra and lifted it up and off of me and threw it across the room. Bertolt straddled me and greedily drank my mouth while holding my head in one sprawled hand, the other greedily squeezing and massaging my breasts, alternating.

I was a quivering, rattled mess under his assault. Everything escalated so fast yet each moment felt like a year. He pressed hard against me as his hands painfully clasped onto my hips, grinding against me, our undergarments both soaked in our primal arousals.

"_-_____, p-please...  _please_..." he practically cried into my shoulder. How in Walls names he restrained himself in this state, I had no idea. I swallowed hard to re-moisten my throat.

"Y-yes, ah-ha, n-now..." I uttered while tugging the band of his underwear down. He finished removing them himself since his painfully, fully erect cock would catch it, and he easily slid off my underwear when I lifted my hips.

We both began to come back to earth from the blood in each other's systems as we fully realized what was about to happen. After positioning himself, he took in a slow, audible gasp and looked back upon me and marveled. I was panting hard through my swollen, red lips and looked on him with a need I hadn't felt in a very long time. His eyes widened and he gently cupped my face, a manner you wouldn't have expected merely seconds ago.

"I need you..." he breathed.

I grabbed the back of his head and gave him a long, passionate kiss.

"Bertolt... _take_ me...  _now_."

His eyes widened and pupils dilated once more as he held onto the back of my knees, gently pressed them towards me, and entered. He entered slow and tenderly despite me being so wet it was soaking into the sheets underneath. His breathe hitched before a slow but loud moan quivered out. I fell silent and tilted my head all the way back, mouth almost fully agape, savoring every centimeter of him I felt press into me. I didn't move until I felt a hot, gentle hand cup my cheek, and I looked back on him. His face was strained but with relief, too. He rested his free forearm next to my head and inched closer until we panted on each other's lips.

I strained my eyes and whined through clenched teeth and nodded, signaling him to begin. I couldn't wait a second longer.

Bertolt locked an open-mouthed kiss as he began to thrust into me, slowly and lovingly. I moaned in thanks, hooking my left arm underneath his armpit to reach up on hold onto his shoulder while the other's fingers snaked up through his soaking wet hair and held onto his scalp.

As he picked up the pace, it was harder to maintain a decent kiss so he broke off to moan excitedly into the crook of my neck. I took the opportunity to raise my ankles and wrap them around his hip and moaned hard into him as he hit that one spot successfully. He jolted at my reaction, delighted.

"B-Bertolt... Nngh, h-harder... Fuck me...  _now_..." I growled before reopening the wound I caused earlier and lapped up a newly freed pool of blood. Energy spiked and I easily met his thrusts with mine, causing him to shudder hard as he thrust harder and deeper in return.

I dug my nails into his shoulder deep the more he continued, our pants becoming more dry and hoarse. Bertolt pressed his teeth against my skin and held them there as he snuck his hands down to grasp painfully on my hips. I shuddered in anticipation as I approached my climax.

"B-Bertolt, I... I'm...!"

He moaned my name before biting into me to taste my blood once more, and he almost instantly started to pound into me erratically. I tried my best to stifle a cry into his shoulder. I couldn't even match his thrusts anymore, so I brought my bent knees towards me as much as I could as he slammed into my G-spot with every hit. He was going at a rate with such force, it surely would have been painful for anyone else.

"Walls, _____...!" he growled into my wounded neck.

My whines increased in frequency and pitch, and Bertolt released one hand from my hips in time for me to cover my mouth. Almost right then, my body stiffened, and I released my climax. My right hand scraped along the length of his back, leaving fresh, bloody marks. I convulsed helplessly underneath him as he continued to thrust into me. I screamed his name repeatedly into his hot, wet palm as much as my almost dry throat would allow.

The contractions around his cock proved too much as he cemented his mouth onto the crook of my neck and yelled my name as he stiffened and released himself into me, finishing off with a few last slow and deep thrusts.

He slowly and carefully pulled out and rolled us onto our sides, facing each other.

As soon as I felt well enough to get off the bed, I quickly as possible trotted to my bathroom to relieve myself and clean up, grabbed another wet cloth and brought it back with me to bed for Bertolt to use. I blew out the lantern and climbed back in, pulling up the sheets with me. We refused to allow the post-coitus glow to be ruined, and we quickly and easily snuggled up to each other once done.

We were still panting and trying to re-moisten our throats when we looked at each other for the first time post-coitus. He rested a hand on my exposed cheek while I straightened his locks out, which was easy being soaked in sweat. I was facing the window and Bertolt was able to catch every detail of the colors in my eyes and smiled wide and beautifully.

"You're gorgeous..." he said without hesitation.

I giggled and lovingly cupped and squeezed his still semi-moist cheek.

"I think 'breathtaking' would be more appropriate now, no?"

Bertolt shook his head and quietly laughed. "That's terrible."

"Yeah, well," I scooted closer to plant a tender kiss on his soft lips. "Stop giving me terrible ideas, hm?"

He laughed once more into the kiss and carefully turned me around to spoon me, wrapping his long arms completely around my chest and waist, his shins intertwined with my ankles.

"This is a type of terrible I could get used to, though," he sighed satisfactorily.

I hummed in agreement. "Especially if it makes you laugh. _Especially_ if you're happy."

He took my chin with his thumb and forefinger to bring me in for one last passionate kiss. "I am. Truly."

I smiled into him, and we quickly drifted off into sleep soon after breaking off the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to treat you guys to this early given the holiday break here. *wink*wink* ~~You're welcome.~~ I'll upload again Friday-ish, as usual. It'll be a fun, lovely chapter, I hope y'all will enjoy it. I'm amused the first chapter with intercourse with Bertl is nine. Like the song "Love Potion No. 9", and it's also my numerology number, haha.
> 
> By the way, the "slow build" tag refers to you/Reiner and Bertolt/you/Reiner moments, so please be patient with that. I know it's difficult, esp. given the manga lately, but it'll be worth it, I promise.


	10. Instinct

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pillow talk, horsin' around, and a warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Begins with Bert's POV since you'll still be asleep for a bit. Lots of fluff and relationship development. Plus some Jean flirting. He just seems like a fun dude to mess with.

[Bertolt's POV]

I woke up first. Judging by the lighting outside the stone window, it's earlier than the first time I spent the night. I can feel my face getting hot at the thought of that again; I wonder if I'll ever get over getting so hot n' bothered at the things we've done. Is this what they call the "puppy love" stage? A couple of good shakes of the head snapped me out of that mindset. _Don't use that word, even in innocent context. Things could easily get worse at any moment. And even then, don't catastrophize things; try to be happy and optimistic. If not for yourself, then for her sake._

I took my left hand and tried to rub out the tingly sleep sensation out of my right arm. Not sure how I slept, but at some point I must've fallen asleep on it. I woke up in a more diagonal position but was relieved to see no part of me was on top of _____, not even an arm or foot. Okay, those couldn't be too bad, but my chest crushing her surely wouldn't be too pleasant.

I smiled seeing her breathing slowly and steadily still asleep before getting up to relieve myself and clean up as best I could in lieu of a shower. I could wait until she woke up. We've only showered together one other time, but it was amazing and I hope it can become routine. I felt the back of my neck grow hot at the thought of routinely showering with her and curled a small smile.

Climbing back into her bed carefully, I embraced her backside as she had turned onto her side while I was gone.

I was hoping I was quiet enough to not disturb her, but she hummed and slowly stirred. "Sorry..." I couldn't help but apologize. As much as I looked forward to being with her today, she looked so beautiful and at peace asleep.

[Reader's POV]

"Mmm, no, don't apologize," my voice was deep with sleep. "Remember what I've told you before...?" I asked as I turned into him.

"Right, sorry—shi—..."

I chuckled at that. "At least you caught yourself."

He giggled at his own ironic mistake.

"It's okay, I got insecurities and doubts of my own to work on, too." I kissed the corner of his smile. I said to myself what seemed like the nth time how much I adored seeing him happy, even briefly.

"It's often hard to tell. You come off pretty confident." He eyed me while stroking and combing out my tattered hair with his fingertips.

"Trust me," I snorted, "it took a lot of work to get this far. And I'm nowhere near done yet. Some things help. It's easy and fun to flirt with the likes of you." I smiled mischievously. Bertolt's cheeks dusted pink, and he darted his eyes away. I giggled at the expected reaction. "Not too long ago, I would have never kissed you the first time the way I did. But my own advice got the better of me. For once. And I'm glad I did." It was my turn to turn away and blush in embarrassment. "...Thank you, by the way." Bertolt looked back at me with confusion in his eyes. "For reciprocating."

Bertolt finished getting out a loose knot in my hair and gently placed his palm on my exposed cheek. He closed the gap and gave a welcomed kiss that I moaned into as thanks. I sighed and smiled, stroking the back of his hand. Looking back at him, I pressed against his shoulder to roll him over to his other side. I scooted up so I could spoon him the best I could, given the height difference. Mostly torso and shoulder hugging, it seems, plus a hooked leg over his hip.

"You're such a sap," my moist breathe brushed past his ear. He chuckled. "Well, most of the time," I gave his exposed butt a good smack, not unlike last time. He jolted more from the surprise of it than the sensation. "Oh, those poor souls who have such mediocre sex..."

"_-_____! Do y-you have to be so blunt?" He was clearly embarrassed. Again. When he didn't have to be.

"Why not? Nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. Having a healthy dose of both sensual and sexual is ideal, in my opinion."

He laughed through a loud groan.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop." I began to gently suckle on his earlobe. "Sho whaht time ish it, anyway?"

Bertolt sighed contently. "I haven't heard any bells yet, but it's earlier."

I hummed in response but didn't realize the action on his ear would make him shiver. "Shorreh." He shook his head. I broke off to plant kisses in the small area right below and behind the ear to speak more coherently. "Good, no one to let us know we need to get our butts in gear."

I planted a few more before patting his shoulder a couple of times, and I propped myself up. "Meaning we should take initiative and start getting ready. I'm assuming you're not off today, either. What do you got?"

"Kitchen."

"Ah. Stables here."

He propped himself up on one arm and rubbed his eyes with the other.

"Oy, Bertl-butt, shower." I smacked his butt twice to coax him further.

He grabbed my wrist and grinned while looking at me from his profile. "Okay, that's enough outta you. I'm coming." He swung his legs around, keeping my wrist held, and scooped me up into his arms as he made his way to the bathroom.

"Really? It usually takes more than that, usually with some audio cues, too..."

Bertolt's face contorted slightly with embarrassment. "_____..."

"Fine, I'll keep my mouth distracted until we reach the shower," and I began to nibble on the collarbone closest to me. He bit back a swear. "Ish okay, wull f'nish wiff a col' shower."

"_-_____!"

* * *

"Oy, _____, we're having issues with this one. Do you mind helping us with him?" one of the stable hands asked as I entered the stables.

"Sure, which one, exactly?" The more I walked inside and my eyes adjusted to the lighting difference, I made out Krista tending to a chestnut stallion. She was grooming him with the help of a step ladder.

"_____, good to see you!" she beamed, and I looked upon her in a similar fashion. She looked like the perfect little goddess she is, brushing the calm stallion like you'd expect in a fairy tale.

"Krista!" We one-arm embraced since she was preoccupied, and I had to make my way further back to reach the troubled horse. "Good to see you here today! How are you doing, sweetheart?" I couldn’t help but speak so affectionately to her. Her aura just asks for it.

"Very well! I'm glad I'll get to see some of your famous work with the animals today!" Her voice didn't lose any of its sweet pep.

"Please, you're too kind," I literally waved off her compliment. "It's just something I can do."

I reached the stable hand who was standing near a stall. I could sense the black stallion's jittery footwork before I could even see him.

"He seems pretty frustrated. Would you mind taking him out for a bit to drain some of his energy?"

I hadn't worked with this one before but was fairly confident I could handle him.

"Sure. What he's got on should be fine enough," referring to the equipment he wore. "I'm probably just going to have him run circles around me then ride him out in the field for a bit. Sound okay?"

"Yes, thank you." The stable hand unlocked the gate, and I slowly reached for the reigns while avoiding eye contact with the beast. The horse shifted anxiously a bit, but I was able to grab the reigns when he stiffened briefly. I had to tug a few times to coax him out of his stall, but he soon cooperated enough to follow me out. I felt his pace quicken when we were fully outside.

"No wonder he's anxious," I thought aloud to myself as I adjusted the reigns to a long, single cord. "He's young, got his balls, surrounded by mares and other stallions. I imagine this is how Jean often feels."

"I FUCKING HEARD THAT!" Jean cried out from... god knows where. How the hell did he hear that?! "WHAT ARE YOU GIGGLING AT, BERTOLT?!" Ah, he's kitchen buddies with Bertolt today. I heard Krista's angelic giggles from inside the stables follow suit.

"You're still my favorite Jean, no worries!" I cupped my hand to the general direction of the kitchens to minimize noise direction toward the horse. Last thing I want is to spook and earn myself a kick from him.

I brought the stallion into the clearing and once I judged a good radius, took the whip off my hip of the stable uniform and gently signaled the beast the run circles around me as I held onto the end of his now elongated reign. He kept a good pace and was in line perfectly. We were able to keep this up for several minutes.

"Taking a break already, Jean?" I asked when my vision caught him outside observing, leaning against the fence on his hip with arms crossed. Krista had stepped onto the lowest beam, resting on the highest, and happily watched. Bertolt, even though he shouldn't since that'd mean the kitchen would be unattended, came out but watched from the greatest distance anyway.

"Yes, already," he scoffed.

"Be patient. If you want, I'll take care of you next," I said flatly.

Jean furrowed his brows and growled, clearly not amused but warmed up soon after.

I used the whip and reins to gently communicate to the stallion to slow his pace and allow me to approach him. Once at his side, I exhaled heavily once to prep myself to leap onto the side of the saddle and positioned myself easily once on. I knew I was good, better than most, but my short stature still made me nervous getting on every time. The stallion shifted a lot, adjusting, but I could feel him calm fairly quickly underneath me. Thankfully, some of his energy depleted already.

I had him trot in a few circles as I fixed his reins to proper riding settings before making my way to the fenced in yard where the others were. I approached Jean and he tensed hard, showing me his gritted teeth. With a couple of clicks of my tongue, the horse grabbed the collar of his shirt and apron and dragged him out onto the open field. He knew better than to protest a Scout horse. Krista cupped her hand to giggle hard into it.

"Stand still," I commanded. Jean easily did so, thanks to his tension. I shifted and motioned for the stallion to run fast, tight circles around Jean, who quickly began to shiver. Krista kept a loose hand over her now gaping mouth, eyes widened. Bertolt's eyes widened, too, jaw only slightly opened, a couple of fingers lazily on his chin.

"Oy, try your best not to shake, okay?" I warned Jean. "Beasts of prey are sensitive to that, military or not."

He did, quite a bit actually, which surprised me. He had to shut eyes tight and focus on his breathing in order to do so, however.

"I'm done, you can open your eyes now," I told Jean as I widened and slowed the circling around him. When he felt it safe, he practically bolted back over to the others at the fence. Krista had gotten off the fence to bounce on her feet, giving a gentle round of applause, with a wave of "yay"s and "whoo"s.

Once done circling, I had the stallion trot into the yard again and approached Bertolt, who looked legitimately surprised. I smiled at him.

"I didn't forget about you. Walk out here with me," I said, reaching out my hand. I lowered my voice to a whisper only he could hear. "No need to be jealous."

He smiled and gladly accepted. As we walked out, Krista's "aww!" increased pitches the longer she held it out. Jean gawked with a truly dumbfounded look, enough for him to hunch his shoulders forward. He must've seen the smiles on either or both of our faces, possibly feeding off Krista's reaction, too.

"Hold my hand gently, gonna do a few more circles with you centered."

It didn't take us long to get situated once I commanded the stallion to trot around Bertolt, whose height and long arm worked well with the exercise. I kept eye contact on him for safety but took advantage to soak in his absolutely beaming face. He had the widest grin that showed in his eyes as he gawked at me. If he was jealous at my interactions at Jean at all earlier, there was zero sign of it now. When Bertolt's face was completely away from the gaze of the others, he whispered "Goddess...!" while mouthing it exaggeratedly in case I couldn't hear.

My face bolted straight ahead, failing to conceal my embarrassment, but I gave a wide, open-mouthed smile nonetheless. "Stop..." I whispered to him.

Krista just kept squealing, dancing, and bouncing in place taking in the romantic sight, for all she knew.

A few more laps, and I slowed to a stop but Bertolt kept his hand locked onto mine.

"I kept you all out here too long, you need to get back to work before you get in trouble. I'm gonna take him out there running for a bit." I smiled down on him.

"Be careful," he hadn't loosened his smile a bit.

"I will," I grinned one last time, and he finally released my hand. I looked up and raised my voice towards the others, including the stable hand who had been leaning in the doorway amused.

"Going to take him out running. I'll be back soon!" I glanced down at Bertolt one last time and gave his upper back a hard pat to help prompt him along. As soon as he completely turned to make his way back to the fence, I turned towards the outside and gave a hard, full-body motion to signal a gallop. The stallion wasn't quite prepared, so he reared up and a loud whinny bellowed out, making everyone look upon me with widened gazes. I took the rear in perfect stride, leaning forward in time for balance, and as soon as his hooves hit the ground, he bolted forward at nearly full speed.

Krista quickly went back to cheering, clapping, and bouncing as Bertolt was back inside the fence, turning her body towards his to indicate her applause was for him. Or us. He tried his best to avoid eye contact as he made his way back to the kitchens, but Jean would foil his plan.

"C'mon, lover boy," Jean sighed and whacked the flustered man's shoulder with the back of his hand as Bertolt approached his direction.

"I-it's n-not like th-that...!" Bertolt immediately broke out into a near dangerous mix of chokes and stuttering.

"Jean, don't embarrass him! They looked beautiful out there together!" Krista called as she made her way back to the stables to continue her work.

"Yeah, yeah, I don't care. Just calling 'em as I see 'em," Jean groaned as Bertolt picked up his pace fast enough to easily pass Jean back to the kitchen.

* * *

I had returned about an hour later and quickly put away the much calmer and more satisfied stallion. I asked the same stable hand a question before quickly heading out. I was glad not to run into Krista again, only because I was in a hurry.

Luckily, I had found who I was looking for within the veterans' building fairly quickly once I made my way inside.

"Hange, good. Do you have a minute? I need to talk to you." I lightly panted.

She was still recomposing herself from my unexpected appearance, eyes wide and ogling.

"Well, maybe a little more than a minute," I admitted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the Kudos and increasing hit count! Much love to y'all!
> 
> I had a scenario in my head involving flirting with Jean while on horseback while showing off Reader's skills with animals for a long time and needed to work it in. I wanted to work it in before Reader and Bertolt became an item, but I think I postponed it too long. Plus, it led to an unexpectedly beautiful moment between Reader and Bertolt, so I'm very glad I worked it in. I'd imagine since Bertolt likes strong women like Annie, he'd swoon over you on horseback not unlike Diana/Wonder Woman, my personal goddess. [Here's](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/RadicalLindsay/media/Public/1201171923-1.jpg.html) a very appropriate autograph I acquired over the summer, by the way. What is this, a crossover reference?
> 
> Happy to have worked Krista in, Ymir will pop up, too. They were my original SnK OPT, even before Reibert, so I do adore them so, so much. Krista is so pure, I imagine her eating up any sight of romance. She'd support any ship between good people.
> 
> Thanks Ace Attorney for instilling in me the difference between a ladder and stepladder.


	11. Now... About That Beer I Owed Ya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After relaying what you had told Hange to Bertolt and Reiner, hopefully without consequence, Connie invites the three of you to a lil’ get together once enough alcohol is stocked. Bertolt’s unintended reactions jeopardizes the privacy of your relationship with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Alcohol and drunken antics references, but nothing bad like fighting or harassment. Swears and lots of awesome 104th kiddos. Aside from some hints of plot development in the beginning, mostly relationship development in this chapter, because that’s why we’re here, yeah?

"So you think we'll be attacked soon," Reiner said flatly. He was leaning against the wall by the door of Bertolt's room.

I nodded. "Think of it as Sasha's senses but more acute and just as accurate, if not more. I haven't been wrong before. I did not sense Zeke or his Ape titan, though. He'll probably see if this wave succeeds first. Still, we need to be cautious."

Reiner looked down onto his crossed arms. I met with him and Bertolt in Bertolt’s room privately. Bertolt was sitting on his bed, I in front of him, his torso pressed against me with an arm wrapped loosely around my front. I could feel moist heat radiating off his face. He was definitely apprehensive.

"...I'm sorry," my voice lowered as I hung my head. I had a bad feeling I had been watched when I was out on the research expedition weeks ago. That's the only explanation. Perhaps my titan form drew the attention of any nearby, despite our isolation at the mountains.

"No..." Reiner sighed heavily, but it wasn't reassuring. "He'd be returning eventually anyway. Bertolt and I have a job to do, after all."

I smirked, my pessimistic, dark sense of humor kicking in. "If it's any consolation, hopefully they'll focus on fucking me up, kidnap me or something, and they'll have no reason to focus on you.”

"_-_____, don't say that...!" Bertolt snapped his head towards me so fast, I think he flung a sweat drop on my head. Reiner simply looked up at me, brows just as furrowed as before.

"That's the worst case scenario," I said. "I think I got this. I could take 'em. You two haven't seen me in action yet."

"D-don't worry. I'll prote—"

"Stop," I interrupted Bertolt. I turned away from him, my voice deep and serious. "I'm not worth the risk of your life. Anyone's." I felt Bertolt tense up and tried to pull me in closer. I shut my eyes tight and winced. "Whatever you two do, don't transform," I said looking Reiner square in the eyes. Then I looked at Bertolt. "Do you hear me?" He gulped and nodded after a pause. I couldn't keep my eyes on him for long, or I'd lose composure even more than I believe I was.

"I'm going to speak with Hange, most likely Erwin and Levi, too, at least once more before we go out for my reveal as an ally. I'm sure she'll at least have us fully equipped. Erwin and Levi should be coming along as well. I'm not sure if _I_ want everyone to come. I fear what Jaeger will do. If I'm correct and we get ambushed, I bet he'll transform, people will more likely fight for him than me, and lives will be lost. Lives are always lost when people fight for him. I'll keep you two posted."

After a painful moment of silence, I spoke one last time in a dead serious tone.

"If needed, be the best damn _soldiers_ you are. Do _not_ do anything that would piss me off, like go out of your way for me or anything else that'd cost you your life."

Reiner sighed, but more from acceptance and relief this time. I felt a bit better. "Okay."

I looked at Bertolt. He was looking down and away, shaking slightly but rhythmically, unable to form a response I'd find satisfying. _For fuck's sake_... I sneered, looking away from him. I truly wondered if telling them was the best idea, but I don't want their covers blown, either. I was wary of Reiner given the times he almost did it himself based on Bertolt's stories, but now... I feared the dolt behind me would do so for me, given how he's been reacting. The downsides of getting involved.

There was a hard trio of knocks on the door that thankfully ended our conversation. Bertolt jumped hard in place and promptly got off me. I scooted over to further separate our distance. Reiner cocked an eyebrow and lifted himself off the wall to open the door.

"Oy, Bertolt, you in there? Is Reiner there, too?" Connie asked through the door.

Reiner opened and quickly returned to his solider state seeing his good friend.

"Hey, Reiner!" Connie beamed, then looked behind him to see Bertolt stiffly sitting at the foot of his bed. When he noticed me sitting cross-legged on the edge of the front end, Connie cocked an eyebrow briefly but it faded away quickly. I gave him a smile and a dopey wave of my fingers.

"Hey, guys! You all done for today?"

"Yep. You?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Yeah. Came up here to spread the word that we're planning a little 'celebration' tonight at the abandoned mess hall," Connie smirked through his air quotes.

"What's the occasion?" I inquired.

"We have enough booze stocked up for the whole 104th."

I smiled.

"Good enough reason in my book," Reiner's trademark mischievous smirk curled. "I'm down, I'll even help set up."

"Great! You two coming?"

Bertolt nodded, looking a little more calm now, thankfully.

"Duh," I smiled. "See you tonight."

"Sweet, see you then!" he and Reiner promptly left, Reiner closing the door behind him. They broke into small talk instantly as I listened for their voices and footsteps to completely fade away.

I walked on my knees on Bertolt's bed back to his side and wrapped my right arm across his shoulders and grasped onto him tight. "Hey..."

He was able to look at me easily this time, but concern was painted all over his face. I closed my eyes and sighed, took his cheek in my other hand and turned him to kiss long and tenderly. He immediately moaned into it and cupped my cheek. "Please do not make me regret warning you two," I pleaded when we broke away.

Bertolt pressed his forehead against mine. "I cannot lose someone again." I could feel his face contort in front of mine. My heart skipped a beat painfully feeling the weight in those words, knowing the full meaning behind them.

I took my forehead off his to plant a long, hard kiss on his forehead and returned mine to it. "Me neither..."

He gently took me off him only to press himself completely against me in a full upper body embrace. I smiled and loosely wrapped my arms around his neck as he stroked my back with one hand and cupped the back of my head with the other.

"C'mon," I nuzzled against him. "There will be a day or two, at least, to let everything sink in. Let's focus on seeing everyone tonight and loosening up a bit. Sound good?"

He nodded.

"Good," I smiled and shifted to stand off his bed. However, a hand had slid down my arm and stayed wrapped around the wrist. I looked at him questioningly.

"C-could we just... lay in bed for a while?" He looked up at me through his bangs as if it was a silly request.

I melted a little as a soft, quiet giggle escaped through my teeth. _He's too precious. He's worried, nervous, it's the first time I'm alone in his room since we got involved and all he wants more than anything right now is to cuddle._  "Of course."

His demeanor completely relaxed, finally, as he crawled to lay on his bed and gently guided me to lay next to him.

* * *

When I entered the abandoned mess hall, I was probably the last to arrive, which was perfectly fine with me. I'm usually very punctual, either on time or early, but socials were sometimes an exception. Bertolt and I were still cautious about being seen together, and sure enough, he was already there as planned, beer in hand. This gave me time to dress up since this was the first time I would be at one of Connie's famous parties. Arriving too early also tends to force the few people there to awkwardly socialize while waiting for more to trickle in, and I wanted to avoid that, even though I knew Reiner was there.

Despite the commotion, I heard a loud wolf whistle in my direction as I made sure the close the doors behind me securely. I winced but relaxed into an annoyed sigh upon recognizing who it was. Chuckles and noises of approval from others peppered the air.

"Look at you all dressed up, _ma'am_!" Reiner walked over to me, grinning wide.

It was known I didn't often dress this way. But tonight I wore a pencil skirt, dark stockings, dress shoes, blouse, and dress jacket that matched the skirt, all main articles a nice tan color. Reiner scooped me up into his arms, being mindful as to not expose underneath my skirt, carried me over to wear he and Bertolt were sitting, and placed me between them. Reiner plopped an arm over my shoulder, and I simply stared him down while he looked smug and pleased. Bertolt did his best to avoid turning his head towards me in a gawk, but his eyes fixated on my legs.

"I appreciate the ride Reiner, but I came here for something else."

"Suuure you did," Reiner teased as he bumped me so hard from the side that I hit Bertolt a bit, too. Bertolt tensed and blushed slightly at the implication. Reiner ruffled my hair and pointed me towards a nearby keg and table with additional liquids on it. "Knock yourself out, we have plenty tonight."

"Thaaank _you_ ," I got up and headed over while straightening out my hair and inspected the area with a quizzical frown. I took a nearby cup from the stack and poured just enough beer for a taste test. I downed it but winced. "No." As I stepped sideways to the bottles on the table, Jean opened his big mouth.

"Oh, man up, that stuff's some of the best we had in awhile," he smirked holding up his cup proudly.

I turned to him with a cocked eyebrow as I mixed some vodka, a bit of freshly squeezed orange juice, and tea into the cup. "I am, that's why I'm going for the hard stuff, sweetie." Connie burst into a loud, comical laugh, eliciting a few from others.

"Plus, it tastes better when mixed with the right ingredients. Win-win," I said, taking a swig once I stood in front of him. Jean began to frown, but smiled and shrugged in acceptance.

"Can't argue with you there. Good to see a woman who can hold her own." He raised his cup to clank against mine. I obligated but was genuinely surprised.

"Holy shit, you're not pissed or annoyed with me? Now _that's_ a cause for celebration! A turning point, surely!" I lifted my arms theatrically as I headed my way back to my favorite boys. Connie reached out for a fist bump as I passed him, which I returned.

"What can I say," he shrugged again. "You're alright."

I raised my cup at him and winked once I sat back down. "Back 'atcha."

I took a moment to scope out the room while nursing my concoction.

Mikasa was keeping a watchful eye on Eren, who looked like he wanted to be there less and less the more he drank. She nursed her beer but looked completely focused and sober. Armin was with them, observing amused. He looked perfectly alert, but his posture indicated the alcohol had physically loosened him up a bit.

Ymir had her arm draped over Krista, who was as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as ever, looking perfect even with a beer in hand, in a more feminine skirt and blouse combination than I. Well, two hands, which looked even cuter. Ymir lazily had a cup in hand. Something told me she had nursed a single cup all night so far and was more focused on protecting and being with Krista than drinking.

Marco drank with class as Jean was clearly loose, especially based on his interaction with me earlier. Hopefully it would carry over when sober. It was nice to get a little respect and admiration from him, and I did genuinely enjoy teasing him as a friend.

Connie and Sasha began dancing in the middle of the floor, both trying to outdo each other without spilling their drinks, making it a fun challenge between themselves.

After several minutes of small talk and bantering, most everyone lost much of their inhibitions. Eren actually left early with Mikasa. He drank too much and was getting upset and confrontational. Armin indicated he wanted to stay and people-watch. Connie and Sasha were being obnoxious and goofy, making random or crude jokes. But they were enduring, acting like drunk teenagers. Jean was rambling about something, quite tipsy, but Marco did an excellent job keeping up to hear him out. Reiner was taking a break between all the cups of beer he had, lounging and trying to check out everyone. I glanced at him and shook my head at the sight, amused, then turned to Bertolt at my other side.

"Doing okay?" I asked. I hoped gatherings like this weren't too overwhelming for him. Thankfully, he seemed quite content. If he didn't use to be, I'd imagine he got accustomed over time with age.

He looked at me and smiled, "Yeah, you?"

I nodded. "Yeah, starting to feel it pretty good, though." We were both on our third drinks, but given I had the harder stuff, I was feeling its effects fairly well. My lips were getting noticeably tingly.

Before I knew it, Marco suddenly stood in front me, extending a hand.

"May I?" he asked ever so sweetly.

I stuttered and blushed while raising my hand to meet his. "I-uhm, y-yeah, sure?" As he helped me up, I sat my cup on where I sat and tried my best to remain steady as Marco took me out to the middle of the floor and tried to help me dance. Keyword: tried. My equilibrium was shot, but he was patient and laughed through it and helped guide me.

Reiner smirked proudly, but his gaze quickly turned to Bertolt who didn't look completely relaxed or pleased. Quite nervous and anxious, to be exact, looking upon us worriedly. Reiner groaned quietly and looked around to see if anyone else had noticed. He caught eyes with Ymir, who glanced at Bertolt then back to Reiner. Reiner rolled his eyes and nodded slightly towards his best friend with a bit of a frown. Ymir nodded once and got up to sit in between the two men, after placing my cup on the table space behind her.

"Okay, what's the deal. Krista told me some things today that's got me curious," she questioned Bertolt with an arm hanging loosely on his shoulder. He tensed up, leaned away from her and began to stutter. One by one, more and more pairs of eyes followed the odd confrontation. Some, like Connie, Sasha, and Jean, were too intoxicated to notice.

After a while of failing to do anything more than simple side-steps, sways, and twirls, Marco decided it was time to let me go. He guided me to my seat with a hand pressed lightly on my upper back for support.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to steal her away from you," Marco winked at Bertolt, which I missed. I did catch Bertolt's widen eyes and blush, however. And Ymir's naughty smirk, who was sitting on Bertolt's other side, Krista next to her, fidgeting excitedly. Reiner kept his elbows behind him pressed on the table, head leaned back fully onto his nape, staring me down with the sliest smile.

 _Oh dear lord_...

I hummed and sat down, but this time scooted closer to Bertolt to lean into his side fully. He tensed up as Krista squealed with delight, and Ymir and Reiner's grins widened. _I might as well give 'em a lil' show._

"Hey, Bertl..." It was the first time I had called him by his nickname without the word "butt" following and in front of others. It immediately caught his attention, and he flushed. "My lips are really numb." The hard liquor wasn't going away anytime soon, I really couldn't ignore how much they tingled.

He began to pant and stutter, fidgeting with his cup.

 _Oh, for the love of— not much of an exhibitionist, are you?_ I joked in my head to suppress the slight anger brewing inside. _We're gonna change that_...

"Bertooooolt," I sang and pressed my head firm against his shoulder and turned his chin towards me. When our eyes met, he soon focused on my features, nervousness gradually leaving him. I was flushed from the alcohol, eyes half lidded, cheeks and lips dusted red. I licked my lips to moistened them as the alcohol had dried them a bit, but also to remind him of my earlier comment.

He slowly dipped down and kissed lightly at first, but harder as he found more courage, and eagerly cupped the side of my face.

"About time!" Ymir laughed and Krista went full-on fangirl and squealed and danced in her seat in delight. Reiner guffawed and rubbed my back hard. Others responded with a variety of cheers, claps, and whistles once they caught on. We were trying to continue, but we kept laughing into the kissing thanks to everyone's intoxicated encouragement.

I turned my head to face the majority of them. Bertolt chose to kiss the exposed side of my neck instead of stopping. "Do you mind?" I laughed. "We're in the middle of s-something h-here!" I giggled feeling Bertolt's laugh tickle the side of my sensitive neck. I turned to lay my legs across his lap so he could hold onto me while we continued to kiss, no longer giving a damn. Finally.

"So how long has this been going on?" Sasha cooed, wagging a lazy finger back and forth between us.

"A while, kind of. Maybe about a month or more?" Armin quipped, seemingly out of nowhere. A few snickered and made curious noises, amused how he'd been one of the few to know from early on.

"And I helped!" Reiner bellowed. "Wait, did I? Yes," he concluded with a couple of drunkenly exaggerated nods.

The whole room suddenly fell silent when a door opened. Levi stepped in and closed behind himself. He looked around, face stony as ever, and made a beeline for the liquor. He grabbed a couple of cups, poured one with mostly tea and a bit of hard liquor, surely his, and the other he filled with beer. Most tried not to stare, but lone coughs and clearing of the throat could be heard here and there.

As Levi was walking out, he stopped directly in front of me and Bertolt in our precarious positions on the seat of the bench. He stared down our frozen selves which prompted Jean to snicker so loud, it echoed. I responded by locking eyes on the two very different drinks he was holding and gave a knowing grin. Levi's pupils shrank a bit, and he downed his drink in one go.

"Nice...!" I complimented, widening my eyes.

Levi made his way to the door and spoke into it but loud enough for all of us to hear.

"I trust you all know how to clean up after yourselves by now," he paused for what felt like a whole minute. "...Carry on." And he was gone.

"I can tell you one thing," I quipped when I was sure he was completely out of earshot. "I know Hange doesn't drink."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive the day late upload! Went out last night a bit and was tired, also getting sick. But this was a fun chapter, so I hope it was worth the delay. Thank for the kudos, bookmark, and unbelievably increasing hit count! I'm so glad you guys keep coming back! <3
> 
> Shameless Barney Calhoun ( _Half-Life 2_ ) reference in the title.
> 
> You're also welcome for the heavily implied Leviwin at the end. (I actually have always liked Levihan, but as a multi-shipper, I can easily see and approve of Leviwin, too.)
> 
> I also forgot the show [this](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/RadicalLindsay/media/Public/1201171923-1.jpg.html) off in the last chapter, which would have been perfect. D'oh! I'll add a link to it into that chapter as well. Had to get a horse joke in, and luckily Mike got the reference because he's rad like that.


	12. Tenacity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finally coming out to the heart of the 104th, Bertolt’s confidence is boosted and you two find a way to express that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut after the double line break, but no intercourse given both of your states. Swears, the usual.

No more than half an hour after Levi left did we gradually disperse to our respective quarters. Connie and Sasha wobbled out together trying to support each other, literally. Jean was trying to keep his head up while Marco helped Armin clean up, as both of the two latter men were among the most composed. Reiner fell asleep on the bench snoring quite loudly, but none cared too much. I had turned to sit properly on the bench and rested my head on my arms to doze off a bit. But I was alert enough to watch Bertolt and Ymir get up to aid the other two boys clean. Krista sat next to me, making small talk about how happy she was for Bertolt and I. All I could do was amuse her and agree.

Bertolt would often check on me by glancing over. Ymir often did, too, to Krista, when Bertolt wasn’t. It was quite adorable how they alternated keeping their doting eyes on us.

"Oy, gorilla, we're done here," Ymir smacked Reiner's bulking shoulder, jolting him awake with a loud snort.

"Yeah! Yeah..." he groaned, rubbing a hand hard into his face.

Marco was helping Jean up, would could barely walk. Marco lovingly rolled his eyes and held him up to his side with one of Jean's arms, leaving together. Ymir pulled Krista in, draping a protective arm around her shoulders and bid us goodnight before walking out.

Bertolt sat down between Reiner and I and was coaxing me to be cradled in his arms. "How are you feeling? Think you can walk?"

"Probably. But I'm so tired," I yawned. "What about you, Reiner? You're good?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he sighed, nearly fully awake again. "Plus, I gotta pee really bad. I lost count at cup number six. Might have had seven."

"Ugh, now that you mention it..." I groaned at the realization how full my own bladder was.

Bertolt drew out a breathy chuckle. "I'll carry you, we'll get there quicker."

"Where, your quarters?"

"Y-yeah..."

"Perfect," I closed my eyes and smiled.

Reiner chuckled. "Proud of you, Bertl. Both of you. Less stressful being so subtle and cautious all the time."

I snorted. "Because it's such a biiig secret who fancies whom around here, no?"

Reiner shrugged with a smile. "Well, we do have the privilege of some unofficial, additional freedoms the newer recruits lack. Not encouraged, but not completely frowned upon, either. We're not kids anymore."

I snorted louder. "Again—"

Reiner laughed while standing up, knowing full well all who I was referring to. "I hear ya," he chuckled. "See you two later, as always." He made his way out pretty smoothly, aside from a slight wobble or two that you'd have to be looking for to notice. The man was all bulk. Unsurprising, he could handle a lot of beer except for his bladder, understandably. Bertolt soon followed him out, able to carry me in his arms with ease.

* * *

When we got back to Bertolt's quarters, I made a beeline for his restroom as he closed and locked the door behind him and lit his lantern. I was impressed how clean his restroom was. 

Bertolt gave me a quick, loose, one-armed hug as I passed by him on my way out so he could occupy his restroom now. I noticed he even made his own bed since I left earlier today. Damn, most of time, I don't even bother. I took off my jacket and propped it up nicely on the back of the single chair that came standard in all living quarters, making sure I wouldn't leave any indentations. I sat down and took off my shoes and nudged them under his bed. I sat on the edge for a moment and lazily looked around his room, though there wasn't much to be seen, as per the standard. I wasn't quite tired or tipsy anymore; just lazy and content. The recuperation state was hard to describe.

I stood up and carefully took off my skirt, laid them on the same chair, then proceeded to carefully undress my blouse. When I was folding it in my hands, I heard a gasp behind me. Bertolt was shamelessly gawking at the garter belts holding up my stockings. Oh yeah, there was no way most would have noticed them. But I knew eventually he would. He still flustered me, though. Didn't help that he was shirtless, only wearing slacks. I tried to take in the view myself with my eyes widened from nervous embarrassment.

I stood frozen, not sure why I wasn't ready for his reaction. I finally piped up, "I... was hoping you'd like these. I think I look damn good in 'em, so..."

When I noticed Bertolt's eyes meeting mine with a warm smile and a slight smirk, I tossed my loosely folded blouse on top of the skirt and sat back down on his bed. He made his way to sit next to me and cupped my cheek, which was still dusted pink, and began to kiss repeatedly as his other hand traveled down my arm, side, stopping at a thigh to rub it up and down tenderly.

"I agree..." he breathed in between kisses that I moaned into. He broke off to nuzzle into the side of my head as I loosely held onto his. He looked down hungrily onto my legs as his hand traveled down their length, savoring the sight as his palm and fingertips took in the unique texture of the stockings. I moaned and squirmed a little as it provided a different, heightened sensation as opposed to being bare.

* * *

* * *

I took initiative and laid down to get comfortable, which prompted Bertolt to crawl and sit beside as he looked upon me with awe as if I was naked. He leaned down to kiss me, long hands traveling up and down the sensitive undersides of my arms, past my armpits, onto my sides, then back up to my still covered breasts. He massaged them firmly, but when his thumbs grazed my nipples through the thin fabric of the bra, I hitched a sharp moan into his mouth which he swallowed with pride. He broke away to focus on my jawline and allow me to catch my breath. My whole body twitched when his thumb's fingernails gently scratched at my nipples through the fabric.

"OH, f-fuuuuck...!" I moaned. It was almost too much, but Bertolt found it amusing based on his breathy laugh.

I whined in protest as he sat up and stopped teasing my chest, looking at him wantingly. He paid no mind, focusing on caressing my torso and stomach through the garter, worshiping in his inspection. He shifted down, dancing his fingertips in between the areas of skin on either side of the belts, as if in a daze. He finally sat himself a bit further down and took the leg closest to him and lifted it up to caress and massage all over, starting at the base where bare skin was exposed. He took his time traveling down it, long hands easily covering where they roamed. He would often lightly scratch through the stockings, drawing out moans not unlike ones I gave him earlier.

When he got to my feet, I gasped loudly and froze. His eyes darted to meet mine. "My feet are very sensitive, please, if anything, just massage them." He smirked. "Please, I'm serious." He saw a hint of legitimate fear in my eyes.

"Okay," Bertolt said, but not before striking a single tip of a fingernail down the entire length of the underside of one foot. I yelped and dug my fingers deep into his bedsheets. "Maybe some other time," he teased.

"You ass..." I groaned and he began to massage my feet, alternating. I was a moaning, squirming mess; Bertolt's dexterous hands coupled with the stockings heightening my naturally sensitive feet was too much. He focused here for a while, my sounds music to his ears.

"_____," he looked on me through my half-lidded eyes and pants. "Do you think you'd be able to... I mean, would it be a good night to...?"

_Such class._

"Fuck?' I breathed.

He sighed, relieved that he wasn't coming off as perverted or rude. "Yeah..."

I sighed but out of disappointment. "No, uh-unfortunately. T-too soon after the... party," I moaned.

He nodded. "I agree." He looked away, pensive. "...I have an idea. Come here."

He lowered my legs down, extended a hand and lifted me to sit up. He turned me, sat me between his thighs on the bed and scooted us up against the stone wall on the other side of his bed for support. I looked on him curiously as he positioned me, gently pressing fingertips on the sides of my knees to wordlessly tell me to spread my still clothed legs apart. He wrapped his arms around me to undo my bra, which I finished taking off for him and tossed far aside.

Bertolt cradled my back with one arm, his free hand gently caressing my cheek as he looked deep into my eyes. I was still looking at him slightly wide-eyed wondering what he had in mind. He lowered for a gentle kiss as his free hand gently scratched down the inner thigh pressed against his side, forcing me to jolt and moan. He clicked open the belts but left the garter and stockings on. His hand slowly traveled up, reaching bare skin, slowing more until he reached my wet folds. As his fingertips dipped in only far enough to coat them with my arousal, I moaned into his mouth with need. He soaked the tips of his three middle digits then began to gently run them up and down the exposed tip of my hardening clitoris. My features tightened and I moaned louder into him, his lips pressing further to quiet me and swallow my voice.

He continued to edge me in this manner, gradually picking up pace and feeling me get wetter and wetter as he went back to re-wet his fingertips. When my moans became more rhythmic, he broke off the kiss to lower me down gently on his bent knee, my quivering torso nestled in his legs. I kept one knee in the crook of the elbow of the arm at work and held the back of my other further up with my hand.  This new position allowed him to work easier with a more exposed clit. When he lined his knuckles, wet them, and quickly ran them over me, I gasped loudly at the additional speed and coverage and snapped my head towards him.

"Ah, ha, Bertolt, wait..." I panted, and he instantly met my gaze before I looked down at his tented crotch. "Take off your pants, quickly..."

He couldn't do so without completely ruining the position we were in, so he settled for pulling out his cock as much as he could. Although the slacks were tight around his waist, stretched to its limit, his balls were able to comfortably sit out and his semi-hard cock stood well.

"That's fine..." I panted right before grabbing his shaft. Despite the fact he was expecting as much, he hitched and moaned into a shudder. He had some difficulty getting back into a rhythm edging me as I began to pump him. His pitch increased whenever I ran my palm over his sensitive head to grab his pre-cum to reduce friction on the shaft. Once I was satisfied with how well coated he was, I pumped him harder, increasing pace, and twisting my wrist in nonuniform patterns. He moaned out breathy pants, bouncing in his seat as his head pressed firm against the stone wall behind him. Bertolt did his best to meet my pace with his. He slowly forced himself to look down on me, and I locked eyes on his when I noticed.

The sight was incredible.  My flushed face, mouth agape, hand pumping his slick manhood. It was almost too much when he glanced down to see his knuckles rapidly teasing my soaked folds and beet red clitoris. I knew he was close when his moans increased in pitch, volume, and frequency and he dug his free hand hard into my hair and scalp. My relatively unoccupied hand let go of my knee to sneak its way towards Bertolt to finish him off.

He nearly choked when he finally noticed a palm over his crimson head but it was too late; I polished his head while pumping his shaft with the other. He froze for a second then shuddered hard, yelling my name through clenched teeth, "Oh gods, _-_____...!" His load shot out and most landed on his bare chest, some reaching as high as the front of his shoulder. He gripped the back of my head tight and hunched over slightly through his orgasm, but he made an effort to maximize the edging on me.

"Hnnnnng, Bertolt...!" I groaned. He loosened his grip on my head once I was finished working him and took his hand downwards to finish me off. He was panting hard, exhausted, but not enough to pull back the clitoral hood, not unlike before, dip the other hand's knuckles into my arousal once more, and quickly rubbed them against my fully exposed and swollen clitoris. I bit into a fist as I released a long moan that increased in pitch exponentially as I was nearing my climax. It didn't take long for me tense up and release my long awaited orgasm, practically crying with relief as he took his sweet time to slow to a stop, savoring the look and feel of my convulsing body in his lap.

I curled up in a fetal position hugging his waist, ignoring the flaccid member in front of me. Bertolt scooped me up just enough to settle me on his bed and cover me halfway with the sheets. I moaned in satisfaction as he pecked my temple and left to clean himself up and get fully undressed. I took off all of my undergarments as quickly as I could and let them fall onto the floor before curling back up. He returned with a wet washcloth and handed it to me to thoroughly wipe myself clean. I folded it so he wouldn't have to touch any 'dirty' parts. He quickly returned it to his restroom, came back and crawled into bed with me. He chuckled seeing as I never unfolded from the fetal position.

"Tired?" he asked with a hint of pride after pressing me against his chest.

I droned a moan out of my throat long enough that he'd take the hint.

He breathed a soft giggle into my forehead before peppering it with feather-light pecks.

"That was... almost too much. Almost," I curled a smile.

Bertolt simply hummed in response.

"It's nice to see you take initiative like that. You are _such_ a big, fucking tease..." I groaned into his chest.

"I suppose..." he cooed, a hand traveling down to grasp onto a butt cheek of mine. "Maybe I'm just learning from the best."

I chuckled. "Come _on_..." I turned since my bent arms against him were getting uncomfortable, and I resumed our trademark spooning position. Bertolt helped me ease out of my fetal position and pressed my backside fully against him.

"Good night, _____..." he nuzzled into me.

"Good night, Bertl..." I managed to reply right before passing out into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for the Kudos! I'm as amazed as I am thankful with every one I get! Feel free to interact with me in the comments or on Tumblr, I'd love to connect with more Bert and Reiner fans! I swear, if I didn't have my sister to ~~vent~~ fangirl with, I'd go nuts, haha.
> 
> I cannot wait to upload the next chapter for you guys. See you then!


	13. Wulfe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is time to reveal your titan to the Scouts, and it does not go according to plan. Of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Bertcember 10th is my Bertday, so birthday posting. And my goodness, is my timing for early release chapters incredible because there's a scene here that I'm extremely proud of that I'll expand upon a little bit in the End Notes. I actually reread it a lot myself, I enjoy it that much.
> 
> Warnings: Swears, titan transformation, and canon-typical titan violence told in detail, if you’re the slightest bit squeamish.

The following days went on as usual, but something felt different in the air as we were preparing for my titan's reveal. I began to meet with the veterans in the mornings to discuss arrangements.

Erwin and Levi had doubts about my warning initially but with Hange's help and the report from my research expedition, they decided it would be best to be appropriately prepared.

"As such, I believe it would be best to bring Jaeger," Levi said. He could see my eyes narrow ever so slightly. "Despite his history, he's still a valuable asset and has matured over the years. He will most likely minimize casualties if he came to your aid as the Attacker." Hange sighed with relief, Erwin continued to stare me down indifferently.

"However, we are not here to babysit a bunch of adults. If you or he truly have any conflict when the time comes, the final decision rests on you two. All I'm requiring is he accompany us. I'm not forcing him to stay behind. What happens next depends on a variety of factors."

I stared him down for a moment and gave a single, hard nod. _Sounds reasonable. In theory._

"Thank you for your understanding. Dismissed," Erwin concluded the final meeting with.

I stood, gave them a salute, and turned to leave. They remained in the office a bit longer before Hange was to leave to continue her work. The rest of the day would focus on final preparations since the big day was tomorrow. I could only hope perhaps too much time had passed and nothing would happen.

When I closed the office door behind me, Bertolt pressed himself off a nearby wall to walk me out, as per usual. Given our personalities, it was fairly easy to remain professional in front of others, especially when Erwin and Levi kept eyes on us when we were seen together. Hange had assured me the other day that they were satisfied with our behavior but burst into giggles when I told her I was just as impressed for them two.

Of course, with our closer comrades, Bertolt and I felt comfortable easing up a bit, though not too much. Besides, it often still wound up being me being too forward, blunt, and teasing, but since the party, his flustered states didn't last nearly as long. Unless of course, someone nearby teased him about it, then he went right back to twitching and stuttering like he was a teenager again. A part of me wished I could never completely ease the butterflies I'd rattle in him.

But the weight of the past few days grew heavily, so I reveled in the light-hearted times. Every moment of distraction was welcomed.

* * *

"...I don't want to do this anymore," I groaned as Bertolt stroked the hair on the side of my head repeatedly. We hadn't even gotten really physically intimate since Connie's party, excluding emotionally passionate moments during cuddle sessions, which lasted a very long time, thankfully, nonetheless. Nothing more than intense kissing and cuddling. But neither of us felt like initiating anything where the end goal was an orgasm. Although to be frank, it would probably help out with the stress a lot right now. But it only felt right to give and receive support lately.

"I know," Bertolt sighed. Even though my eyes remained closed, his gaze on them remained steadfast. "But you got to. Better tomorrow prepared than another time unprepared. You've been doing great," he said before grazing his long nose against mine and planting the lightest peck on the tip. I sighed and uncurled a hand that was grasping the other to caress his cheek. I felt every stubble that had grown the past few days. He had unintentionally been neglecting shaving.

"And I'll be there. And Reiner. We all will."

I shook my head slowly into his pillow. "That's the problem; don't make me repeat myself."

"...I wish I could convince you it's not,” he admitted. "But you know of all people, I understand."

It was so damn difficult, moments like these. There were some perks of being enemies of the Eldians together, such as unsurpassed empathy and understanding, but when both parties are full of regret and forced onto their paths, all logical attempts at comfort ended in quick stalemates. As much as I wanted to vent and he to comfort, it almost felt worse than not saying anything at all.

"How about this..." he began as he turned onto his back and pulled me into his side. I instinctively laid my hand over his heart and hooked my knee onto his hip. I kept a curious pair of eyes on him as he spoke towards the ceiling and reached a long arm towards it.

"As soon as we're well enough after tomorrow, maybe even the same day, we can take a horse and go to the edge of the lake. Reiner can celebrate with us for a bit if he wants, but he won't stay overnight. The three of us will have fun until dusk. And it'll just be the two of us that night. After identifying every constellation, we'll make it a mission to count every star in the sky."

He paused keeping his hand reaching for the ceiling as if it wasn't there at all. His smile was so wide and genuine, I could see it in his eyes. He looked as if the stars were within reach. He turned to meet my gaze. "How does that sound?" He had this childlike excitement about him that I do not believe I had ever seen.

I looked down and pressed my head harder against his shoulder and clenched the hand on his heart.

"'We...'" I murmured but in a tone that indicated emphasis of his word choice rather than beginning a sentence of my own. I had never heard him say "we" so damn much in such a short time. It sounded just as beautiful as it was horrifying.

He suddenly caught himself and stuttered an apology. "I-if you want, that is. I-I'm s-sorry, it just... s-sounded like a good idea. I thought you would like it. B-b-but only if you want, it was just an idea..."

It killed me that he poured his lil' heart out, and I was an ass enough to make him regret it. Fuck. But should anything happen tomorrow...

"No..." I sighed, feeling my throat getting tighter. "Sounds perfect."

As both of his arms tightened me against his side in a hug, I shifted up to press my face into the crook of his neck. "I just hope it can happen."

"I'll make it happen," he quickly retorted, determination oozing from his now husky voice. "Trust me."

I tensed, then groaned when I couldn't honestly confirm nor deny I did. Felt god awful, too. Twice in too short of a time did I feel like I was intentionally pushing him away. But it was a terrible time to hint at any affirmation.

"I'm sorry." I at least owed him that. "I'm more on guard than ever before. In every way. Believe me when I say it's not just for my sake, but yours, too. I don't want you to say or do anything you could regret."

Bertolt sighed heavily and gave my torso a full squeeze. It was a small gesture, but its reassurance meant everything.

"Again, I understand."

I puffed out my own sigh and sat up to turn his head towards me.

"When we do go to the lake, I'll make sure it's the best damn night we'll have together," I said staring into those beautiful, green eyes of his.

The warmth in his eyes returned in full force, and he flashed me a smile just as powerful before bringing me in for a heated kiss. I hummed into him as he coerced my mouth open for our tongues to intertwine. When we finally broke off, I uttered a soft groan.

"I'm still anxious and tense as all hell," I sat up. "Would you mind if we took turns massaging each other?"

Bertolt sat up chuckling lightly. "Not at all," he answered, positioning me to sit right in front of him.

* * *

The next morning in my quarters, I woke up earlier than expected but anxiety prevented me from going back to sleep. Bertolt did, too, soon after, probably sensing me getting ready. I asked him if we could summon Reiner for a bit before heading down to prepare for the reveal.

For some reason, I felt apprehensive when Bertolt brought him in. When I couldn't utter anything more than a 'hey,' Bertolt explained I wanted to see him and how anxious and worried I was.

Reiner was unusually quiet. He plopped a thick hand on my shoulder, seeing my lowered head. I flinched but reached out an arm wordlessly asking him to pull me in. He answered with a tight, full body hug that only Reiner could provide. I sighed heavily with relief into my honorable big brother. A felt tenderness in him, too. He definitely was not use to seeing my softer, more vulnerable side, unlike Bertolt. Reiner held me in longer than expected, which I thoroughly appreciated.

He gently pulled me away and was delighted to see a fiery determination in my eyes. I was done worrying, finally, and just wanted to get this over with.

"That's more like it. Ready to kick some ass?" he smiled, gripping my shoulders tight.

"Damn right," I smirked before turning him to knee his ass really quick.

"Ha! As expected. C'mon, you got this."

Bertolt's initial concerns began to resurface at the last minute, however.

"Should anything happen, though..." he began.

I sighed heavily in frustration thinking that this conversation was over yesterday.

"You can stop with the cliché chivalry now. I'm no fucking damsel in distress," I glared with furrowed brows.

Bertolt tensed a little. "I kn-know, Ann--nngh!" His eyes shot open, jaws clenched shut, knowing full well the potentially fatal mistake he made.

I shot him a look that could kill. "I fucking knew it," my voice low and very strained. I turned on my foot and swung my body to fully face him. I noticed the door to my room was still open since we were supposed to be heading out right now. No use raising my voice and making a scene that would get unwanted attention. This just got very personal.

Bertolt was panting hard through his teeth, ready to bolt. He was looking frantically between Reiner, who was giving him a stern, somewhat surprised look with a cocked eyebrow, and the doorway.

"Get the fuck out of my room," I commanded in the same low, dark tone as before.

Bertolt flat-out began to hyperventilate through a hung mouth as he quickly walked out. Reiner immediately followed him but did not leave; he instead closed the door in front of him, pressed himself against it, and faced me with crossed arms, a foot pressed against the door, and a stern look. We stared each other down in silence. It was so quiet, I didn't hear Bertolt leave completely. Instead, I heard a couple of hard thuds. I determined he sat down hard nearby and against a wall.

"...Well?" I growled.

"I'm not leaving until we straighten this out right now. I care about you two too damn much for a stupid misunderstanding to occur right before a potentially dangerous titan reveal."

"Ha, 'we,'" I snorted. "Yes, you, Bertolt, and I, the new Annie." I gave Reiner a demented smirk.

Reiner cocked his head and sighed, brows still furrowed with one raised.

"I fucking get it. I'm a female shifter from the same hometown who just happens to fit right in with you two. I'm merely filling in a niche. I'm not me. I'm Annie. Especially considering I'm actually laying with him, as he's always wanted to do with her since childhood." I said glancing at the door. I didn't have it in me to even say his name this time. I heard muffled sobs and something inaudible. An odd moan, perhaps. "Honestly, I'm surprised he hasn't said her name in bed yet."

"...You know good n' damn well that isn't true, _____,” Reiner put heavy emphasis on my name. Claiming to replace someone came all too personal to him. "Do you even know why he let that slip just now?"

I sighed and stormed off to sit on the edge of my bed, hugging my thighs. Already hearing her name on his tongue again in my head made my stomach twist.

Reiner laughed. "Ha, you even sit like him!"

"No shit, it's a very defensive position. After all he's been through, all he's seen, and all he's currently dealing with, I am not surprised."

"And what do you have to be defensive about."

I looked away, feeling my throat tighten up. "As I said, that I'm a mere replacement. It was a fear of mine from the beginning. Hell, he vented to me about her right before we first kissed," my voice strained hard as I finished. "Which I had to initiate, of course."

Reiner sighed heavily as his whole body relaxed in defeat. He had to admit, that did sound pretty bad. He felt a soft thud against his backside as Bertolt sat closer just on the other side of the wall of my doorway. We were both sure he's been listening.

"I want to be confident and supportive of him, but I can't help but fear that he still has... Especially since we're trying to go home, and she'd have to be brought home eventually, too..."

"...P--please..." we both heard Bertolt whimper from the other side of the door.

Reiner sighed in frustration, "Can he at least come in to listen properly? This is ridiculous. You'll know why soon."

"Fine," I groaned.

Reiner let Bertolt in, who kept himself hunched over as his sat in same position right next to the doorway as Reiner closed it. "And nothing wrong with a woman initiating," Reiner said as he closed the door. "It's very hot. And we all know you did the shy bastard a favor with that." Reiner walked over and sat next to me on my bed. I looked up at him and paused. I strained a moan fighting back tears as I sat myself on his lap and he cradled me in his arms. We rarely got this physically intimate especially since I began involvement with Bertolt, but Reiner's bulk and burly arms felt incredibly safe yet surprisingly tender at the same time. And given the issue at hand, I needed the physical comfort of a man I cared about at the moment more than anything. I scoffed at how sexist it sounded, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit how good it felt to be in Reiner's arms.

"I'm going straight to the point," Reiner spoke low and confidently. "Yes, you remind us of her in some ways, like when you're pissed and hot-headed, like just now. Your height isn't too far off, your combat skills. She was still a Warrior, finished fourth in our class. But that's about where similarities end. And many of those can also be attributed to the other women we know here."

Reiner looked at Bertolt, who looked upon him with a slightly worried expression. Surely Reiner was about to speak of a turning point in their childhood, one that made Bertolt cry.

Reiner sighed, preparing to broach the next topic, "For one, you and I actually get along."

I looked up at Reiner inquisitively.

"She and I had a very strained comraderance. Before we even reached the walls, she beat the shit out of me saying she wanted to save her own skin after I insisted we carry out the mission after losing the Jaw to reach this hellhole. I've tried to reason with her, mend our relationship, but she always seemed frustrated with me in particular."

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled, head pressed against his chest. That certainly explained a bit more why I've heard she kept to herself more in their training years despite all three coming in together from the same town.

"She was just trying to do the best she could for the mission. I understood. Despite her efforts though, she jumped the gun and failed. I do believe she warmed up to the cadets here a bit during her time here. But when it comes to _really_ warming up to others..." he smirked down at me, then at Bertolt.

"Listen, I'll fill you in on a lil' secret," Reiner said mischievously as he inched his head closer to the side of mine. "Bertolt was _so excited_ when he started talking to you."

I continued to stare ahead, but my eyes widened.

"He spoke like a giddy teenager. 'She's talking to me, she listens to me, it feels _so_ good to hold her, Reiner, you have no idea, she even said I was "hot"!?'"

I laughed softly with a loud sniff at that as Reiner gave my upper arm and thigh hard, reassuring rubs. My god, just remembering the times Bertolt and I were getting to know each other brewed a swarm of butterflies in me. Such an exciting time in a relationship, one which actually came into fruition, for once. After a few moments of silence, Bertolt had the confidence to speak.

"_-_____..." he said softly.

My eyes strained fighting tears all over again. My heart had never felt so heavy with him before.

I looked at him from my profile. His face was pained and moist with sweat and tears.

"Y-yes, I liked her, but... Never more than that. I never got to truly know her... I wanted to, I couldn't, and she wouldn't... It hurt just staring from afar and not able to do anything about it... How can one nurture something that is barely there?! But you..." he began to pant and his eyes strained a little. "Are so _different_... And after all we've been through..." I strained a whine, guilt overcoming me. Surely he meant all the times we've been emotionally and physically intimate. "How could you... ever doubt..."

"I'm sorry..." I whined, my voice already several pitches higher than usual.

"No, n-no, I'm sorry I slipped, I knew that was bad. I just don't want you do ever doubt me. Doubt _us_. Please..."

I stayed silent and listened, my lower lip quivering. My silence told him I still needed reassurance.

"After being with you... You've exceeded my expectations on what it means to be with someone. It's ineffable when it's mutual. So it's always been you! Just you! When I'm with you, your name is all the runs in my mind and off my tongue. So of _course_ I haven't said her name in bed or any other time...! I cannot possibility imagine Annie being with me the way you are with me. That just isn't her. I _knew_ her, _we_ knew her. When I think of her now, I feel...," Bertolt looked down and to the side, deep in thought getting her in his mind. "...nothing. I immediately think of you and long for your touch." He looked back up at me with pleading eyes. "So much."

I sat limp in Reiner's lap and arms, taking in all he said.

"I don't blame you for thinking that way at all," Bertolt continued. "Hell, if I knew you were upset when I spoke of her even back then..."

"No, it's okay..." I spoke low from emotional exhaustion. "Like I said earlier, I want to support you, that includes your past. You needn't hide that from me. I would be hurt if you did. I don't want to ever doubt you or be that irrationally jealous, trust me. It's unbecoming. I got short with you because I don't want you two to risk blowing your cover for me today. I didn't want to have that conversation again, as understandable as it is. I just want us to go home..."

Bertolt sighed, relieved that was he able to make his case. He still looked upon me worriedly since I remained seated on Reiner, who began to chuckle.

"Got it, we'll do our best not to push your buttons anymore, right Bertl?" he proclaimed while poking his fingertips into my ribs. I jolted harder and harder in place with each poke and fought a shit-eating grin while digging my fingers into his chest.

"F-f-f-f-fuuuuh-huh-huh-uck, cheater, cheatER!" I laughed as Reiner dug his fingers into my ribs and sides with one hand, his other alternating squeezing just above my knees. His burly arms had me easily trapped. Reiner stopped after a few moments and nudged my cheek with his head, forcing me to turn and look directly at Bertolt for the first time.

"One last thing: I and others have seen him stare at Annie many times before. But I've _never_ seen him _smile_ at anyone the way he smiles at you."

I whined softly seeing Bertolt's gentle, warm smile on his features. He sighed heavily, keeping wistful eyes on me. He looked at me as if seeing me for the first time in his life.

"Few things are more enduring than a girl's smile and laugh," Reiner explained. "And by gods, do you have a gorgeous smile and cute, contagious laugh. Why do you think guys love to tickle girls so much? Now get over there."

Reiner carefully pressed me off and smacked my rear, but the physical prompt was unnecessary. "And the single most significant difference between you and Annie:" Reiner said as I edged closer towards Bertolt, "you initiated with him whereas she never did." I looked down at Bertolt lovingly. He looked up at me longingly, shifting his feet forward a bit, hands pressed on the floor. He was tense, ready to stand and embrace me at any second but was hesitant. I smiled and swung a leg over to straddle his hips and gently lowered myself and sat down on and in front of him, leaning back against his thighs. I smiled ear to ear and took a hold of his wrists, lifted them up, and began to pull them behind me, indicating permission to hold me. Bertolt sighed heavily with relief through an open-mouthed smile and embraced me as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

Reiner laughed, "You're only about as big as his thighs!"

"You forget my legs," I chuckled. "Give my height a little more credit than that." Then again, my torso did line Bertolt's thighs almost perfectly.

"Damn, that was settled in record time," Reiner sounded genuinely impressed as he got up and headed towards the door.

I shrugged, still wrapped in Bertolt's embrace. "What can I say. I was ignorant and you two did a pretty damn good job educating and convincing me. I appreciate the affirmation."

"I'm not use to that, to be honest," Reiner quipped at he nudged Bertolt's rear with the tip of his boot.

"C'mon, time for _____'s time to shine," he smirked.

I sat up off of Bertolt and guided him up with me. We left side by side, Reiner joining me at my other side as soon as he was able to.

* * *

Final preparations and departure were uneventful. I couldn't help but remain quiet and focused. Hange was excited but still cautious and supportive when needed.

The formation was led by the veteran trio and I: Hange and myself in the middle, with Erwin and Levi on either side. There were whispers as to why I was among them, but we kept silent. Our destination was an open field with a small but thick forest nearby.

My apprehension grew exponentially until we were about 15 meters from our target location when I nudged the reins back on my horse to halt him. The black stallion instantly obeyed. I sat frozen, my eyes threatening to burst out of their sockets as my senses heightened. Time itself felt it slowed. As others passed by me, they slowed to stare, and the veterans all turned toward me, as well. They were not too thrilled with my mannerisms. Hange showed the most unease, while the two men simply gawked with widened eyes.

Time felt it returned to normal as I shifted and cracked the reins to send my horse bolting ahead of everyone, passing the veterans.

I forced the stallion to about face quickly, braying in protest but nonetheless obeyed.

"Fall back!" I yelled. Erwin and Levi gave me stern, disapproving looks. Hange broke slightly, her face contorting in the mildest of panics.

I growled and turned my stallion to face the forest before hopping off, throwing my 3DMG gear on his back, and smacked his flank so he'd run into the forest.

"_____!" Erwin yelled, thoroughly pissed.

"Fall BACK!" I yelled, unsheathing the blade tucked into the small of my back and holding it against my clenched fist.

Several jaws of the 104th dropped in disbelief, knowing full well what my intentions could very well be.

"Fall _BAAAAAAAACK_!" I yelled until my throat scratched in pain.

In one fell swoop, I slit my fist and fell to my hands and knees. I looked upon the Corp past furrowed brows and unclenched my jaws to utter a silent yell as yellow lightning struck down and surrounded me. Gasps resonated among them as more and more spotted a 15-meter class abnormal making his way out of the edge of the forest, making a beeline for me. A few 7-meter class titans followed at his heels.

I threw my head up as thicker lightning engulfed me and my transformation began.

All limbs extended in length as thick muscle enveloped them, my backside did similarly but more formed on my shoulders. I kept on all fours but shifted to find proper footing as my limbs adjusted to quadrupedal physiology.

While doing so, a grotesque canine muzzle extended and formed. The top jaw lacked "lips" and rows of teeth lined the sides like a saw. Their length was proportional to what you'd expect from normal canine. They were strong and beautiful; I was quite fond of my teeth and fangs. The lower jaw housed longer teeth that nestled inside the gums of the upper jaw when closed to keep them thoroughly protected. Finally, as my tail with a permanent kink halfway down extended out dense white and gray fur covered me with longer, thicker strands lining my spine like on an aardwolf, long enough to fall over and hang off a side. In full, I was about 7 meters at the shoulders, 10 meters long.

I growled, shaking my shoulders and hips in place to adjust into my completed form before eyeing the ineffable faces of the 104th. I didn't have the luxury of scanning individuals reactions. My face contorted into a snarl before roaring at them head on in a sad attempt to force retreat, some thick drops of saliva flying out and onto the ground. Most shifted on their horses but were hesitant to leave, awaiting proper orders.

Erwin raised a sword to prepare to lead a charge. Halfway through his horse rearing up, I lowered my muzzle towards the ground and bellowed a long, droning howl into the earth so deep it shook within radius. All horses in the squad turned in unison, facing the forest, and began to gallop there. Almost all were shocked, except Hange, who was worriedly disappointed. Odds of casualties would increase exponentially without the horses, so I opted to force them in the forest even though I wished I could send them all back. But I knew most or all would just jump off and abandon them if I sent them back to base.

"Shit," Erwin cursed but didn't fight the mare beneath him. I eyed him, Levi, and Hange one last time before turning to take on the titans myself. I uttered a deep, throaty bark in warning before taking off.

Regaining composure instantly, Erwin yelled, "This is why we summoned you today!" He waved an arm towards me. An ear of mine twitched and turned towards him as I ran directly towards the abnormal. It wasn't far and given my form, speed and agility were among my greatest advantages.

"We have a new ally, an invaluable asset in both battle and research! Should she need our aid, _devote your hearts_!" He raised his sword high and leapt off to connect with the trees of the outer edge of the forest as several 7-meter and 5-meter classes edged to meet the Scouts.

About half the squad followed Erwin's lead, the other half followed Levi and Hange as they made their way to the thick branches to set up an advantageous formation.

It didn't take me long to reach the abnormal, who expertly swung a long arm down in an attempt to grab me. I twisted my front wrists in time to easily turn out of his reach. I circled around and lowered my head so the teeth lining my upper jaw could slash his heels. He stumbled forward onto his knees and attempted to swing at me again, but I was able to keep an eye on it and leapt over it with ease.

Erwin's squad had little trouble using the trees as leverage to take out the smaller ones. Levi and Hange's were more cautious and had better luck taking out the ones easing their way into the forest.

A few 7-meters came towards me noticing the injured abnormal. I distanced myself from the abnormal to focus on his aids, which was simple one-on-one, but became increasingly difficult when more and more trickled in. I was able to swipe at some to expose their nape, tackled a couple from the back, and ran past one from behind at full speed to graze a deep slash into the nape of another.

After that, a titan I hadn't noticed t-boned me hard enough to knock me over on my side. I slid severe meters before coming to a stop. Another ran up and bit down hard on my flank, causing me to roar briefly. As the instigator wobbled up to grab onto my exposed shoulder to clamp down onto the side of my neck, a hook pierced its temple, momentarily startling it. The cord whizzed and screeched as Ymir flew in and sliced its nape clean. I sat up halfway and kicked the one on my haunches off.

"Get up, finish off that abnormal!" In an instant, Ymir shot off and back on the edge of the forest to safety. Of all people, I wasn't expecting her help first. But I had no time to question it as the abnormal wasn't too far from me.

I got up, relatively composed, and roared at him before going full speed. He reached down to grab me again, but I leapt and ran up the arm's length. Although my claws could not retract, I shifted my feet to give me as much friction as possible. I was almost at his shoulders when the other arm grabbed a rear leg. When I failed to kick it off, my jaws clamped down onto a shoulder to hold on for dear life. Disappointment turned to fear as I felt the other hand grab the other back leg, ripping me off of him. He swung me around completely once before throwing me against the forest's edge. My backside slammed into the base of a thick tree with enough force to break it. I fell to the ground on my side and coughed hard as all air was forced out of my lungs. My eyes widened at the pain and sudden realization of the situation. I was in shock, pawing the ground on my side in a vain attempt to get up. My jaw hung open as I began to pant in panic. _Not good, not good,_ ** _not good_** __... _!_

"Levi! Hange!" Erwin called as he began an advancement on the approaching abnormal.

"Focus on the smaller classes!" Hange yelled to any Scouts nearby as the veterans landed on the ground to begin their attack.

A grunt turned into a hoarse whine when I saw the trio begin their advance. I couldn't protest much longer when a small blonde landed in front of me, blocking my view.

"_____, get up!" Armin yelled, his ocean blue eyes wide.

I groaned and tried to speak, which was difficult enough even when I was fine.

“G... g e a r s..." my even deeper voice droned. Armin eyed me for a moment before the lightbulb in his mind lit up.

"Right...!" He looked up into the branches of the forest's edge to see who was near. "Mikasa! Get down here!"

Good, humanity's second best just in case they get ambushed in these next few seconds.

"Aim for her flank, I got her shoulder." Armin eyed me one last time with a slight nod. I gave him a small, quiet bark of approval. He and Mikasa shot their cords into me and retracted them to help pull me up. They merely felt like the pricks of a needle. I groaned feeling the damage done on my spine, hoping my regaining strength would heal it adequately enough soon. I barked at them to signal their retreat back into the forest. Thankfully, they did with no trouble.

I snarled and shook all along my spine until it bent and snapped back into good form and immediately made my way towards the abnormal.

The trio was fine, thankfully, but they were not making much progress taking the abnormal down. He was too quick in his attempts to grab them but the three of them constantly swinging around him made it impossible to.

I ran as fast as I could and opted to simply run head first into both of his legs, toppling him over. The trio noticed and swung upward then latched their gear onto his now exposed backside and managed to finally take the beast out. Wasting no time to celebrate, I sped past his steaming corpse to finish of the remaining smaller classes.

After taking out a few along the way, every time via slashing with my saw-teeth, I was nearing the forest's edge when I felt a sudden blow to my exposed lower jaw. I usually kept it closed but had to open it to pant and get more oxygen flow. This brief moment proved to be my greatest detriment. My head swung out with the blow, and I saw in my peripheral vision my lower jaw swing over and up to the side. It was quite literally hanging on by a thread; only attached by a thin slab of muscle near the jaw's edge.

I heard a few cries of my name as I stood frozen in complete shock.

 _Move_... _move, move, you goddamn fool_... _!_

I groaned as thick blood oozed out and shifted in a pathetic attempt to walk forward. Only a front paw was able to take a step forward before another hard kick knocked me up into the air before I crashed hard into the ground. I felt the foot of a different 15-meter abnormal crush my shoulder and grab my lower left leg before yanking it clean off. I couldn't utter a single sound. I felt a couple, maybe three smaller classes begin biting into various parts of my 10-meter length.

"Top priority! The abnormal!" Levi cried.

I whined internally to myself hearing variations of "bastard!", "fuck you!", "shit!" as my fading vision and hearing detected silhouettes, cords zipping around in front of me. I began to have a panic attack knowing now would be the best time for causalities, but it only aided in my downfall.

I could only eye the abnormal in front of me as it was the best my failing vision to pick up. I suddenly heard the crack of thunder and saw yellow lightning reflect off the skin of the titan before me. My heart pounded and nearly leapt out of my chest when small, large-headed titan with long, scraggly dark brown hair landed in front of me. It screeched a higher-pitched, more feminine scream. She leapt towards it in full force.

 _No_...

It was the last my senses could take. I blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized after awhile I wrote practically zero conflict between Reader and Bertolt, even in future chapters, so I added that argument in well after I originally wrote it. I knew what I wanted to get out of it but _really_ struggled writing it, it was truly slow and difficult. Then re-read it the next day and LOVED it, and haven't tweaked it much since. I'm very satisfied and extremely proud of it, I think the reasoning and logic behind Bertolt's (and Reiner's) words are pretty sound, so I hope y'all enjoyed it. Sure, it bloated this chapter, but I kept that and the reveal in one to create contrast. I also enjoyed Reiner's involvement; it came very naturally to me, so I like to think he was very in-character, too.
> 
> Hope you didn't mind, maybe even enjoyed, my titan. I’ve always been excited over the prospect of other animal-like titans like the Ape. I also adore Pieck’s Cartman (and Pieck herself, best girl), so why not base one loosely off my favorite animal, which is quadrupedal. There were once wolves all over Europe and Germany, so it's plausible, too.
> 
> That "odd moan" you heard was Bertolt droning out a long, sad "no," by the way,


	14. Recuperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After waking up from the battle at the reveal, you promise Historia you'd make a case for Ymir. Afterwards, you and Bertolt decide to spend the rest of the evening to yourselves in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some relationship developement, a little plot development, and fluff with Bertl in the end. Only warning is swears and very little of it.

I woke up to find myself lying flat on my back. I hate this position; I can't rest unless I'm on my sides. I tried to stir but could barely move a muscle. My body felt five times its weight. So I settled to trying to open my eyes. It took time for my eyes to clear and adjust. I was staring at a ceiling. Looked like one from housing quarters. Hopefully mine.

Trying to sit up, I strained a groan. The slightest movement of muscles in my face made me realize I had gauze wrapped around the head and jaws. _Of course, nearly lost the damn thing. Well, practically did._ I was almost halfway up when I collapsed back down and felt someone stir next to me. _Please, please, please_...

I turned my head to see Reiner sitting on the edge of my bed. He was looking at me with a fairly deadpanned but concerned expression, as if I were made of fine china, and he feared the slightest thing would break me. My eyes were a little wide as I stared at him, a bit surprised it _was_ him.

"What, were you expecting someone else?" he smiled.

"Y-yeah, uh me'n, not thah uh'm not happy t'shee you, too, ya big lug..." I mumbled speaking mostly through my lips and teeth.

"Heh, I know. Bertolt will be back soon. I forced him to get up and grab something to eat. I could have for him, but he shouldn't waste away laying next to you for a week. He needs to get moving, literally."

My eyes widened.

"Despite the fact you two kissed and made up, well, hugged, before the reveal, he feared doubts still lingered when you went comatose. It felt too soon and too easy of an open-and-shut case for a couple's quarrel. So he's been by your side hoping he'd be there when you awoke. We know you would, but that didn't ease his worrying."

I whined as I turned my head to stare at the ceiling. _He fucking wouldn't_...

Reiner and I faced the door as we heard loud, clumsy footfalls approach. The door swung open with force and Bertolt came in, lightly panting. He knew there'd be zero reason for Reiner to talk to himself out loud. When he heard the dialog energy spiked briefly, and he picked up pace to return to my room.

"Oh thank god..." he sighed and made long, heavy strides to collapse and crawl next to me on my bed.

Reiner stood and turned to face us. His features were stern as he looked at Bertolt. "You ate something, right?"

"Yeah..." he moaned.

"You better have. Now that she's up, she'll recover very quickly, so you better get those muscles moving to keep up with her," Reiner smirked. "And don't be too rough on 'im, missy. I would've done the same," he smiled before leaving.

It was quiet for awhile before I uttered a moan. "Shorry..." I saw with my peripheral vision his head perked up. "You shouldn't 'ave..."

"It's okay, I didn't mind..." His voice was deep and a little hoarse.

"I do. I had no doubtsh after you made yer case clear."

"Still... I just... wanted to be here when you woke."

After a moment, I hummed to accept his words and not press on an old issue.

"Sho...?" I began.

"No need to speak, I'll bring you up to speed," Bertolt said.

I hummed in thanks. I was deathly afraid hearing of any casualties but needed to know as soon as possible.

"Many injuries, only a couple of casualties from the 105th Corp that came in when backup was requested."

A twang of guilt washed over me, but I couldn't help but be relieved that none were ours.

"Everyone was very impressed, all things considered. It's estimated we would've lost more if..." Bertolt paused, pensive.

 _What a minute_... My eyes widened.

"Ymir is... a shifter," he said flatly, unable to sugar coat it, which was preferable.

I groaned and reached up to take the gauze off my face and speak more clearly.

"I-is she... okay? Wha—what's gonna become of her...?" I had never heard my voice as deep as it was.

"Y-yes... She's being questioned. Krista, no, Historia is helping her case."

My stomach dropped. I was so worried about Bertolt and Reiner transforming or Eren being too spontaneous, but this was different. I feared Ymir found new comradery with me and transformed to come to my aid.

"I must help..." I uttered, trying to sit up. Bertolt sat up with more ease and aided me.

"I understand but not now. You need to properly recuperate."

My right leg was able to bend slowly but fine, but my left struggled. _Oh yeah_.

I cleared my throat. "Maybe just a little..." I now truly felt the weight of laying bedridden for so long. Yes, I will recover quicker than non-shifters, but this felt very tangible right now. I turned to look at Bertolt properly for the first time. His stubble was thicker, dark circles lined his eyes, hair a complete mess.

"Your regenerative skills aren't up to par, it seems. Hange thinks it may be because you're inexperienced when it comes to trauma."

"Yeah, I've never fought like that before," I turned my head facing forward, a weak, amused smile curling my lips. "Plus, I'm no Titan of Ymir's. What you, Reiner, and Eren possess are. Regarding _our_ Ymir, however..." Her titan possession made little sense, if any. I was deathly curious but it had to wait.

I paused and looked at him seriously. "Were you, Reiner, or anyone else I know well seriously injured?"

Bertolt sighed, "Yes. Myself, Reiner, Ymir, Eren... But we healed quickly and fine. Only Ymir shifted. Eren almost did but didn't need to in the end. Jean and Armin suffered some blows and broken limbs, but they're recovering as expected. Again, all things considered..."

"Yeah," I sighed. "...Thank you," I said, lowering my head.

Bertolt sat closer to me and embraced my torso. He was careful in nuzzling the side of my face, even though I was pretty sure my jaw was fine. His stubble was so thick, its scratching almost hurt my tender cheek. But I didn't mind at all.

"I'm relieved it wasn't worse than I feared. But still..."

"I'm sure you'll be called in for questioning soon enough," Bertolt consoled. "What would you like? To try to walk? Eat?"

"I guess eat. After a restroom break, of course."

My voice strained as Bertolt helped me onto my feet. I clung onto his waist for support. I was thankful Reiner forced Bertolt to stay active. He walked fine compared to me, but his posture and strides were still off.

"...What?" Bertolt asked when I chuckled.

"You could use a shower. Looks like you haven't taken one in 'about a week,' am I right?"

"I thought about it... But feared you'd wake up while I was out."

"Of course," I sighed. "You do look damn good in a beard, by the way. Not that you didn't without one, but it's quite becoming on you."

I looked up to see if Bertolt would blush at that and was not disappointed. I shook my head but giggled and gave his waist an approving squeeze.

"Don't ever change, Bertl."

* * *

Lunch went smoothly despite many clamoring to talk to me, and Bertolt, too, who had been away most of the time to be by my side. It was good to see the others and that they were still supportive. I was so thankful. I didn't see Eren and Mikasa, though.

As Bertolt guided me out of the mess hall, we bumped into Historia. I froze, fearing she'd see me differently. I felt entirely responsible for Ymir's decision.

Historia stared, tears welling in her gorgeous eyes as she ran into me in a tight embrace. She bumped into me hard, much to Bertolt's worry, but I stood firm and held her tight.

"I did my best... Please... Please tell them she is our ally, too." She shook, but no cries or tears fell. I assumed she did enough of that already.

I tilted my head down to press my lips on the top of her head, which wasn't easy given our height difference. Guilt pained me, however, knowing she thought of me, us, as allies. The least I could do it try to clear Ymir so she could be with her for as long as possible.

"I promise you, I will. I cannot thank her enough. It is the least I can do; I am in her debt." My hand stroked the hair on the side of her face. "Hi—Historia, was it?"

"Yes. Historia Reiss. Ymir deserves to know my real name."

My pupils shrank upon hearing her last name, but I chose to not expand on that topic.

"It's a gorgeous name," I smiled warmly at her. "I swear to you, I'll do everything in my power to allow you to hear your name from her lips for years to come."

Historia managed to break into tears as soon as a wide smile grew on her face. She buried her face in my shoulder and quietly sobbed a string of "thanks you"s.

"No, thank _you_." I felt Bertolt lay a tender hand on my other shoulder.

Luckily, I was able to meet with the veterans the same day. More like I made sure of it. I hope my urgency would help show my dedication to defending Ymir's name.

It was easy, at least to me, to make a case for her contribution during the attack. If that wasn't enough, I suggested looking at her from a research perspective, and how invaluable it would be to have not one, but two shifters not only as allies but potential gatekeepers to secrets that would benefit humanity. I noticed Hange's eyes light up as she nodded excitedly, almost as if she expected the suggestion. Either she already had the idea suggested to her via Historia or she had already considered it. Most likely both. Levi and Erwin looked at me thoughtfully. I felt, for once, they were taking almost everything I had said to heart.

I was dismissed and told I would not need to be called in anymore regarding Ymir. The back of my neck grew uncomfortably hot. That could either be a really good or really bad. Being told to return tomorrow morning to discuss my actions with a more foreboding tone was more of a relief.

* * *

After dinner, Bertolt and I decided to make the rest of the evening quiet and to ourselves, starting with a shower, which I looked forward to immensely. Bertolt insisted we stay in my quarters to keep me at ease. He guided me in my shower even though I told him that I was fine. Despite further protests, he insisted on helping me clean up. His smile and laugh told me I had no chance of convincing him otherwise. I ducked my head down and away, tucking hair behind my ear. Bertolt tilted my chin up and giggled at my blush and smile, earning him a playful smack to shoo his hand off me. He pulled me in for an embrace as he turned on the water to rain down on us. I shivered at the initial cold, and Bertolt immediately rubbed my goosebump-lined arms for warmth. His natural body heat helped.

I continued to hold onto this position as he soaped up my hair and carefully got out as many tangles as he could while the soap sat. I slowly nuzzled into his chest while I focused on giving his backside a well-deserved massage.

When Bertolt was satisfied, he handed the soap to me, knelt in front, and nestled his head between my breasts. I hummed and soaped up his hair. There was definitely no need to take as long as he did with me, so I took my time to massage his scalp, both with my fingertips and with gentle tugs of his locks. He shivered hard at the delightful sensation, eliciting an amused giggle from me through my teeth, followed by a chuckle of Bertolt's own. His long, nimble hands massaged my shoulders, back, and buttocks but hardly in a lewd way.

Feeling like whole new people, we alternated cleaning our bodies and rinsing under the water, eager to rest in bed together. We embraced front-to-front, which was unusual, but it felt damn good to have our limbs intertwine like this and continue stroking wherever our hands roamed.

"Sounds silly, but that was the best shower ever," I hummed.

"Mmm, yes."

"Reminds me of the days when I first got here. On the hillside, looking over the lake. Relaxing, soothing our aching bodies and minds from a hard day's work. …Except infinitely better."

Bertolt finally initiated kissing, beginning with the side of my neck and running up my jawline.

"We're going to that lake tomorrow night. No matter what," he insisted.

A deep, throaty chuckle resonated out of me. "Sounds perfect. I'm damn tired. I'll take a one-night vacation once a year with you over nothing."

All Bertolt did was smile against my skin. It was all I needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Calculus II final last Thursday. Organic chemistry final last Saturday. Cellular biology final this past Monday. And I've only been back in town for the holidays for a few hours. So there's that delay I finally warned of a few weeks ago, and I go to work at my old job here at home tomorrow morning. I'm beyond exhausted, but want to upload a chapter for y'all asap. Thanks so much for all the kudos, bookmarks, and hits. I can't believe I'm at 900 hits already. Thanks for all the encouragement in those forms. Regular Friday uploads should resume for the next few weeks, at least, including this. It'll be a treat for fans of both boys. And I hope to actually work on the story itself during this time off; I fear uploading will catch up where I left off writing and will be too busy with university to work on it.


	15. Purpose and Passion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The anticipated trip with Bertolt to the lake arrives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of relationship development, smut (after the double line break), and fluff. Also swears and Reiner shenanigans.

My meeting with Levi, Erwin, and Hange was a lot more stressful than anticipated. I should have guessed; I remember Erwin wasn't too pleased with my orders to retreat from the beginning. "Orders" was one of the problems. I was reminded I was still a mere soldier and had no right to call the shots, especially with them there and to trust them and the 104th.

The worst part was my pride being shot completely down when Erwin liken my outburst to Eren's irrational hastiness. He put me in my place damn well. I became something I wanted to avoid. If only they'd known where I came from and my full history. For all they knew, I was more of a victim than a perpetrator.

They knew I had the best intentions, and noted that sending the horses and mine with my gear on him into the forest was a decent strategy. I received thanks for that, as my abandoned gear saved a life, but was reminded how I got my ass handed to me and to try to accept aid whenever possible.

I was dismissed and left with an uneasy mixture of guilt, anger, and disappointment in myself.

Bertolt approached and asked me how it went as I came out of the office. I glanced at him before turning away and grunting a sigh.

His face eased into an apologetic look as he walked alongside me, placing a hand on my opposite shoulder.

I heard from the grapevine that Ymir had been cleared and was allowed to stay. I hoped to see either her or Historia before we left but hadn't run into them.

Bertolt told me he and Reiner pulled some strings to manage to get the afternoon and evening free while I was allowed to recuperate more.

* * *

"...Are you okay?" Bertolt finally asked as he stood just inside the doorway in my room. He was done packing and came up to check on me. I hadn't spoken much all day and was taking too long. "I just keep thinking..." I muttered. "What's next. What will become of Ymir and Historia? What's their role in this world? Will we be able to retrieve Eren? How will Marley welcome us back? What will we do once home?"

I looked over at him and he was staring down at a corner, a sweat drop prominent on his temple.

"...Sorry," I said. "I know those are a lot of loaded questions. But that's how my mind operators when stressed: races and overthinks. And those are my real thoughts; want to remain honest with you."

"No, those are all legitimate questions. I w-wouldn't mind taking to Ymir, if possible, g-given the chance..."

"...Yeah," I looked at him somewhat questioningly. The way he spoke, he must know something maybe even she doesn't. Or she may. It's becoming all too surreal how unexpectedly connected everything is.

When Bertolt noticed I was staring at him, he shook his head and walked up to me.

"But we'll deal with all of those questions some other time. We've got more important matters to attend to." He smiled warmly at me as he tilted my head up and bent forward to give a kiss. "Can I get anything to help you pack?"

* * *

The three of us left with little problems. Luckily next to none knew of our little trip, especially since Reiner would be returning later that evening. Bertolt and I took one horse and rode together while Reiner had his own. Much of the trip consisted of friendly banter between Reiner and I. Bertolt focused on driving the horse and occasionally joined the conversations but was content just listening. He was relieved to hear me relaxing and laughing again thanks to Reiner. It made his heart swell.

When we arrived at the lake shore, Bertolt picked out a nice spot and got down. He motioned for me to stay on so he could ease me down, which was easy given his height. He pecked my forehead after I gave him my thanks.

I began to help Bertolt unload the supplies and camping gear from our horse when I was suddenly plucked up off the ground and taken quickly away.

"No-no-no-no-NOOO, BertOOOOLT!" I cried as Reiner ran full speed towards the lake.

"Hold your breath!" Reiner shouted as he plunged both of us into the lake. He let go of me immediately, and I scrambled to swim back onto the shore. Thank god the lake was so clean and pristine or else I would've been ten times as pissed. We weren't exactly near any showers out here.

"What, you don't like to swim?" Reiner asked, head and arms bobbing up and down in the water.

"Yes, but on my own terms! And not while fully clothed!" I furrowed my brows, but my wicked grin gave away the fact I didn't find the situation completely unamusing.

Reiner's smirk grew when he looked at Bertolt, who was clutching his mouth with his palm struggling not to laugh. His almond-like eyes curled in the corners of a smile. He released his laughter in full force when my eyes caught his. He laughed so hard, he hugged his stomach for dear life. It was a beautiful sight and sound that gave me butterflies.

"Now tell me that that wasn't worth it," Reiner guffawed as he walked out onto shore. "When was the last time you've seen Bertl this happy?"

"Never," I said, staring at Bertolt with a warm blush. I could see the lines in the corners of his smile and crow's feet, indicating his laugh was big and genuine. I had no idea he could even laugh that loudly. It rivaled Reiner's.

Reiner bumped into my shoulder purposefully. "Look at you, falling in love all over again," he teased with a huge smirk.

I literally choked upon hearing his word choice. "What?!" I immediately smacked his upper arm from behind.

"Don't deny it!" he teased. I simply stood and growled, a hot blush lighting up my face. It loosened as I couldn't help but look at Bertolt to see his reaction to Reiner's claim. All Bertolt did was stare with a smile. My face grew hotter.

* * *

After Reiner set up a fire to help dry us off, we enjoyed the afternoon just to ourselves. It felt like the days when I first arrived but better in every way. For one evening, it was just the three of us again. No other Corps members to consider, no need to worry about getting back to our quarters... We were free to be completely ourselves, and I felt our bonds become stronger than ever.

We had an early dinner and Reiner declared he was to leave soon after. My heart grew heavy. As much as I looked forward to spending the night with Bertolt, I wish the afternoon with Reiner would've lasted at least twice as long.

I fell silent as he finished packing up his horse and turned towards us to bid us goodbye. He clasp a strong hand on Bertolt's shoulder and flashed him a big smile. Reiner turned to me and noticed my apprehensive look. He outstretched an arm and practically threw me into a tight bear hug.

"Thank you for coming, Reiner. I think she needed that."

I hummed in confirmation into Reiner's large, muscular chest.

"Thank _you_ for inviting me," his voice was serious and husky. "Looks like we may or may not have someone else to consider in our end game. We'll straightened things out soon enough. In the meantime, enjoy the night. It's been a rough week, especially for you," Reiner said as he pulled away to tilt my head up with his thumb and forefinger. The moment felt surreal and tender as he held onto my gaze for what felt like longer than it was. But then he plopped the same hand on top of my head to rough up my hair a bit, snapping me back to reality.

"Take care!" Reiner called before taking off at full speed.

Bertolt pressed into my backside and crossed his long arms in front of me. I sighed contently and held onto his forearms and rested my head on his right arm.

"For all his complexity, I think he's a good man."

"He is," Bertolt sighed. "I've managed to stick by his side practically all my life, after all."

I hummed and nuzzled into his arm. "I can see why. You two have been through so much. I swear, all your sacrifices and pain won't be for naught. You'll be home soon. I cannot wait to see you two succeed."

Bertolt pressed his lips against the top of my head. "Thank you... that means a lot to me."

* * *

After sitting by the campfire and watching the sunset, which we had barely caught, Bertolt unrolled two sleeping bags and laid them side-by-side so we could lay comfortably and watch the emerging stars. We laid as we did the night before the reveal with him flat on his back, me on my side, an arm and leg on top of his left side. I was able to identify a few constellations but Bertolt spoke of more with wonderment.

He was gently stroking my upper arm with his left hand's fingertips and after a while felt them travel down to my side. I tolerated the new positioning until he eased up my blouse and repeated the motions on bare skin, earning a squeak from me. He stopped and turned to look at me when he felt me tense up. He stopped. We kept quiet, surprisingly, but Bertolt tested me by dancing his fingertips on my sensitive bare side, threatening me with a real tickle. I tensed harder and clenched onto him tight. He turned his head fully towards me and brushed my hair behind my ear.

"Do you trust me?"

My eyes widened at the seemingly odd question. He didn't have a playful look about him. He looked serious, asking me in the more general sense.

I slowly nodded and answered in all honesty. "...Yes," I whispered and did my best to force myself to relax as proof.

I expected him to at least smile and tear up, but he didn't. He turned to his side to face me, never breaking eye contact, and ever so gently cupped my head to close the distance for a kiss. It was almost too tender. Bertolt fixed that by grazing his fingertips up and down my bare side again, drawing out a deep moan from my throat. He returned a deeper moan into me and pressed our lips harder together. I cupped the exposed side of his face and reveled in the course stubble my hand felt.

He broke off only to turn in a little more and lift his head up just enough to plant kisses along my jawline. It had been so long since we were intimate and such a seemingly simple move brought out soft pants from my parted lips. I stared skyward basking in the view of the stars as he continued to fully explore my jawline and neck with his lips as I lightly held onto his head.

I grew impatient as he slowly made his way down to my collarbones, planting long, almost suckling kisses along their lengths before latching onto the corner of one to focus sucking on. My breath hitched, followed by a shudder as I felt his hands slowly press up my blouse to push it up. I moaned as I wrapped my arm against his shoulder blades to begin to prop myself up. His hands quickly pressed my own up and he carefully removed my blouse once I had enough leverage.

* * *

* * *

I was expecting to be laid back down, but he pulled me up until we both sat next to and in front of each other. I laid my arms lazily over his shoulders, He looked deep into my half-lidded eyes, breathing out a steady stream of pants of his own. His hands slowly rode up my sides until they wrapped around the sides of my breasts and his thumbs teased and gently scratched my sensitive nipples through my bra. My face winced hard before I tilted my head up and a louder, hungrier moan escaped my lips. Mouth agape, I felt Bertolt catch mine with his, delighted at the sound. I shivered and moaned into his mouth continuously as he worked my chest in this manner until I could barely take it anymore. My hands clumsily pawed at his shoulders, chest, and arms, still fully clothed in his usual collared shirt and sweater, especially given the cooler early autumn weather.

Bertolt took the hint and paused momentarily so I'd have the honor to unclothe his torso. He sighed as I caressed his bare chest, taking in every inch of him as he unhooked my bra. I caught his eyes looking upon my breasts. He slowly licked his lips, but his eyes through those long lashes of his looked anything but predatory.

I motioned for him to remain seated as I stood on my knees and placed them on either side of his buttocks and lightly sat on his hips. I loosely wrapped my arms around his neck and stroked his moist hair downward prompting him to look up at me. He looked upon my flushed, glazed expression, the night sky providing an indescribable backdrop. He breathed heavily at the sight and leaned down to career my breasts with his face before focusing his lips on the nipple of one. It didn't take me long at all to go back to panting steadily as his mouth and hands alternated breasts. I took turns massaging his scalp, shoulders, and nape and later began to grind my hips into his crotch, encouraging the bulge I detected through his trousers. Bertolt grunted and clamped a free hand on my hip but didn't force me to stop. I slowed my pace a little and felt no objections.

After giving me a few more caresses with his rough face, he broke off to look at me again and held onto my hips with both hands and guided me into the sways against him. He encouraged closer contact and a faster pace as his long hands held tighter. I mouthed his name and we kissed hard and passionately, moaning into each other as the friction grew.

When our moans evolved into quick-paced pants, he lifted me up by the hips to have me stand fully on my knees as he began to undo his pants. As soon as I noticed, I did the same for mine. All that was left was our underwear, as we had taken off socks and shoes long ago. There was no need to get into the tent or in the sleeping bags as we were literally hot and bothered enough as it is.

I was somewhat surprised he didn't object to me gently pressing him down so I could straddle him. It felt like a different night. A special night. I did not mind taking my sweet time with him. He's been the most incredible friend, lover, comrade, everything. Realizing that, I felt my eyes sting as emotions swelled. Didn't help he took a long arm to gently cup my cheek, and the look in his eyes made my heart swell twice its size. His lips parted just enough to show teeth and I could practically see stars in those gorgeous, olive green eyes of his.

He mouthed my name this time before I gently took both of his hands and guided them on my underwear so he'd have the honor to unclothing me. Once we set those aside, I did the same for him with his help. I carefully adjusted myself to gently place my wet folds onto his warm, hard cock and slowly brushed myself over his length. He threw his head back and grunted hard, his hands grabbing onto my hips almost painfully. I shuddered and panted heavily trying everything in my power to savor every centimeter without grinding too hard or fast. His hands on my hips was tight and encouraging, but shaking with anticipation. Loads of pre-cum had gathered on his naval area, and I dared not touch his head knowing it’d throw him over the edge right then and there.

After what felt like an eternity, he uttered a very strained groan and sat up slightly and looked at me with wide eyes, pleading, as his lifted my hips up to separate us momentarily. I nodded repeatedly and began to roll off him and he guided me underneath, our desperate breath panting directly on each other's hot, sweat-glazed faces. My eyes strained as tears weld in them, pleading him to take me. He took my right hand and intertwined our fingers tight and pressed them above me and cupped my face with the other. As I positioned my legs bent against his hips, he leaned down to press his lips firm against me and licked along the line to coax mine open. Our tongues intertwined as I reached down to his slick, hard, and swollen member and guided him into me. We tensed and groaned into each other as he slowly pressed himself into me until we were fully flush. He broke off to release a full body shiver, causing every goosebump on my body to harden.

Bertolt slowly eased out, almost completely, and eased back in in the same manner. I whined with anticipation, Bertolt panting hard into the crook of my neck as his teeth lightly held on. He slowly picked up pace and my arms tighten their grip around his shoulders. As I locked my ankles together over his hips, I adjusted mine slightly so he began to hit that one spot just right, forcing me to whimper loudly with every hit. He grunted loudly at the sound, quickly grabbed my head to swallow the noises in desperate kiss before taking that same hand and placing it on the small of my back to prop them up more. It was all I needed as I yelled with every precision hit and Bertolt quickly built up to an erratic, feral pace, the sound of skin slamming into skin no match for my cries.

"_-_____...!" he finally spoke. "I... I.... _I_...!" his voice strained, pressing the side of his face against mine. I could feel a hot stream of tears flowing down against me. I whined loudly, anticipating his release soon. But I did not quite expect was I was about to hear.

"I love you..." he groaned as his last powerful thrusts sent me over the plateau, my body tensed and shook hard before I yelled loud and shamelessly into the night as my nails dug into his wet scalp and backside. I strained more cries as he continued to pound into my oversensitive walls.

I pressed his head tightly against the side of mine and began to meet my hips against his as hard as I could. His declaration inspired me to affirm what I have known for so long.

"I love you, Bertolt. I love you, I love you..." I chanted into his ear, my own tears streaming onto him now. He held onto me tight as he finally came, practically roaring into my shoulder. He shuddered and poured into me before going limber. Bertolt carefully rolled me onto our sides before easing himself out of me. He wrapped his limbs around me in an effort to cover as much as his possibly could as I pressed myself into him with the same mission in mind.

I struggled to regain composure, but a few more tears managed to fall out. I could feel Bertolt silently letting his continue to free flow. Despite tonight, I loathed showing this much vulnerability but seeing, feeling, and hearing Bertolt shamelessly wear his heart on his sleeve was among the most beautiful and enduring things about him. And I knew they was tears of joy this time. My walls, did he deserve to be happy. And I'm forever thankful I helped.

Lost in reminiscing about the beautiful man surrounding me, I shivered hard when he stroked my upper arms.

"Cold..." I murmured.

He hummed in acknowledgment and slowly got up to get the sleeping bags in the tent with my help. We cleaned up quickly with the cloths we packed and eased into the warm sleeping bags after sealing off the tent. We resumed the same front-to-front position and exchanged a couple of exhausted "love you"s and "good nights"s before almost instantly passing out into the deepest, my restful sleep either of us probably had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy moley, two kudos, a bookmark, and over 50 hits in just a few days?! Thank y'all so much, again, as always. That doesn't happen with every update!
> 
> If you're anything like me, chapters like these are what you've been looking forward to the most. Lovemaking with the first "I love you." Bless Bertl's colossal heart. Hope it was worthwhile for long-time readers.
> 
> Also, new head canon thanks to the being dunked into the lake bit: when Bert _really_ laughs, it is indeed big, loud, beautiful, and rivals Reiner's. But it is almost never heard.
> 
> Title based on a classic, beautiful tweet by Chester Bennington, who passed away the day I started writing this chapter. It really got to me personally because "passion" is my middle name, but I struggle with having purpose. Take care of yourselves.


	16. Edge of Eden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After some heart-to-heart pillow talk, you and Bertolt head back to base. But not before a little fun romp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut will be in between a couple of sets of double line breaks; it's in the middle of the chapter this time. Bertl's a little extra frisky once you two have affirmed your true, deepest feelings for each other. Love's the best aphrodisiac, what can I say. 
> 
> Relationship development filler. Plot and relationship development with other characters to follow next week.

The sun's powerful rays lit up the fabric of the tent, bathing us in its light. I groaned quietly and stirred, my eyes straining to adjust. I turned my head slightly but did not need visual confirmation to feel Bertolt's body pressed against my backside.

"Look," he said. I didn't realize he was already awake.

"Hm?" I lifted my head a bit and noticed we were in some odd position about 90 degrees from what should have been normal. I looked at Bertolt, and he had the most adorable, child-like smile on his face. I burst into deep-throated laughter since I still had morning voice.

"I was wondering when I'd adapt to your sleeping positions, if ever."

Bertolt laughed silently as he pulled me in to face him. As we laid on our sides, we simply looked upon our features and tenderly touched each other since we were too exhausted to bask in post-coital bliss last night. Several minutes later, after waking up more, we finally made pillow talk.

"I got emotional last night, didn't I?"

"Yes," he smiled teasingly.

"I cried, didn't I?"

"Mm-hmm," he said, nuzzling into my face.

"But I finally got to say that I love you, right?"

Bertolt paused and pulled away to look at me. 'Finally'? His eyes were slightly wide, no smile present. I blushed and darted my eyes about, but it was a mixture of fluster and embarrassment.

"I knew you did. I could tell. And I have for a while now. But I didn't want to betray myself and admit anything unless it wasn't mutual." His eyes became slightly wider. "So, thank you. Again." I kept my gaze away from his as I felt my eyes sting again. Bertolt noticed and pulled my head in for a warm, tender kiss.

"It's okay. Now that I know you trust and love me, please feel free to open up more. I want to get to know you more and more. I want you to be happy."

I moaned and embraced him tight as emotions swelled in my heart. He held me close and soothed me.

"I guess this makes us even," Bertolt quipped with a smile.

"Hmm?"

"I wouldn't have said I love you last night if you hadn't kissed first."

I smiled and chuckled.

"Yes, it's always risky to say those three words," Bertolt continued, "but if you think about it, what you did took the most guts." He smiled as he took my chin so our eyes would meet and rubbed it with his thumb pad.

"I suppose," I mewled, then giggled. "You're welcome."

"Cocky," he smirked.

"Damn right."

"We should probably leave soon, yeah?" he said.

I hummed as he sat up, guiding me along. We stepped out to dress and began packing things away.

* * *

Once we were done with the biggest items, we ate a small breakfast and I left to stand facing the lake as Bertolt finished what little had left to be done. I stared hazily out on the gorgeous, shimmering waters to soak in as much of the sight as I could. Chances are, I wouldn't see this lakeside like this again.

I felt Bertolt sneak his arms around my waist. I held onto his wrists in front of me, his head pressed gently on top of mine. I sighed, happy he was taking in the sight with me in silence. After a while, he pressed me firm against him and turned me 180 degrees and guided me away. I made a curious noise as we passed our packed horse, and he pressed me towards to edge of the forest surrounding the lake.

When we stopped, it was right in front of a very thick tree. He gently grabbed my right wrist and pressed my hand firm against the trunk. His other arm was still wrapped around me tight as he bent forward to attack the crook of my neck in rough kisses. I tilted my head to grant him better access as I moaned. He felt my right hand dig into the bark of the tree, delighted.

His left hand slid all over my side and stomach, fingers spread to cover more area. I snaked my left hand up and over to get at his nape, fully exposing my front side to his wandering hand. That wound up being a bad decision as he unexpectedly dug his long fingers deep into my right ribs. I yelped but his arm was fully wrapped around me, essentially trapping me. My left arm swung back to protest and he pressed my right hand harder against the tree. When he felt my left arm and hand making a stronger effort to stop him, he halted his tickle attack to grab both my wrists and pin them against the tree.

"Wha-what are you do-hoo-hoo-hing?!" I laughed.

"Nothin', just prepping you," he purred as he nuzzled in the crook of my neck. I laughed and struggled as his free, left hand dug all over my front side. He was relentless and my whole body twisted in its struggle.

"I can see why Reiner likes doing this. It's so much fun," he mewled.

"Oh god-hah-hahd, you're enjoying thi-heh-hiss!" I whined.

He lined his fingertips and dug them deep into the junction between my thigh and pubic area and attacked deep down into the muscle there, not unlike what you'd feel when someone squeezes above your knees repeatedly.

* * *

* * *

"Fuck!" I yelped and my ass buckled out behind me and I felt Bertolt's erection through his trousers. He ground back into my ass in response. _Oh walls, he's_ really _enjoying this_...

He had me press my now separated hands and upper arms against the tree in order for both of his hands to focus on my chest. He elicited a mixture of moans and tired laughter out of me when he gave my breasts a mixture of massages and nipple teases, and tickles, but more so the former, but he reveled when he forced me to buckle, yelp, and laugh with the latter.

When I was a panting mess pressed firmly against the tree, he grazed his long hands down to undo the button and zipper of my pants. I gave him longing moans and heavy nods of approval. He pushed them and my underwear low enough for me to shake my right leg out so I'd give him plenty of room.

Bertolt moaned deep into my nape as his left hand kneaded my ass and the other explored my soaking wet core. I moaned painfully with desire as his fingertips grazed my entrance but didn't press in, lightly stroked my clitoris but didn't stay to focus there. His fingertips rubbed up against my entrance repeatedly, forcing me to shiver hard against him, but he pulled away to suck on all the slick arousal he had gathered. He moaned into his fingers as his savored my unique taste.

"Bertolt, please... please..." I begged, clawing into the tree. Surely by now my upper arms and side of my face were covered in scratches. I stared hard with my right eye. He met mine with a narrowed, fiery glint that was unmistakable.

Bertolt forcefully pressed my grinding hips and ass away from him a bit as he hurriedly undid his pants and underwear, allowing them to drop and pool at his feet. His rock hard erection stood proud and eager. Bertolt uttered a deep throated chuckle as he saw me position my legs wider to accommodate him. He noticed my fingers dug so hard into the trunk that my knuckles were white.

"Eager?" he growled.

Damn, it sounded amazing hearing him like this.

"Yes," I panted. "Fuck me hard and fast. _Now_."

He growled deep as his pressed himself close to my backside once again, his slender fingers snaked their way into the deep grooves between my swollen lips and inner thigh and began to massage deep into the areas. I moaned more so from anticipation, my right hand subconsciously raked down the tree, sending a few pieces of bark to fall onto the floor.

Relief washed over me as I felt him lift me up by the base of my ass, my knees bent and pointed slightly upwards. I shook my pants and underwear off my remaining ankle. Bertolt walked forward a bit while shifting to position himself.

"Hold on," he ordered and I clung onto the tree with all my upper body strength. I nodded repeatedly, ready as ever.

Gripping onto the junction between my ass cheeks and thighs and spreading me a little more wide, Bertolt entered me fast once his head found my entrance. He grunted hard before stepping forward to have me fully engulf him and straighten my posture out more.

My initial groan picked up pace and volume as he wasted no time to slam into me over and over again. I was clawing into the tree like a beast on edge, Bertolt's rumbling grunts into my shoulder became more strained as his hips slammed into me in a near feral pace.

The toes on my dangling feet curled with need as I was nearing climax but couldn't reach it anytime soon. Bertolt regardless thrust repeatedly, the sound of moist skin smacking moist skin became more and more frequent until his breath hitched and his body became rigid. His grip into me tightened hard as he yelled into my shoulder and came. His legs shook as he lowered us onto our knees. I pressed away a bit to avoid cutting myself deep against the bark, still aching with need as I let him pour into me, his cock pulsating against my walls. He stayed inside me, keeping my hips pressed firmly against him. As soon as I was on my knees, he pulled back my clitoral hood and rubbed circles around my fully exposed and hard clit with multiple finger pads. I moaned and cried out as Bertolt took care of me despite his own exhausting orgasm. I quickly reached climax as my walls throbbed around his spent cock and he twitched and protested, the sensations too much for his hyper-sensitive member. He continued to service my clit as he had to force himself out now, his limp manhood flopping out and down. He slowed his fingertips as I buckled with every last oversensitive stroke he gave me.

Bertolt rested on my backside as he lazily noticed steam emitting from my hands, arms, and unexposed side of my face. He grinned knowing I pressed so hard and rough against the bark that it caused multiple abrasions.

I crossed my forearms onto the trunk and rested my head against it as I recuperated. Bertolt recovered and sat back on his heels to begin massaging the small of my back. He watched in fascination as gravity pulled his seed out of me and onto the ground below.

* * *

* * *

"Mmm, that was a different. A beautiful surprise," I purred, looking at him with a seductive side-eye.

He looked back at me with a similar expression, a sly smile curling his features.

"Is your back well? I know that couldn't have been the most comfortable position," he spoke so sweet and formally despite him taking such hungry initiative moments ago. He began massaging up and down along my spine.

I leaned back and pressed myself against his chest, taking a hand to gently press his the back of his head towards mine so our lips would meet from behind.

"Yes, thank you. I swear, you spoil me."

He smiled, slightly embarrassed and shook his head but didn't verbally deny it. Bertolt pecked the corner of my mouth before standing up with me.

" _Now_ we can get going," he said.

* * *

We returned to the stables in the early afternoon after a nice, peaceful ride. Not much was said or needed to be. When we arrived, a couple of stable hands plus Sasha and Armin were there for stable duty.

"Oy, there you are! Haven't seen you two all morning! Or last night for that matter!" piped Sasha. She bounced forward to give Bertolt and I each a big hug once we dismounted, and Bertolt prepared to lead the horse into the stables. Sasha pressed off against me, holding me firm by my shoulders.

"Hey, I heard a scream last night that was reminiscent of yours. Are you okay?" she looked genuinely worried.

 _Are you fucking kidding me? I thought I could do so in peace for once without biting down on my fist or Bertolt's shoulder. It's because I'm a titan, isn't it_...

Bertolt choked and turned beat red, picking up stride to leave the vicinity quickly and put away the horse alone.

Armin's eyes bugged out as he eavesdropped.

"...Yes, better than okay! Would you like me to tell you all about it?" My eyes and grin widened to disturbingly exaggerated proportions. I wasn't of course, just wanted to fuck with her naïvety. Especially since I heard Bertolt full-on choke, cough, and gasp for breath.

"I bet there are at least some perks involved where at least one person is a shifter..." Armin thought aloud in all seriousness. His finger was placed pensive on his chin, deep in thought.

The lightbulb in Sasha's head had lit up right before Armin's remark, and she stuttered unsure of what to say next.

"Ah-ha, sorry, I didn't realize...!" Her apology peppered with awkward chuckles as I simply shook my head at her. I noticed with the corner of my eye that Bertolt emerged from stables only to make a beeline for the mess hall with long, quick strides. His face lightened but sweat was sprinkled all over his temples and sides.

I snickered long and hard before uttering a deep giggle. I pressed my hand hard on top of one of her shoulders as I started to make my way past her. "No worries, I appreciate the concern."

"And Armin, you're not wrong," I pointed a finger at him as I passed by, a smirk curled on my lips. He darted his eyes but was hardly embarrassed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to cut back on early chapter uploads because I do fear passing up where I stopped writing over the summer. The next few will be fantastic, I look forward to the coming weeks. Wish/Hope to whip up a little something for Bertl's bertday, but I may not be able to; been working since I came home for the holiday break. Debating on a one-shot from this universe involving Reader or a canon universe one-shot with some AU elements. The fanart I've been seeing for Bert's bertday have been a nice break from the heartache ch. 101 is giving me. But I made a couple of mutual friends on Tumblr because of it, so I'm thankful for that.
> 
> Hope everyone had a great holiday season and will have a happy new year!
> 
> Also, how could I forget, thanks for pushing the hit count well past 1,000 since last week. Given the characters involved and the fact it's a self-insert, I think that's not bad at all. Sending all my love and thanks to y'all.


	17. Hope Is for People Who Can't See the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren makes it known why he's been avoiding you since the reveal. After a nasty confrontation, you make it known how much both of your boys mean to you, and the three of you make plans to finally figure out the best way to return the Founding Titan to Marley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swears and a bit of physical force brought on by a particularly irrational character, but nothing too terrible.

Dinner in the mess hall was going smoothly, just as the day had been earlier. Ymir and Historia sat together in close proximity to Reiner, Bertolt, and I, and my heart swelled. I could not explain how happy I was not only for them, but the sudden sisterhood I now shared with them, especially Ymir. In my heart of hearts, it will always be just the boys and I, but having these ladies become closer to us was a welcomed blessing.

I had finished eating first and got up with my tray to dispose of when I bumped hard into Eren walking down the center. But it was no accident on my part. I dropped my tray carelessly with a loud crash on the empty end of the closest table with one hand while simultaneously grabbing Eren's closest shoulder with the other and forcefully turned him to face me. He was eager to oblige.

"Speak," I commanded him flatly. No bullshitting: if you wanna start something, start it now Jaeger. You've been avoiding me since that day and now I know why.

"When's the next wave coming, huh?" He furrowed his brows at me, but I kept a cold, unwavering stare on him. "You were damn lucky no one in this squad was killed. How do you expect anyone to throw their lives away for someone we barely know? Who would be willing to do so for you? And for what? And why?! Who the fuck even are you?!"

"I've asked you the same damn thing before, Eren!" Jean yelled from down the hall as he stood, pumped fist raised. But Marco grabbed his arm and forced him back down. Jean was so use to being in my shoes, I'm sure he was ready for another verbal war.

"I need not remind you of those who died for your naïve ass," I said in a low, husky tone. "Tell me, how many fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, _children_ unknowingly sacrificed their lives for you when you fought Annie within the walls? I know of Stohess." 

I successfully blocked a punch Eren attempted to threw at me.

"Exactly as I expected from you. Truth hurts, doesn't it? But you'll soon brush it off and justify it with your ambitions to kill every last titan, for freedom, to see the ocean or some shit, yeah?"

"Eren!" This time, Armin was able to physically hold him back. I noticed with my peripheral vision Bertolt stood up, so tense he was rigid, ready to run over and interfere when needed. Luckily he forced himself to remain and observe first. I'm thankful he knew me well enough that I wouldn't want that. Mikasa kept a piercing gaze on me that only she could give when anyone spoke ill of Eren.

"Poor thing was so close to defeat she was scaling the wall to escape, I'm told."

"'POOR THING'?!" Eren yelled. "HOW COULD YOU CALL A TRAITOR LIKE THAT—"

"Because things are not as simple as humans versus titans, kid."

Eren snarled. I looked back at him, eyes relaxed, mustering every ounce of sympathy I could give him.

"Does your own existence alone not prove that? Mine? Ymir's? And there's more. A whole lot more to this world. You should know. And you will find out soon enough. But as of now, you are _incredibly_ naïve."

I saw Ymir nod her head hard in agreement at that.

"When you learn this world is not as linear, not as black and white, as you think, you realize some things. What's black and white to one is white and black to another. The result of coin flips only have meaning when one side is called and focused on first."

"The fuck are you saying?! Who are you?! And what don't I know?!"

I sighed and lowered my head before I approached to place a firm hand on his shoulder.

"I know some things but not everything. And I sure as hell don't have things figured out. But at least I admit that. I hope you learn to do the same. I don't want to hate you, Eren, but when you start conversations in which you don't exactly have a clean slate yourself and you still have a lot to learn, yes, my tongue will fire back. Especially in regard to others. Remember, I pissed off Erwin by telling all of you to fall back so I could kill myself for your sorry asses."

The second Armin loosened his grip ever slightly, Eren broke free to punch me hard in the shoulder before storming off and muttering something about 'for talking for much, didn't _say_ much.' I stumbled back but caught myself easy in one step. Armin chased after him. Mikasa calmly got up but her icy eyes kept their gaze on me until she had to turn her back fully on me in order to follow the two.

A couple of people groaned out loud, surprised that for once Eren was the unnecessarily confrontational one.

I turned and quickly made my way towards the doors to exit and heard a few long, hard steps approaching me. As I opened a door with one hand, I felt Bertolt grab the other's wrist, but I rotated my elbow to smack it away with a stiffened wrist and left.

* * *

I sat at the usual hillside looking over the lake, the half-moon giving off just enough light. I held my wrists underneath bent knees, chin pressed hard in between. I stared forward, brows furrowed slightly, deep in racing thoughts.

I heard footfalls gently crunch the grass behind me, but the stride sounded slightly closer together. The sound got louder until someone stood next to me.

"Bertolt told me you might be here," Reiner broke the silence.

Reiner got no response. He sighed and sat down next me, shoulders and hips pressed firmly against my side.

"He's talking to Ymir right now, briefly."

I barely turned my head so my eyes could meet his gaze.

"He didn't say whether or not to tell you about what, so I’ll leave that up to him."

I finally sighed so heavily, it was visible in my shoulders. Reiner turned towards me slightly in his seat, gently guided my arms down to a relaxed position and massaged deep into the shoulder Eren punched.

"Mmm, fuck..." I moaned, forgetting for a brief second that this was not Bertolt. But I had no regrets nonetheless.

Reiner hitched his breath and froze for a second.

"No, sorry, feels good. As you know, I can be pretty sensitive," I chuckled. Reiner grinned and was thankful I hadn't caught the slight blush on his face as I continued to make a few more questionable moans, both subconscious and willingly.

Reiner swallowed hard before addressing the elephant in the room. "What Eren said was harsh and had some truth in it, but don't mind him. You retorted very well. As you pointed out multiple times, he's naïve."

"I know. I don't blame him. But I do wonder how different he'd be if he didn't lose her mother the way he did. He probably wouldn't even be here. And he'd certainly be less narrow-minded. Wrong place, in the wrong time."

I paused and Reiner had subconsciously slowed his massage a bit. I leaned onto his side, and he did not protest.

"I got defensive. And worried," I admitted. "If, when he finds out what you and Bertolt are..."

Before I could finish my thoughts, I heard a very familiar stride approaching us from behind. Long, slow, quiet. That's what did me in.

"I love you both so damn much," I said softly.

Reiner's face couldn't help but burn a little hearing that. Bertolt sat in front of me with a fixed gaze, but he respected my space knowing I should vent. Especially since Reiner was already here giving me support.

"I honestly thought of just luring Jaeger out tonight and taking him back by myself," I confessed.

Bertolt tensed at the idea.

"But I quickly realized that wouldn't work for multiple reasons. You two would never be able to catch up. The Colossal is too large and slow. Even the Armored wouldn't keep up. And that's if you two wouldn't transform here in front of everyone, giving yourselves away. I am also no Marley warrior."

Reiner nodded. "The mission was given to Bertolt, Marcel, Annie, and myself. Half of us are gone. You alone returning with the Founding Titan would raise more questions than answers."

"And would most likely endanger your lives," I concluded.

"Speaking of..." Reiner fixated his gaze on Bertolt.

"...She doesn't remember. She apologizes and wishes she knew," Bertolt relayed.

"Does she realize...?" Reiner asked in a deep, cold tone.

Bertolt nodded, knowing he asked if Ymir figured out who they were. "She holds no ill-will. In fact, she expressed gratitude that others would understand her. I don't think she'd join us, though. Historia is her primary concern."

Reiner disassociated for a moment, not knowing who Historia referred to. When he did, a slightly pained expression hit him. "Of course." I detected a defeated tone in Reiner's voice.

"Hey," I nudged against him. "I know you like her, but you'll always have me at least, right?" Reiner's eyes widened when I looked up to smile and wink at him. He stared for a second, mouth agape before smiling back and chuckling.

Bertolt swallowed hard. He believed crushing on Historia was largely, if not all, a part of his soldier persona. He knew I was simply flirting with our mutual friend, but the disassociation put the poor man on edge. Hopefully once they were home, Reiner would heal and blend to his one, true self again.

"Yeah," he said, more cheerful as he ruffled up my hair. He looked over at Bertolt who smiled warmly at him. Bertolt visibly relaxed. Sure his fixation on Historia was fabricated, but that didn't mean his on me was.

I looked up at Bertolt and motioned for him to lay down against me on my lap. I sighed contently.

"My two favorite boys..."

Bertolt hummed and Reiner squeezed me hard against him in acknowledgment.

"So, I'm assuming Ymir has something to do with this Marcel of yours?"

"Yes," Bertolt sighed. "Ymir was a mindless titan when she inherited his titan powers." _Meaning Ymir's life is at stake by Marley if she's the current possessor of the Jaw _, I thought in the middle of Bertolt's explanation. "And..."__

____

____

"He saved us. Me," Reiner said cold and flat. The weight in his voice made my heart ache. "I often wish I could thank him. Or that it had been me. Otherwise, I wouldn't have turned into this half-assed piece of shit."

"Hey...!" I snapped. I paused repeatedly straightening out Bertolt's hair to place one hand on Reiner's cheek and turn it towards me.

"Don't say that..." I said with each word becoming softer than the last. Reiner stared at me hard, glanced at Bertolt who wore a worried look on him. He was completely focused on Reiner, not at all concerned or unsurprised at my words. Almost as if he was either thinking the same or completely approving.

"You heard me earlier, I care about both of you. You mean the world to me, too, Reiner. I cannot imagine my life without you. And I heard _you_ earlier, too: we're all in this together."

Reiner gently took my hand and lowered it onto his lap, holding it. Bertolt had cupped both of his around the other. I turned to Bertolt and bent forward until our lips pressed so a long, soft kiss. Reiner slowly squeezed my hand and stroked my forearm a good few times before speaking again.

"Assuming no one else tries to start something," Reiner chuckled at the reminder of the evening's events, "we'll work out details very soon."

"You've been saying that for a while," I snickered. I loosened my smirk and looked up at the sky.

"How about we go into town..." I suggested. Both men looked at me. "We could volunteer to patrol, stay overnight at a hotel, check out the market. That way, we'd for sure avoid being overheard. And it could very well be the last time just the three of us truly enjoy ourselves before risking it all to complete the mission."

Bertolt's face lit up and he switched his gaze from me to Reiner. Reiner stared blankly before slowly easing into a smile of his own.

"That sounds great!" Bertolt beamed.

Reiner laughed softly through his teeth. "We'll head out as soon as possible."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I give Eren more benefit of the doubt here than in real life. Especially given chapters 100 and 101 (at least I gained a lot more RBA fan mutuals on Tumblr thanks to ch. 101; only real good thing that came outta it). Found a good quote on naïvety and found it very befitting of Eren, so it became the title.
> 
> Jean's remark about asking Eren the same refers to ch. 51/ep. 37 where Jean asked Eren how many had to die for him.
> 
> This was the point when originally writing I said, 'welp, Bertolt/You/Reiner is inevitable.' No objections, right? Haha. Expect a lot of development between you and Reiner in the coming weeks as well as lots of plot development. Thanks for sticking around long enough if you've been looking forward to deepening your relationship with Reiner. Difficult to resist either man, I know.
> 
> Hope y'all had a great new year's eve and have a better 2018.


	18. About Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You, Bertolt, and Reiner patrol the town during a fall harvest festival much to your delight. Before settling down for the night, Bertolt and Reiner have a candid discussion about you, much to Reiner's surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly character development here. Swear warnings, as usual.

We arrived into town sometime in the 8am hour, and there was already a lot of commotion. Even more so than usual for the morning rush. Reiner rode into town first, followed by myself, then Bertolt. As we were heading to a stable reserved for visiting Survey Corp members, the three of us curiously looked around to find any hint as to why the market was so busy this morning.

"I think there's a fall harvest festival happening soon!" Reiner called out behind him.

"Fantastic!" I called after yawning. That lifted my spirits but didn't quite cure my tired mind that resulted from the usual suspect of the night: insomnia.

Luckily, we were able to drop off our horses quickly because I was getting antsy, eager to check out the bustling market.

"C'mon, I want to see what all they have here!"

"Calm down, we'll have plenty of time," Reiner soothed.

"I know, but I hope to see as much as I can! I've never been into town before."

"What, really?" Reiner snapped.

Bertolt looked just as surprised at first, then quickly realized it must have been true.

"I've been busy training and working with Hange."

"Alright Bertolt, current primary objective: Have a night out on the town with _____ and show her what this place has to offer," Reiner smirked.

I smiled wide at Reiner as Bertolt got down on one knee and motioned with his head for me to get on his back, piggyback-style.

"We should probably try to get a room at a hotel first, correct? If we're lucky," Bertolt suggested once we shifted into a comfortable position.

Reiner snapped his fingers and pointed at him. "Good point. Let's do that first. We'll do so immediately." I nodded, appreciating his effort.

* * *

"We have exactly one room left, so you will have to share. It does have two beds, however," the receptionist said.

Reiner scoffed. "We'll take it." He sounded disappointed, even angry, and it made little sense as to why.

"Sorry about that. Wish I had known earlier or else we could've gotten separate rooms," Reiner apologized as he made his way up the stairs with some of our belongings. I had gotten off Bertolt's back to ease him as we carried the rest. Bertolt softly chuckled and shook his head. I, however, rolled my eyes and scoffed, almost offended.

"Reiner, Mr. We're-All-in-This-Together, is upset we have to share a room? What for?" I practically spat.

"Nothing," he said as he unlocked the door to our room. "I just really respect what you two have and wanted to show that by giving you privacy."

I snickered as Reiner pocketed the key and picked up the baggage again. "We won't be too loud, I promise. Unless you want us to. Or want to watch. Or...!"

"_-_____!" Bertolt shifted unexpectedly so much, he stumbled into the room, nearly falling over as the weight of the rest of our baggage almost pulled him down. But he caught himself and looked around the room the three of us had just entered.

"Ahh, this place is huge!" I sighed. I trotted in and slid the luggage against the side of the nearest bed.

"This _is_ nice...!" Reiner said, more at ease this time.

I looked and walked around like a child on vacation.

"Look at this view!" I said, pressed against one of the windows. Bertolt calmly walked up behind me and loosely wrapped his arms across me. We looked out onto a street clamoring with people. It was enough to get one excited to go back into the streets. Reiner walked up next to us. With one fist on his hip and the other forearm pressed above his head against the window, he turned towards us and caught my wide smile and eyes looking back at him. His features lit up in the sunlight, golden eyes radiant, as well as the blonde hair on his face.

"Been meaning to say your beard looks amazing, Reiner! Feels really soft, too," I added, referring to the other night I cupped his face.

Reiner chuckled at the compliment. "I actually suggested the idea to Bertolt a while ago, but he was dismissive so I didn't either. Then he wound up growing one while you recovered, kept it, so I thought it was my turn, then."

"Ah, so you wound up stealing his idea, then," I teased Bertolt, looking up at him.

"That's not the only thing," Bertolt teased back, digging his fingers into my sides.

"Stop!" I yelped and elbowed his side. He merely shifted in place, unfazed, and softly laughed at my reaction.

"You have the most enduring laugh," Bertolt bent forward to nuzzle into the side of my face.

I simply scoffed, more out of embarrassment than anything.

Reiner chuckled and ruffled my hair before heading out. "He's right, you know. We just can't resist you," he winked. I wore a hot blush for sure this time. "C'mon, let's check out the harvest," Reiner waved us forward.

* * *

Although it was hard to focus on just the three of us the whole day, I had the best time patrolling the town with Bertolt and Reiner. It was amazing checking out all the vendors, foods, crafts, and then some with them. We took turns picking out which delectables to purchase and share throughout the day, effectively sampling a good variety of what the town had to offer. I could not imagine anything more rewarding and fulfilling than experiencing many firsts with these two. I did have to hand it to Paradis for its unique geography, yielding foods you wouldn't see on the mainland.

I had caught a second wind most of the day, but by the time we arrived back to the hotel in the late afternoon, exhaustion hit me like a brick.

"Would you like to rest for an hour or two, _____?" Bertolt asked.

"Yeah, the sooner the better so I won't miss anything else," I rubbed my eyes hard.

Both men walked me up to our room and Reiner allowed me in.

"I was thinking of going to the bar nearby and getting a small drink," Reiner told me. "Would you like to come along, Bertolt?" Bertolt nodded without hesitation.

"Oh man, that sounds good right now," I groaned.

"Don't worry," Reiner gave a shoulder of mine a couple of tight squeezes. "We can go back later tonight if you still feel up to it."

"Sounds good," I yawned.

Bertolt laughed softly at the well-timed yawn. "Get some rest, we'll be back." He tilted my chin up and gave me a soft, quick kiss goodbye. Once they left, I locked the door and made my way to the closest bed immediately.

* * *

Bertolt noticed Reiner hadn't taken another sip of his whiskey since he first several minutes ago. He had his fingers still wrapped around it but merely stared at it, as if expecting it to do something any second.

"Reiner..."

The blond furrowed his brows tighter. "I care about her a lot, Bertl. More than you probably realize." _And more than I'd like to admit_ , he thought to himself.

Bertolt looked over at him with wide eyes, lips pressed and unwavering. "Really." He made it sound like more of a challenge than a question.

Detecting the tone, Reiner turned to his best friend and slightly cocked an eyebrow.

"I realize Krista is a figment of the shell of a man I subconsciously created." Reiner stared back at his whiskey. "That doesn't mean I am incapable of falling for _others_ at _all_ , though. But, _____... When I was reminded of Annie through her, I saw the world again through Warrior eyes, and she was the only one I'd see with my true self..."

Bertolt's pupils shrank, despite the fact it hardly surprised him. Reiner tensed, unable to speak further after dropping a hint of that caliber. Bertolt looked back down at his dark beer and took a couple of sips as moments passed.

"...I have always admired your chemistry," Bertolt broke the silence. Reiner silently gasped and snapped his face towards him. Bertolt's face remained forward, steadfast on his drink. Reiner was able to notice a small smile, however.

"I've always admired that about you. You're noticeable, commanding, gregarious. In our training years, everyone loved and admired you. Trusted you. Everyone knew your name and noticed your presence. When you're truly happy, you can be just like that _and_ a Warrior. Your charisma and soldier persona are not mutually exclusive. I have always been at your side yet practically in the shadows as well."

Reiner's expression and posture barely changed. He was hanging onto every word Bertolt spoke.

"And when _____ arrived, you two instantly clicked. You two reciprocated so well. It was palpable." Bertolt sighed into a soft chuckle. "In retrospect, it would be hard to imagine her picking anyone over you. Especially me." He relaxed into a smile, but Reiner could sense the sadness he spoke and wore.

"Fuck, Bertolt, I'm sorry, I—I spoke out of line, I—" Reiner continuously cursed under his breath. His fingers nervously danced on his glass but he forced a big, quick swig down his throat.

Bertolt snapped his neck towards him, upset that he had given Reiner such a reaction.

"Reiner, it's okay."

Reiner turned towards him, more surprised than ever, sweat beading on his features.

"I've been there the whole time. The play fighting. Flirting. Eagerly tasting your blood. When she said she _loved_ both of us."

Reiner's eyes dilated, shocked he was listing off these signs as if they were a mere checklist.

"Do you think she...?" he whispered.

"She is _very_ careful with her words. She's aware of your personalities. And she still accepts and adores you." Bertolt paused. "She's very guarded, like me. Like us." Bertolt nonchalantly took a sip of his beer.

Reiner loosened his tension slightly.

"She told me she was relieved that I was the first to tell her I loved her so that she could say the same. If she's ever teasing or kidding, it's obvious in the context and her tone. I believe it means something then that she included you when she referred to us the other night."

Bertolt took one more sip, leaving one, maybe two left in his mug. Reiner calmly looked back down at his glass and took a more relaxed sip of his.

"Perhaps I should follow my own advice then and tell her."

Bertolt nodded. "Worst case scenario, you'll be loved as a friend or brother, and you'll get closure. There have been times she and I haven't. I’m sure she'd be thrilled you got closure."

Reiner nodded as Annie flashed in his mind regarding Bertolt.

"Best case scenario?" Reiner gulped.

Bertolt furrowed his brows, deep in thought. "You mean a lot to me, too, Reiner. We're destined to live and die together. I've found solace knowing she and I love each other. I am happy and at peace. I have no qualms. Which is why I do not mind. If she is destined to join us until the end, too, I cannot object."

He turned to Reiner to look him dead in the eyes. "It is as you said: we're all in this together."

Reiner began to shake as he finished off his remaining whiskey. He planted his hand hard against his face, amazed his best friend was so understanding.

"You deserve to be happy, too, Reiner."

* * *

Both men had come up to fetch me from our room, and we promptly went to the same bar. They only had one drink each, knowing I was in the mood for some of my own. Thankfully, it was still not busy enough where we could plan our mission in peace, the festival surely luring many to the market. Even if someone overheard, they would have no idea who or what we were talking about. We still spoke vaguely and in code enough to avoid as such.

When the three of us made it back up to the room, Bertolt noticed I had fallen silent and was quite expressionless.

"_____..." he asked pensively.

"...It's just starting to hit home," I murmured. A sad smile curled my lips. I sat on the edge of the bed I rested on. Bertolt sat next to me while Reiner stood facing us in between the two beds.

"I remember when I left for a couple of weeks with Hange and the assistants with Leonarda, the captive titan, there were some genuine Hange moments I'll never forget."

Bertolt and Reiner looked at me, curious, but prepared to support emotionally if needed.

"We had Leonarda loose but chained up at one point. I shifted into my titan so Hange could take note on how she would react to me. Leonarda wasn't quite sure what to think. She was cautious but deathly curious. I would try to paw at her and she'd yell and swipe back defensively but would try to approach as soon as I wasn't a threat."

I smiled wider, but my voice began to crack and strain.

"Hange took notes feverishly but nonetheless found time to squeal, bounce on her feet and giggle like a schoolgirl. Once, I rolled over on my back, wriggled to scratch it, and she approached to rub my head in a flurry with both hands. She knew I was still me, but she treated me like man's best friend for a moment."

My shoulders began to shake as my throat tightened. Bertolt embraced me as much as he could from the side.

"It was so nice to meet someone as curious and passionate about learning as I. I-I wish I hadn't gotten so attached..."

Bertolt glanced at Reiner, sitting across from us, to make sure he caught my word choices. Reiner glanced away from me to Bertolt in acknowledgement then back to me.

"I c-can only hope in the end... Maybe... Maybe someone will understand..."

Bertolt caught Reiner's eyes again and furrowed his brows, hoping he would take the hint to come over and join me on the other side. Reiner sighed and walked a couple of steps to sit next to me.

"It's very unlikely," Reiner was blunt. "But all the more reason to stick together to the very end. This will not be easy, but in the end, it's what's best for humanity."

"I know," I leaned into the broader man as Bertolt loosened his hold on me. "But I had to vent, even though I know you two have struggled with this much longer than I. And you both have my deepest sympathies in those regards."

I was surprised an odd silence fell thick in the air after that. I looked up at Bertolt whose lowered head was locked onto Reiner.

"What's going on...?" I asked as I looked up at Reiner.

"_____, I need to confess something."

Bertolt gave a nod of approval.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early upload since I'll be at PAX South with about a dozen others this weekend and will be too distracted to do anything on my own. Plus, extra long time for y'all to dwell on this character development cliffhanger, fufufu.


	19. Moira

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reiner confesses the feelings that have very slowly built for you since the beginning. The result is both surprising and yet not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and tons of smut. Like, colossal-sized. Pure relationship development and self-indulgence. Difficult to determine when the more adult content begins, so I added the double lines when your blouse is going to be removed. That way you'll get some nice dialog in, too. The end has a cute throwback to a much earlier chapter, if you're interested. Enjoy.

I froze and looked upon the stressed features of the blond's face with widened eyes. I had no idea what had gotten into him lately, nor did I have an idea of what bomb he was about to drop, but I had a bad feeling. I was about to be blindsided; I was certain.

Reiner initially looked away, a blush creeping into his cheeks, then stood and walked about a meter away, back turned. My tension started to turn into confusion. I cocked an eyebrow as my mouth hung open slightly.

"I... like you. A lot, _____..." He was almost quiet.

Bertolt sighed heavily and plopped his head onto my shoulder.

"Reiner... We're not 16 anymore."

I finally snapped out of my state of paralyzing shock and spat towards the both of them.

"Wait a fucking minute, what the fuck is going on?!" I barked. Reiner turned his head just enough to eye Bertolt but didn't face me completely. I noticed Reiner was quite red in the face, arms crossed on his chest defensively. "You legitimately scared me for a second there, you know," I said haughtily.

Reiner finally turned around enough to face me again. I looked at him questioningly, but he noted that I was apparently more upset before the confession, not at it. He still stood defensively, knowing full well that I still didn't address the obvious.

"We were talking earlier," Bertolt took initiative. "I believe the other night when you said you loved us, it got him thinking back to since we all met."

I lowered my head and stared forward towards the wooden floor, any times of close moments with Reiner flooding my mind. Reiner turned so his full front faced me, gauging my reactions for any positive signs.

"I told him you choose your words carefully and that I've always admired your chemistry. All the times you've rough housed, flirted, wanted to see him before your titan's reveal, taking you into the lake with him..." Bertolt smiled and was rubbing my upper arms as he spoke, hoping to ease me.

Bertolt listed off even more moments between Reiner and I than he did at the bar earlier. Reiner's eyes dilated when he saw a smile creep on my face and a blush grow redder.

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't thoroughly enjoy all of those times," I said as I kept my head's position but made direct eye contact.

Reiner gasped aloud and nervously darted his eyes about but regained composure quickly. He could be just overthinking my words.

Bertolt chuckled softly. "This is rare. You're flustering him, _____. You need to tell him what you really think. No guesswork," he practically purred into my neck.

I rolled my head a few times in confusion. "And why are you encouraging this? You do not mind? You're not offended or jealous?"

Bertolt looked legitimately surprised. "I do not mind. And why would I be jealous? It's Reiner."

My jaw dropped, and Reiner gave Bertolt a similar expression.

"It's always been just him and I. And it's destined to be just us in the end. When Reiner brought up having feelings for you, I somehow felt nothing negative. If, say, you had brought up having feeling for someone other than me or him, it'd be different." Bertolt looked up at Reiner one last time. "But that's if you feel the same way. He needs to know, _____. Give him closure."

I gulped, knowing how important definitive answers are. I looked at up the nervous blond, who was nearly about to break in anticipation. He stood before me, anxious, needing a solid answer.

"Reiner..." I said in a low, soothing voice and waved him over to sit next to me again. He did, tension building in his muscles and keeping a pair of anxious eyes on me.

"I meant every word I said that night when I was nestled up on your side." I cupped his cheek not unlike before. "I love you _both_ so goddamn much." I leaned in, but Reiner couldn't help but glance over me at Bertolt, wordlessly asking for permission one last time. Bertolt smirked with a cocked eyebrow as if saying it was ridiculous wordlessly asking again.

Without a second's notice, Reiner crashed his lips against mine, hard enough for me to moan in shock. He pressed his lips into mine feverishly, pressing so hard I was leaning backwards.

"D... damn..." Reiner gasped in between breaths.

My moans turned into whimpers. I was not expecting him to be so relentless. His thin, soft lips were nonetheless powerful against me. I felt helpless but excitedly so.

Bertolt softly laughed and got up, never losing sight at the action in front of him. He stood in front of us, and Reiner had easily pressed me down against the bed, his hungry lips finally leaving mine and going along my jawline.

"I've... always wondered... what this would be like... with you..." Reiner panted, his voice rough and husky. It instantly created a flurry of butterflies in my stomach.

"Yes... oh gods, yes..." was all I could reply with. My mind was swimming; this was all too surreal.

Bertolt looked upon us lovingly and took his time removing his gear straps. As he bent down to remove his boots, I noticed his pants appeared tighter on him than before.

"Enjoying the view...?" I did my best to sound suggestive despite my increasingly nervous excitement.

"Ohh, I bet he does," Reiner smirked before nibbling into the side of my neck. I laughed as he dug his nails into my ribs and ran them down until they arrived on my hip bone and squeezed, claiming it. "If he likes to stare, I'm not surprised he'd like to watch."

"At least initially," Bertolt admitted. He tapped the back of my shin to coax it up so he could take off my boots for me. "She's amazing, Reiner. We're going to have so much fun tonight."

My voice hitched and cracked. "Wuh-wait, are we all really going to...?! Tonight...?!" I choked. Reiner sat up above me, propped up on his hands. Both men looked at we worriedly.

"Do you not want to?" Bertolt asked, completely serious.

"Just give me the word, and I'll stop," Reiner's tone was exactly like Bertolt's.

"No, I want to, it's just..." I panted, a hot blush surely taking over my face. "I'm so excited that I'm nervous. This is... almost too good to be true," I admitted.

"It's okay, I can slow down," Reiner stroked my cheek with the back of his knuckles. "It's no fun, nor is it right, if any of us are uncomfortable."

"Maybe you two should at least take off the gear and boots. Fully get on the bed and comfortable," Bertolt suggested.

Reiner grunted in approval as he began to undo his belts but then suddenly remembered. He stopped to take my hand, propped me up, and undo mine first.

"Forgive me. Muscle memory. I don't remove other's uniforms often," he winked.

I giggled and thanked him before returning the favor and taking off his gears and boots.

Reiner then placed a thick hand on the small of my back and pressed me towards him to lock lips again. Once we got into a rhythm moaning into each other, he rolled me over until I laid properly on the bed on my back. Reiner laid on his side next to me, torso turned to continue exploring my face, jawline, and neck with his lips and tongue. His tongue was tough and forceful, taking advantage of every muscle in it to explore all the details he could.

Bertolt quickly went to the other bed and pushed it until both were together. I moaned sharply upon noticing. Before I could say anything, he made his way towards us, climbed in and sat cross-legged.

"You're shaking. Still nervous?" Bertolt asked.

"Yes..." I nodded between pants. "But please, I want this."

Bertolt smiled and took my right leg onto his lap and began to deeply massage my leg through the white denim of my pants.

"Reiner," Bertolt called. "Lightly graze her skin with your nails. She likes that. It'll relax her muscles, too."

Reiner nodded and growled, lowering his head to focus on the crook of my neck while he lifted and pressed my arms above my head. I moaned loudly as his nails ran up and down my arms, the fabric of my blouse magnifying the sensations on my skin. I squirmed slowly, almost unable to focus.

When Reiner bored of my arms, he held my wrists together and ran his nails gently down my side and explored my stomach. I gasped and arched my back, Reiner uttering a husky laugh into my neck.

"Mmm, you like that?" he smiled.

"Mm-hmm!" was all my strained face could utter. "Oh gods!" My eyes shot open when I felt Bertolt take both of my feet into each of his hands. His long, nimble fingers easily covered a lot of area on each foot. Bertolt giggled as he promptly took off my socks to continue massaging my now bare feet. Reiner borrowed the idea and lifted my shirt enough to continue to dance his fingers on my bare stomach and sides.

My moans strained and whole body squirmed. Never would I have imagined four hands tenderly exploring my vulnerable body. It was overwhelming but gladly tolerable.

Reiner sat up to observe my full length writhing excitedly at their touch.

"Fucking walls..." he panted.

"Feeling more relaxed?" Bertolt asked.

"Oh gods, yes..." I said before Reiner lowered himself to explore my bare stomach with his lips. I whined when his tongue darted into my belly button, running circles around and in it.

"Mmm, R-Reiner...!" I moaned as my freed hands made their way to grope his head, my fingers digging into his scalp. I swore I could feel every soft but stiff blond hair of his beard on me. It didn't take me long to subconsciously make my way to his collar and tug it.

"Would you like this off?" he asked, breath hot and moist against my stomach as he turned to look at me.

"Yes..." I sighed. Bertolt had ceased working on my feet and sat on the other side of us, patiently waiting for the next opportune time to join.

Reiner sat up and scooted closer to me so I could begin unbuttoning his shirt. As I struggled to reach higher while laying down, he offered a hand to pull me up. As we sat in close proximity, I paused as I reached the last button at the collar and looked up at him. He was already staring into me, patiently waiting for my gaze. Unlike Bertolt, he never once blushed since we started nor showed any signs of nervousness or shyness. His eyes spoke of confidence, but I saw a glint of loving tenderness deep within them. I kept my eyes locked on his as I undid the last button and slid my fingers up his bare shoulders to press the parted shirt off. We locked lips once again, and Reiner took his shirt off when it pooled at his elbows and threw it as far away as he could.

He held onto my hips tight as he allowed my small hands to explore his extremely toned body. I swore his muscles twitched at my touch more than once.

"Whaaaat..." I teased.

"Nothin'..." Reiner gently panted. "I'm just glad it's you."

I stared, pleasantly surprised at the remark, my cheeks flush. I turned my head away a bit, slightly embarrassed. He took a gentle thumb and forefinger and turned my chin towards him again to plant a sweet, soft kiss. His hands moved up my arms and centered at the top button of my blouse.

"May I?" he asked, readying his fingers.

"Yes, please..." I breathed.

* * *

* * *

Reiner growled low as he slowly worked down each button, almost taking too long. Bertolt moved to sit against the wall at the front end of the beds so he could sit right behind me positioned between his outstretched legs. He calmly kept his hands on his sides, allowing Reiner to do the honors.

I shivered once my blouse pooled at my wrists, the result of the cool air and Reiner's gaze. I lifted my hands and Bertolt gently freed me, lightly folded it, and tossed it on the far side of the joining bed. Bertolt slid his hands between my upper arms and ribs, pressed out, coaxing my arms up so I could wrap them behind his head. He returned the smile I gave him when I looked up. He looked at Reiner and nodded before turning back to me to lock lips.

I moaned louder as I felt Reiner massage and caress my breasts through my bra. His hands were warm, thick, and strong. I didn't even notice Bertolt had lowered his hands until he gently scratched the small of my back and sides. I yelped into his mouth as my back buckled, chest pressing out and up even more than before. Bertolt laughed gently at the reaction. Reiner mistook it as a sign to undo my bra.

"Reiner, wait," Bertolt panted, breaking off the kiss. "Do as you did before with your nails. She'll go crazy."

I whined nervously in anticipation. Reiner flashed a sly smirk as he pressed his palms against my ribs and gently scratched and tickled the tips of my nipples with his thumbs' nails through my bra.

Bertolt caught my loud whine with his mouth and eagerly swallowed it. He did similarly with my bare back, forcing me to squirm and buckle against him. Reiner couldn't help but mischievously laugh before leaning forward to suckle on the exposed crook of my neck, hard enough to leave an intentional mark.

"R-Reiner, Ber-Bertolt, please...!" I begged.

Bertolt groaned before gently pressing me forward. He carefully sat up on his knees so he could begin undoing his pants after swiftly removing and tossing his shirt and sweater.

"Sorry, getting too hot. And tight," he smiled and chuckled.

"I do not blame you for one second, Bertl," Reiner quipped as he was undoing my bra. "The noises she makes exceed my expectations."

"Wait until you hear her scream and cry," Bertolt smiled once he was in nothing in his boxers.

"Oh waaaaalls, Bertoooolt..." I whined more from embarrassment than pleasure as Reiner's fingers explored my bare breasts for the first time.

"Mmmph, yes..." Reiner growled. "I"ll make it my mission for you to scream my name tonight," he said as I caught the fiery glint in his eyes.

I sighed then turned my head behind me to Bertolt. "See, now _that_ was kind of cheese-EEY!" I yelped feeling Reiner's teeth gently nip against a nipple. Bertolt burst into a short, hearty laugh.

"That's what you get for ignoring me," Reiner teased as his tongue did circles, flicking wildly against the very sensitive tip.

"Y-yes, of course..." my breath easily fell back into moaning.

Reiner's hungry mouth made its way down the center of my chest, towards my stomach but struggled to get comfortable. Sensing Reiner's next move, Bertolt shifted until he sat closer to the corner of the beds. Reiner gently took my shoulders and eased me down until my head rested on Bertolt's crossed ankles. I could smell Bertolt's beautifully musky scent since his hardening cock was easily tenting his shorts.

As Reiner kissed all over my stomach, he took off his pants and carelessly pushed them off side to allow his hardening member more freedom. His lips never once lifted a centimeter off my stomach the whole time.

He only paused to look up at me when his fingers met at the button and zipper. He noticed my hot and bothered face looking down on him, Bertolt's hands massaging, caressing and teasing my breasts and nipples with his hands. The sight was too much for Reiner when he noticed Bertolt's cock twitch through his shorts.

"F-fuck..." Reiner whispered.

I smiled lazily and nodded, giving him permission to undo my trousers. He wasted no time, and I lifted my hips to help remove them.

Reiner softly gasped when he saw my underwear pressed tight against me thanks to my thick arousal binding cotton and flesh. His heightened senses detected my scent for the first time and his cock twitched and ached, but he remained patient. He held down one side of my hips with one hand, gently laid the other's palm on my pubic mound and thumbed my hardening clitoris with his thumb pad through the thin cotton of my underwear.

I strained a moan, wincing hard as my brows tightened. Bertolt eyed me, wondering if the fabric was too rough, but he concluded I was fine. Reiner's thumb pad lowered to teasingly press against my entrance. I instinctively spread my legs further apart, Reiner practically hypnotized at the sight and feel of my wetness pooling further through the fabric, soaking them more.

"R-Reiner, please..." he caught my gaze. "Please use your tongue. Taste me now," I panted.

Reiner's eyes dilated at the blunt request, and he wasted no time unclothing me. Before tossing them on the floor, he turned the portion that made direct contact with me towards his face and inhaled deeply. He shuddered an exhale before sampling the slightest taste of me with the tip of his tongue.

"D-damn, Reiner..." Bertolt uttered, his eyes wide and jaws clenched, a thick bead of sweat falling from his temple.

Reiner's furrowed brows and eyes caught Bertolt for a second before fixating on me in the most seductive, predatory look I had ever seen. I shivered hard at the mere sight of him.

As both Bertolt's and my eyes watched Reiner press his frontside against the beds, Reiner's eyes never broke away from mine as he snaked his thick arms under my hips to meet underneath the small of my back, presenting my core to him fully. I bent my knees up and back, feet firm against the bed, ready.

As he lowered his head, he extended his tongue further until the tip met just below the very bottom of my entrance. He pressed the tip against me hard and slowly rode up, curling his tongue so he could lap up as much of me in his first, true taste as possible. I tensed and moaned, feeling his hot tongue against me. I already needed more. I uttered a sharp moan as his tongue grazed my hard clit but the feeling quickly left. I caught Reiner's gaze as he slowly reeled in his tongue, so soaked in my arousal, a thick string linked us. Reiner closed his eyes as he thoroughly savored my taste with a couple of lewd smacks and licks of his lips.

"Mmm, fuck..." he groaned.

"Oh, goddamn," Bertolt shuddered. I hadn't even noticed he was stroking himself through his boxers until he sat up on his knees to lower and hastily remove them.

"B-Bertolt..." I murmured, extending a lazy hand to indicate I was ready to take him. It had been a long time since I gave Bertolt oral pleasure. I longed to taste his beautiful cock again. My lips and tongue ached to feel the unique textures of his head and shaft. Bertolt held the base, waiting for Reiner to begin.

Reiner's eyes widened at the sight as he went back to meet my eyes before tilting his head forward. After a few laps of my entrance and lips, he began focusing on my clit, forcing me to cry out. I strained but relaxed enough to meet Bertolt's gaze and grasped his shaft with my hand. I carefully guided him into my mouth and suckled hard on his head. Bertolt strained his voice so much it sounded like it hurt.

"_-_____, no, please... Too much..."

Reiner growled into me, knowing we were making the tall man a sensitive, quivering mess so soon was quite arousing.

I loosened my jaw slightly as Bertolt slowly and gently thrust into me, careful not to go in too deep. I slowly stroked his shaft, trying not to overstimulate him. Bertolt's hair was soaked in sweat, his chest and backside displayed streaks of beads running down.

Bertolt was a panting mess when he looked back at Reiner who was completely focused on tasting every centimeter of my nether regions as he could. When he returned to focusing on my clit, I moaned hard around Bertolt's head, who hitched his breath as a result. The vibrations I sent were too much; he forced himself to stop thrusting and sat on his ankles, shaking hard.

"Reiner, _____, p-please..."

I felt Reiner smirk against me, and I did the same. He repeatedly flicked and stroked my clit with his tongue, forcing me to moan hard against Bertolt's extremely sensitive head. Bertolt gripped the back of my head painfully as his other hand slammed against the wall behind him in a desperate move to support himself. He was forced to begin thrusting his head wildly into me, unable to contain himself.

"Fuck... fuck... fuck..." the poor man chanted.

Reiner shifted slightly as his tongue picked up a feral pace on me, forcing me to release a continuous, high-pitched moan against Bertolt.

"R-Reiner, _-_____, I—I... I...!" he couldn't finish his warning as his whole body stiffened, and he released his load into my mouth. I moaned in delight, thrilled to be tasting his salty come once again. I ceremoniously smacked and licked my lips, purposefully presenting his essence on my tongue.

Reiner stopped to prevent me from coming as he shifted to sit on his ankles, gawking at Bertolt's come being cleaned off by me. Bertolt was stroking my messy hair as we exchanged "I love you"s.

"Sh-shit, _____..." Reiner couldn't help but reach into his boxers and prepare himself, though he had been rock hard for a while. I took great pride knowing our performance excited him.

"Mmm, ready, Reiner?" I asked with heavy-lidded eyes and a willing smile, as I sat propped up on my elbows.

"Yes," he grunted. He looked at Bertolt to ask for permission with his eyes again.

"She's all yours, Reiner," Bertolt nodded. "I trust you."

Reiner hummed and briefly looked away for a second before an idea came to mind.

"Bertolt, hold her from behind as both of you sit on the edge."

I gulped, hot with anticipation as Bertolt guided me in front of him and held me gently. Reiner got off the bed and walked confidently around and in front of us, removing his boxers in the process.

He stood in front of us and gently held my chin with one hand and caressing my cheek with the other. My line of sight focused on his impressive, fully erect member. As I imagined, he was thicker than Bertolt but not as long, but not short by any means; still longer than average. I traced my fingertips lightly from the blond curls at the base of his naval down his groin and gripped the base of his shaft. Reiner groaned and shivered as I began to very slowly pump him.

"_____," Reiner said with a guttural rumble. "May I come inside of you?"

"Yes, please," I replied haughtily. "I would love that."

Bertolt grunted and nodded once in approval. He reached under and lifted me up so I was sitting on his crossed forearms on his lap, giving Reiner better access. I spread my knees and held the back of them.

Reiner deeply exhaled as he reclaimed his cock to gently pressed himself in, grasping onto my hips for support. I strained a high-pitched cry feeling myself thoroughly wrap around every centimeter of him. My eyes tightened so hard, tears pooled in the corner of each. My gods, was he well endowed.

"Good... good... _fuck_..." Reiner moaned until he was fully pressed inside me.

"You did so well, _____," Bertolt encouraged as he kissed the crook of my neck.

I panted hard and whined, looking up at Reiner with glistening eyes full of need, my arms laying loosely around his thick neck. Our eyes met, and he quickly grabbed my chin and pressed our lips firm together. He eased out and back in very slowly so I could continue to adjust despite being well prepared. Reiner bit and pulled my lower lip back, holding it with his teeth, and shot me a fiery look.

"Tell me what you need," he grunted.

"You," I growled as he released my lip. "I need you. Force me to scream your name, Reiner."

His throat rumbled hard as he began to pick up the pace. My moans sounded a bit pained and Bertolt asked if I was okay just to make sure. I nodded hard despite the strained look on my face that he couldn't see. My pitch increased as Bertolt took one arm out from under me to massage and grope my breasts and nipples. Reiner picked up the pace more at the sight and sounds. The air filled with our hot pants, even Bertolt, enjoying himself vicariously. Reiner's and my arousals built until each of his deep thrusts made beautifully lewd sounds under his rhythmic grunts.

When Reiner snuck a hand down and rubbed circles over my clitoris with his finger pads, I spasmed and cried out at the additional pleasure jolting through me.

"Fuck, _____, I won’t be long..." Reiner strained feeling my walls spasm around him.

"R-Reiner...!" my voice was temporarily stuck several pitches higher than normal. "As hah-hard... and f-fast as you can... n-now... please!"

He growled deep at the request and took the remaining hand off my hip and pressed hard against the small of my back, the other rubbed faster circles over my clit.

It didn't take long for Reiner to pick up a vicious, animalistic pace and pound almost painfully into me. My mouth hung open helplessly as I continuously whined high-pitched cries, my throat beginning to run dry. Bertolt held onto the crook of my neck with his teeth and absorbed our movements very well.

"R-Reiner..." I could barely utter, hoping he would catch that I was close. Bertolt carefully released the other arm from underneath me and laid it over my lower stomach as the other gently covered my mouth. Bertolt tightened his hold over my mouth for good reason as he pressed down with the other: the next moment Reiner slammed into me, he hit my G-spot more perfectly than before. My eyes shot open and I screamed Reiner's name hard into Bertolt's hand. My legs spasmed uncontrollably, nails digging deep into Reiner's skin on his shoulder blades, drawing blood, which steamed away.

Reiner mercifully stop working my clit as he grasped my hips tight once more to prepare finishing us off. Bertolt kept his fingers pressed deep and with every precision hit, I screamed Reiner's name: begging, pleading, praising. I only fell silent when my body stiffened and shook violently as my climax released. Neither man let up as I sat helpless at the continued onslaught into my torturously oversensitive body. My contractions sent Reiner over the edge quickly as he stood rigid, slamming his mouth against my free crook of my neck and practically roared into it, pouring a huge load of hot seed into me.

We remained in this precarious position for a moment as Reiner and I tried desperately to regain our breath. Bertolt was stroking my upper arms tenderly as Reiner eased his slick, softening cock out of me. Hands shaking, he climbed past us onto the bed and collapsed in the middle not far from us.

I somehow managed to cup myself to prevent Reiner from spilling out of me onto the sheets. Bertolt kissed my nape and carried me into the bathroom where I cleaned up and relieved myself, given the pressure my bladder endured earlier. Drinking some water from the faucet helped replenish my strength and voice.

Reiner chuckled out loud seeing Bertolt carry me back in the bedroom cradled in his arms.

"I almost want to apologize," Reiner quipped as I was laid next to him. Bertolt handed Reiner a wet cloth for him to clean with as Bertolt laid on the other side of me.

I laughed silently and shook my head.

"No..." my voice was hoarse. "Only time I'll accept two-against-one odds."

Both men chuckled as Reiner scooted in closer to roughly and passionately kiss me.

"My only regret is not doing this earlier," Reiner said.

“Mmm, we'll just have to make up for lost time,” I sighed happily.

"And you were so worried," Bertolt teased his best friend.

" _I_ would be," I snickered. "How common are these arrangements?"

"Not at all," Bertolt sighed. "But we're no ordinary people."

After a few moments of peaceful post-coital silence, both men heard soft rumbles of giggles emitting from my chest. Both looked at me, curious as to what could be so funny.

"Reiner, you got to join us in clean sheets, just as you requested," I laughed harder upon finishing. Reiner burst into a hearty guffaw and pulled me in against him to laugh hard into my nape.

Bertolt curled a shit-eating grin and planted his palm against his forehead but laughed nonetheless. "Ohh, I forgot about that comment until now!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this was worth the wait for Reiner fans. Both plot and relationship self-indulgence with both boys will pick up a lot from here on out.
> 
> Thanks a ton for over 50 Kudos. I consider it pretty monumentous, given the type of fic and characters involved. I hope you guys have found this journey worthwhile so far. It's very fun seriously writing for the first time in my life and glad others are enjoying it.


	20. Hell Is Empty, All the Devils Are Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time has come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Pillow talk, swears, nothing unusual.

I got up early only to use the restroom, clean up a bit at the sink, and lay back down in between Bertolt and Reiner. I managed to get in a couple more hours of sleep before I felt the sunlight cut painfully through my eyes. A thick, muscular arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me in against his chest. Reiner was trying to wake up but his breathing evened out quickly and he began to snore lightly. I laid my arm on top of his and sighed contently, closing my eyes again to enjoy a few extra minutes of peace.

That didn't last long as I opened my eyes halfway and noticed half of Bertolt's body, longways and backwards, dangling off the edge of the beds. Before I could comprehend it, he slid off with a loud _thud_ that jolted me up to a sitting position, causing Reiner to do the same. I groaned and quietly chuckled, rolling over to the edge to examine the damage.

Bertolt was sprawled out, seemingly unfazed, jaw hanging open with drool cornering his mouth. Reiner crawled up behind me and smiled at the loving expression I gave my first love. I rested on crossed arms before Reiner gently pressed his bust against me, resting his head on my shoulder, and slightly nuzzled his head against mine.

"I imagine this is not an unusual sight for you?" I smirked.

"No. Well, in the sense that he's naked. Sure, we grew up together, but we've been clothed most of the time." Reiner grinned while grabbing a pillow behind him and threw it down on Bertolt's face. I giggled as Bertolt uttered a muffled "meh" through the pillow. He pawed at it lazily before pulling it down and onto his chest. He smiled through half-lidded eyes at his two favorite people above him before yawning and getting up to go the restroom.

Bertolt returned to see me pressed against Reiner as he was greedily kneading my ass as if he's always done so. Bertolt sighed and shook his head affectionately.

"This is all your fault, you know," I teased Reiner. "I was just adapting to Bertl's sleeping patterns, too. I considered it a true sign of being one with him."

"Well then, if you don't want me around..." Reiner smirked and rolled onto his back, crossing his arms above his head, extremely smug. I laughed softly and sat up to kiss him long and hard on the lips.

"Of course I do," I said before laying back down, my head in his shoulder. I beckoned Bertolt to lay up against me. He wrapped his long arms around my waist and nestled his head between my breasts.

Reiner cleared his throat awkwardly.

"This may come too late, considering we were all in the heat of the moment last night, but... I don't suppose you are or could ever become...?"

I held onto the silence while fixing Bertolt's extra messy bed head. "I think I'm infertile. If I haven't years ago and haven't yet now, I think it's safe to say I cannot. I did self-experiment on myself in the lab, after all. I do not believe anyone capable of titan transformation has become pregnant after gaining that ability."

"I am sorry," Reiner sounded disheartened. "Just in case, I can limit my involvement. I'd assume you would want Bertolt to..."

"No, it's okay," I cut him off intentionally. I could feel my face getting hotter. Bertolt's, too. "I'm almost certain I'm infertile and that's probably for the best. Our fates are sealed. Even if we were still soldiers, similar fates, just different methods and on the other side of the coin."

I felt Bertolt squirm uneasily on me. I exhaled heavily sensing he was feeling similarly. I never wanted kids and we never discussed it, but suddenly the idea of bearing Bertolt's child was enduring to the point of heartache.

Reiner sensed he opened a can of worms unintentionally and got up.

"I'm going to shower," he announced.

"Is there room for three?" I perked up, hoping to lighten the mood and reinforce our arrangement.

"Yeah, but it might be a tight fit. It's up to you two."

Bertolt looked up at me. "We might as well try?"

"Yeah," I smiled down at him. "I think that would be best."

It wasn't easy taking turns getting under the shower head with the two tallest men in the 104th, but it truly helped boost moral again intimately taking turns cleaning each other and exchanging a few kisses here and there. We packed and checked out with no issues, after separating the beds again, of course.

The three of us enjoyed the waning hours of the autumn festival, taking advantage of the surge of sales and bargains during the last official hours of our patrol.

"So... tonight?" I asked as I rode between both men about halfway between town and headquarters.

"Yeah, tonight," Reiner said flatly.

I swallowed hard and felt my stomach drop.

* * *

Between having a late lunch and late dinner, we spent all the time in between preparing to reclaim the Founding Titan.

_"Meet me just inside the forest at midnight. I'll tell you more of what you need to know. Come alone, this is highly sensitive information. You may tell Armin and/or Mikasa later if needed."_

_Eren's eyes lit up and he nodded hard in agreement._

Reiner, Bertolt, and I had prepared food, rations, camping gear, and dropped them off in an abandoned shack close to the area I was supposed to meet Eren.

We waited until after hours for Bertolt to take some artillery and ammo. When he returned, I asked Reiner why he had him go and trusted his judgement.

"While Bertolt was known for his work with the gears here, he excelled at marksmanship when we were training for Marley."

"Oh!" I beamed, surprised. "Well, hopefully it won't come down to him needing to demonstrate. What did you excel at?" I was excited to learn more of their childhoods.

But Reiner furrowed his brows and remained silent. He actually slowed down working on tying and securing the wooden logs and planks that would become an elongated packsaddle for my titan form.

"He... struggled," Bertolt began. "In everything. Unofficially, his dedication to Marley, but..."

"Sorry," I whispered, knowing I unintentionally opened an old wound. He was still visibly tense. Guilt overwhelmed me despite my ignorance, and I walked up in front of him. I cupped his face and leaned in and press my lips against his. He didn't return the kiss. I broke away and added, "I'm sure when we return, they'll see you earned your Armor. You're an exceptional warrior, soldier, friend, lover. Everything. Prove them wrong. I'll be by your side and testify on your behalf."

Reiner sighed and pressed forward, finally returning the kiss. "Thank you." He didn't sound none too better, but relieved and accepting, at least.

I hummed and went over to inspect the weapons with Bertolt. Reiner went back to a normal pace building and securing the makeshift packsaddle.

About an hour before midnight, I went as far from headquarters as possible to transform from an unnoticeable distance. I laid low behind thick trees and forest shrubbery waiting for the right moment.

Bertolt and Reiner made their way onto a branch thick enough to support both of them with their 3DMG. Each held part of a giant burlap sack and kept sharp eyes and ears out for Eren.

All three of us tensed and fell completely silent as Eren made his way in.

"Hello? _____?" he called. Bertolt and Reiner shifted slowly to keep an eye on him, waiting impatiently for him to be just in the right spot for them to get the jump on him, literally.

Before Reiner knew it, he felt Bertolt jab his upper arm with his elbow and both men leapt down, sack expanded between them.

Eren looked up and cursed himself as he realized what was happening, but it was too late. All Eren could make out was the vague silhouettes of their legs as they came down. He was enveloped and flipped upside down by Reiner as Bertolt secured the opening with rope. I trotted towards them and opened my maw and both men threw the boy into me. I clamped my jaws shut and swallowed, but not before Eren grunted very loud soon after hearing Reiner strain a grunt with his throw. I was hoping he didn't recognize Reiner, but he probably did. I could only hope staying inside my titan form long enough would send the boy into a comatose-like state deep enough to forget.

I laid down low enough for Bertolt and Reiner to climb on, and they secured themselves with rope attached to the packsaddle on both sides where all the supplies and equipment sat. It was going to be a long night and a bumpy ride.

I trotted through the edge of the woods and out, gradually picking up pace until I was comfortable enough to run full speed straight ahead. Things got too shaky the sit upright so Bertolt and Reiner laid down against my bare back. They made eye contact and clasp their right hands together and embraced.

"We did it...!" Bertolt breathed. His eyes watered and the purest smile grew on his face.

"We're completing the mission. Finally. ...We're going home," Reiner sounded more confident and happier in a long time.

Bertolt let his head fall hard against my back and tears silently flowed down, his smile barely waning. Reiner patted his shoulder hard and rubbed it firmly a few times before laying down next to him.

"R e s t..." a guttural rumble of mine called out to them after my ears pointed forward again.

Bertolt sighed contently and gradually drifted off to sleep. Reiner followed suit soon after.

Despite the plan going very well, I had to keep moving. It would only be a matter of time until people noticed we were all missing, despite my stamina, speed, and ability to be active at night. The further out the quicker, the better.

* * *

When dawn broke, Bertolt stirred awake and was shocked I was still running at almost full speed. Not as much as last night but still very impressive. Concern growing, Bertolt scrambled to sit up but he had to lean forward onto his hands. He didn't realize how hard the wind was blowing against him as he and Reiner laid on my back last night.

Bertolt called out my name twice, but my ears didn't even flinch. Reiner sensed Bertolt's presence and woke up as well, also taken aback that we were still on the move. Reiner approached Bertolt on his hands and knees as well. Bertolt turned towards him and had him hold onto the rope Bertolt was fastened to so he could climb up closer onto my head and ears.

"_____! _____!!!" he yelled. I lifted my head and it jolted away and turned slightly with a couple of startled chuffs, trying to detect the source of the noise. I lowered my head slightly realizing it was Bertolt and growled quietly, relieved.

"I think we should stop!" he yelled.

"I ' m... f i n e..."

"No, we should!" he insisted.

I stared at him with one, huge black eye for a couple of seconds before my eyes and ears darted forward.

"H o l d  o n...!"

Bertolt turned towards Reiner and flagged an arm down before pressing himself firmly against me, signaling him to do the same.

I caught the sight and sounds of some sort of prey species not far ahead of me. I pumped the muscles within me until I regurgitated Eren back into my mouth. My tongue maneuvered him until he was pressed between my lower teeth and 'lips.' I felt he was still but very warm, even after adjusting to the slightly cooler temperature inside my mouth due to air exposure. Good, he was comatose.

A herd of deer sprang out ahead of me, and I shifted my course on a dime and scooped up most of the adults into my jaws with ease, swallowing them whole. Not too long after, a herd of wild horses bolted out from the other side and I repeated the process. I followed where the herd of horses had come from to a creek running along the edge of a small forest. Once I did so, I swallowed Eren back up again, now that my titan's body detected it had some sort of nourishment in it already, thus eliminating the need to fully ingest Eren. If I hadn't eaten anytime soon, my titan would have no choice but to fully use him.

I slowed to a halt and laid down. Bertolt looked at Reiner and gave a disgusted look. Reiner cocked an eyebrow and shook his head. "Gotta eat," he said matter-of-factly. I chuckled a slow, deep rumble through my titan, knowing they hadn't quite expected that. As Reiner chuckled and sat up to unsecure himself, Bertolt sighed and did the same.

Reiner got down along with cooking supplies, a tent, and began unpacking.

Bertolt stood up and waited for me to emerge from the nape. When I did, I was greeted with a warm, beautiful smile and an outstretched hand. I took it and felt myself blush. I had an urge to touch my cheek for some reason and my fingertips detected deep grooves of titan scarring. My face contorted in a cringe. I had never worn these scars in front of them before. I looked back up at Bertolt and his smile never faded. _Of course..._

He knelt down and patted the back of his shoulder. "Come on." I climbed onto his back, he turned to climb down, and we made our way to Reiner who had already began cooking.

"I assume you yourself would want some real food, too?" Reiner said with a smirk.

"Yeah, that'd be great," I chuckled. "That way, both my titan and I will have plenty of fuel to keep going on after this."

"You're resting after this," Reiner deadpanned.

"No, I'm not," I spat back.

"Yes, you are," he shot me a glare with furrowed brows. I furrowed mine in return.

"I was half asleep for a long time. I jolted fully awake when Bertolt called out to me. My titan has fuel, I'll be eating soon, and we'll keep moving. We've _got_ to keep moving. Or else we're dead."

"We're making great distance, though," Bertolt attempted to compromise.

"I don't give a damn. I won't feel safe until we reach the outer wall of Paradis where the docks are. I will not let you two die at the hands of the Scouts. There is no goddamn debate."

Reiner continued to prepare our meals but kept a judgmental eye on me. Bertolt was silent, unable to add more to the argument, and settled for physically reassuring me.

"Tell you what," I began. "Since you're both fully awake, we'll continue with your vigilance. As soon as you notice me falter in my path or strides, let me know with the two firm kicks you were supposed to give me to signal as such, Bertl," I elbowed his side teasingly, and he jolted.

"S-sorry," he chuckled. "I immediately got concerned..."

I sighed and leaned into him. "I know. Hell, I believe this is the first time either of you have seen my scars." I turned into him a bit in a vain attempt to hide them. Long streaks fanned from between my eyes out and spread over my forehead, other lines sprawled my cheeks starting at the corners of my mouth, imitating mammalian facial fur direction.

"No need to be insecure," Reiner piped. "It's interesting seeing others' patterns. And scars are sexy," he handed me a bowl of a hearty soup he made with a smile. I grew tired and weary of his attitude swings, though.

"Does this mean we have a deal?" I smirked.

"Yeah, sounds like a decent plan," Reiner admitted. "I don't want to stop long either, but it'd do us no good continuing with you fatigued. We'll watch over you. I just got worried, is all." After handing Bertolt his, Reiner sat directly in front of us.

"I understand and appreciate it. But now I'm itching to get as far away from here as possible. I don't know what to expect, but I'm eager to see things through to the end."

Reiner hummed in agreement. "Your stamina and speed are incredible. Could easily give Pieck a run for her money."

"Pieck...?" Bertolt furrowed his brows slightly in concentration. "Cart titan?"

Reiner nodded after slurping up his latest mouthful. "Porco, too, but _____'s titan could be utilized similarly to Cartman. If Marley officials were to threaten you with death upon arriving with us, we could easily make a case for your use."

"Heh, true," I chuckled.

As we had multiple helpings until we had our fill, Reiner and Bertolt filled me in on some of the other Marley warriors. I was deathly curious, almost eager to meet these people. But I grew weary knowing this was the best case scenario. Who knew what to expect once I returned home.

After cleaning up, relieving ourselves, and repacking the items, except the tent which was thankfully not needed after all, we climbed back onto my titan's back and I engulfed myself into its nape again. After a slow start readjusting, we were on our way towards the outer wall again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was ecstatic how this turned out when I first wrote it. Eren's capture flowed incredibly smoothly, and I've had more difficult times writing both plot and sex scenes previously.
> 
> Infertility cop-out, but given who and what you are, I think it makes more sense than "just unlucky." Plus, it means we can keep the poly relationship going without anyone getting hurt.
> 
> I figured given you're the most animal-like titan in the SnK world, it'd be a neat differentiation from canon lore if it needed to eat every now and then.
> 
> Thanks for the Kudos and Hit count support, as always.


	21. Hey, You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your journey to the outermost wall of the island is almost over. Almost...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Second-person POV while you sleep and your boys chat. Swears, some emotionally tormented Reiner.
> 
> Forgive uploading this late in the weekend; forcing myself to catch up on my courses.

Night had fallen. I was still running though not nearly as fast as before. Like earlier, my head was lowered in a half-sleep trance. My front legs gave way a couple of times before regaining footing. Both Reiner and Bertolt, quick to act on their reflexes, kicked me hard twice on either side. I jolted awake so hard, I instinctively bounced a couple of times in my stride as if expecting to run into some obstacles. I regained composure quickly and growled an apology for shaking up the men and our equipment.

I slowed to a tired trot and made my way towards an isolated patch of a few tall but thin trees. There wasn't much left out here in the plains beyond the island's famous trio of walls. Even though the Scouts over the years had eradicated most of the titans, better safe in cover than sorry. My titan form plopped down harder than usual, and the men did as last time: Reiner got down and prepared a campsite, Bertolt waited for me to emerge.

"You're definitely resting tonight. All of us. I hope that's okay with you," Reiner smirked.

"Of course," I chuckled tiredly, rubbing my eyes. "I think we're making excellent time."

"Agreed," Bertolt chimed in. "Your stamina is very impressive."

"I bet I could stay in longer without the additional pressures of returning Jaeger over there," I nodded towards my titan's incapacitated form. "I did wander for years before winding up here. Not always in my titan, mind you, but still."

"Last I heard, Pieck could stay in Cartman for weeks on end. I wonder if she's surpassed her limit since we left," Reiner eyed Bertolt, then me, since he knew Bertolt knew of Pieck. Bertolt hummed.

Reiner prepared us a good serving of starches and grains to give us a slow burn of healthy energy throughout the night.

It was just us three again. The truly carefree air of our patrol in town were behind us, but this was still more than acceptable.

I sorely wished I had regained more strength and energy, but the more I sat and ate, the more tired I got. I was nodding off before finishing my meal. As soon as I was done, Bertolt took my dishes and placed them on the ground before I could have a chance to accidentally drop them. I immediately laid against his side and hummed loudly.

"It's almost ready, guys," Reiner called out. He ate quickly so he could pitch the tent and set up the bedding inside quicker. "Alright, ready. Go on in, I'll join you two soon." He stepped out to clean up and make sure the fire was secure and at a safe distance from the tent.

"Sorry..." I murmured.

"Don't be," Bertolt soothed.

"No, I wanna be with—talk t'both you—mmm..." I could barely speak as Bertolt walked me into the tent. I practically fell down in the middle, ready to pass out. Bertolt guided me, tempted to prop me up, but sighed and settled for letting me lay down.

"Give me a moment," he said with a hint of concern in his voice. "Let me get you out of these clothes. I know you'll pass out soon, but you'll want to be comfortable."

Reiner then stepped in, who had already taken off his gear, shirt, and boots. He looked down on us pitifully as he sighed and sat on my other side, helping Bertolt remove my clothes. In no time, they carefully got me nude and covered with bedding. Bertolt cupped my cheek and stroked it with a thumbpad while Reiner rubbed my hip and thigh. I shivered at their touch.

"Thanks..." I murmured through nearly closed lips. "Love... you... two..." and I was out.

Reiner sighed heavier this time and eyed the still fully clothed Bertolt. "C'mon, your turn to take care of yourself now. Let's rest and help keep her warm."

They did so, Reiner undressing fully and pressing himself again your backside first followed by Bertolt a few minutes later.

"I'm thinking we'll let her sleep in as long as possible," Reiner said.

Bertolt hummed and nodded.

"She'll probably be mad," Reiner smirked as he traced your scars with his fingers. "Such a lil' spitfire."

Bertolt laughed softly. "Be thankful she didn't hear that."

"What, I think it's cute and befitting," Reiner smiled.

"No, the 'little' part," Bertolt clarified with a grin.

"Yeah, well, that's to be expected," Reiner chuckled encouraging Bertolt to do the same. "I can imagine she'd snarl before pouncing on me so we'd wrestle on the ground."

Bertolt looked up and away, blinking a few times rapidly in succession. "I'm thinking more like she'd sneer but quickly shrug it off. She cannot help her height, just doesn't like to be underestimated."

Reiner chuckled. "Very true." Reiner hadn’t stopped looking upon you while tenderly stroking your features.

"That's one of the many incredible things about her," Bertolt sighed happily. "Only thing that could match her big heart is her intelligence."

"Reminds me a bit of someone I know," Reiner smirked as he looked up at him. Bertolt uttered a small gasp before shaking his head lightly in embarrassment. Reiner chuckled and lightly bumped his shoulder with a fist.

Reiner's smile slowly turned to a frown as he returned to caressing you, however. "...She's so exhausted, Bertolt," he lightly panted. The combination of the deep, prominent titan scars on your features and body completely still in deep sleep was a sight he'd never expect to see. It made his heart ache with guilt. Bertolt looked on him with a neutral but certain expression. "I cannot help but feel that this is a mistake," Reiner continued. "She's literally carrying us this far. At least she would've been happy back there."

"Happy even when Marley inevitably wipes out all within the walls?" Bertolt asked rhetorically. Reiner looked up and listened, acknowledging the argument but not thoroughly convinced. His brows were upturned, tears in the corners of his eyes that never fell as he lightened his panting a bit. "In another time, we revealed ourselves back there and got ourselves killed. Or we left with Eren successfully and left her heartbroken. She said she cannot imagine her life without us, Reiner."

Reiner sighed and looked down. He appreciated the emotional support and validation on your love for him, but still needed some more logical reasoning to justify your incredible efforts to go out of your way for him and Bertolt.

"Worse, if Marley returned to finish the eradication and discovered she was there and had completely betrayed them, they would probably take her alive only to punish her in ways we couldn't imagine. At least this way, she stands the best chance of a longer, more normal life."

After a few moments, Reiner was satisfied with the arguments and nodded with certainty. "Always been the voice of reason when I needed it," Reiner conceded. His own tiredness caught up with him as some weight was lifted from his shoulders. As Reiner shifted into a more comfortable position, Bertolt did the same, pressing closer to your frontside. Both were able to fall asleep fairly quickly.

 

_"I'm sorry," you said. "It shouldn't be you here. It should be my brother, Porco."_

_Reiner could barely make out Bertolt and Annie's presence, but he was somehow certain they were both there. All he made out was what had to be an 8-year-old version of you._

_The news hit him like a brick wall. Anger, fear, and crushing disappointment overwhelmed him. He knew it. He fucking knew it. He didn't deserve to be here. He didn't earn the Amour. It belonged to your brother. Of course._

_Tears weld in his eyes but before he could verbally react to your confession, Reiner's three young comrades stood with ineffable horror in their features before attempting to run away. By the time Reiner fully stood and turned around, he saw a relatively small, mindless titan approaching them. He felt you push him out of the way so forcefully, he fell over. The next and last time he'd see you was in the hand and jaws of the titan._

_"_-_____!”_  

 

"Reiner, Reiner! Wake up!" Bertolt whispered as forcefully as he could.

"_-_____!" Reiner finally cried after a long series of distressed mumbles. He bolted up and instinctively swatted Bertolt away, who had been shaking his shoulder. Bertolt managed to evade him, which was fortunate because he was sitting right in front of your legs and a good knock would've landed him on top of you.

"Reiner..."

"Marcel? _____? Marcel..." Reiner looked around disoriented. He had broken out into a full-body sweat and was panting hard. Daylight broke through enough for Reiner to clearly make out Bertolt and you, still fast asleep in the middle. Reiner shifted so he could place a clammy hand on your shoulder while the other covered his face. His shoulders shook as a short, quiet sob rippled through his body.

"She was Marcel..."

Bertolt wordlessly stepped out and returned with a canteen of water a few minutes later. When he returned, he found Reiner gently tracing his fingertips on your scars, which were about half healed.

"_____'s quite a light sleeper. I'm surprised she hasn't woken up,” Bertolt said as he handed the canteen to Reiner, whose only response was to close his eyes and sigh before taken a few greedy gulps.

"She must be really tired, then."

Bertolt hummed and lightly dressed up and left the tent. After a few moments of observing your steady breathing more, Reiner did the same and joined Bertolt outside.

* * *

I stirred in place in a vain attempt to get comfortable again and avoid the sunlight in order to catch more sleep. But neither were as powerful as the inevitable heart palpitations as I suddenly remembered the mission and how late in the morning it must be. I bolted up and heard light but unknown commotion. I detected a soft thud of footfalls followed by the whiz of retracting 3DMG cables.

"All clear," I made out Bertolt's voice.

Thank the walls. They've been awake but have been checking for the Scouts from the few trees we have here. We must have at least an hour or two to spare, then.

I looked around inside and saw Reiner's button-down next to me in a somewhat messy pile. I grabbed it and wrapped it around. It was big and long enough to go just below my rear. Perfect.

Reiner was just outside preparing a meal near the fire, which had some fresh wood mixed in, I noticed. He sensed my presence and looked at me.

"Morning, er, afternoon, I think," I smiled.

Reiner stared for a moment with a look mixed with admiration and worry. Something about it seemed a little sad and my heart skipped a beat painfully. I did notice a slight blush on his fair skin, however.

I turned to Bertolt. "He woke up with a bit of a start this morning," he answered my unasked question as he tucked away the binoculars.

I frowned and walked over to Reiner and sat on my hip next to him.

"Ooh, what'cha got there?" I tried my best to sound chipper for his sake.

"Found a couple of snakes out here. Fresh meat will do you wonders," Reiner said. He paused awkwardly before saying, "You look really cute in that shirt."

" _Your_ shirt," I teased and lightly bumped him with my shoulder. He smiled and exhaled a breathy chuckle. "So you both ate already?" I nuzzled into his bare arm, careful not to get in the way of him skinning and preparing the serpents.

"Yeah, but we'll eat a little bit more with you to fill up. I also reinforced the packsaddle since it's been shaken up a bit."

"Which explains your shirtlessness," I added matter-of-factly.

"No complains, I'm guessing?" he smirked, which was good to see.

"Nope."

Snake meat had an odd taste to it, but it quickly gave me a burst of energy like I hadn't experienced before. It was incredible and I offered Bertolt and Reiner a bite, but they insisted I have it all since I'd need it the most. I figured, but it was in my nature to at least offer.

After eating some more of what we packed, I returned to the tent to dress up and come out to help the men clean and pack. Luckily we were ready to leave less than an hour from when I awoke. Reiner didn't discuss what woke him up and I didn't press, but I still worried.

* * *

We continued to make excellent time, more so in one session than at any point yesterday. I received indication to stop for a break in the late afternoon. When I reemerged, Reiner said he saw the slightest hint of the outer wall with the binoculars. There was a good possibility we'd reach it by nightfall. I suggested I eat some rations really quick and take a power nap, and they agreed. Hopefully that would be enough to get me through the rest of the day to reach the wall.

* * *

Bertolt had prepared a lantern before we departed again. The moon was waning, barely a sliver of its illuminated side remained. It was sufficient for my titan, but they'd need the lantern as soon as I stopped. My pace had slowed from earlier but was still more than enough. As we neared some forests on either side of me, I detected the wall not too far ahead. I estimated we'd be there sometime in a quarter to half an hour, no more.

"A l m o s t... t h e r e...!" I told them.

No more than five minutes later, however, ever single fiber of my being fired up in an indescribably uncomfortable way. My head bolted up, ears perked, on full alert. I carefully slowed my run to a trot and paused. Bertolt and Reiner's mouths hung open but were wise to not ask what was wrong. This was not far from where doomed souls were dropped off to become mindless titans, after all.

I sniffed loud and deep to locate a scent, my ears turning like radar dishes to pinpoint and get confirmation. I turned towards my left about 45 degrees and carefully walked forward, head lowered, though I did not sense we'd be in danger. Whatever I detected wasn't moving.

My titan's breathing grew slightly more erratic until I stopped completely and slowly laid down. I didn't realize I was shaking until I did so.

I emerged from my titan's nape and reached out a hand.

"Lantern, now," I commanded. Bertolt handed it to me as both men looked to me with fearful curiosity. "Wait here."

I climbed down and began to walk forward of where my titan was facing after taking a huge gulp.

The sound was unmistakable: the slow, raspy breath of a downed mindless titan. As I turned the lantern's flame to its maximum, I stopped in my tracks, frozen at the grotesque sight before me. The body and legs were large, but the head and arms disproportionately small. Even if it could walk, the legs were bowed enough it'd lose balance quickly. The hoarse breathing lead me to believe it was barely viable, even as a mindless titan, but still must have been here for years.

I walked over to its head and nearly choked. The hair and eye color was instantly recognizable. I panted in distress and walked up enough for its eyes to slowly shift onto me.

"...Klaus?" I asked.


	22. No Others

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a most unfortunate encounter, you reach the outer wall of Paradis, but the joy of victory is lacking. Your sorrow allows Reiner to open up about his nightmare prompting reassurance and a much needed evening with him and Bertolt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Drama and angst followed by emotional support and love-making. Perspective will shift for one paragraph to second person POV as we delve into Reiner's thoughts. I just now decided to add it to emphasize emotional intimacy.

He inhaled deeply, still hoarse, and a pained smile curled his lips.

"H e y... y o u..."

My throat closed up tight, tears instantly free-flowed down my cheeks, but I forced my biggest and best smile.

"Hey!" I quietly cried through my open-mouthed grin.

Klaus, as much as he could through the monstrosity, breathed heavier and raspier to force a smile of his own.

"I'm s-sorry... I-I'm here to... f-fix e-everything. ...L-love you." I laughed through my tears.

Klaus's breathing became more erratic and his body convulsed a bit before a single, large tear feel down his face. He died wearing a smile nonetheless. Whenever it was just us, he was talkative, friendly, funny, a hugger. Always happy to see me, and vice versa. We never got close, but we never fight or argued, either. He always made me smile and especially laugh. I wanted him to remember me and leave me that way.

I ran back to my titan, leapt onto it, and scrambled back up as quickly as I could with the lantern in hand. I forced it in Bertolt's general direction for him to take, unable to look at either him or Reiner with my soaked eyes.

"Hang on," I spoke loud to power through my strained voice. "I'm going to burst forward and intend to scale the wall in one bound." They didn't say anything nor did I bother to check. If I had, both would have been speechless anyway. Their mouths hung open in shock, almost horror.

"And cover your ears later. You'll know when," I said, voice deep and harsh before emerging again.

I kept my pace steady and slowed on purpose to save energy until I neared the wall. I gave the men a verbal, animalistic warning before bursting into full speed and leaping onto about a fourth of the wall's height and running up it successfully. I panted hard to recuperate before leveling my head and uttering a long, low growl. Bertolt and Reiner covered their ears as I raised my head and bellowed a long, deep howl.

When completed, I no longer panted. I carefully turned to head towards the nearest flight of stairs that were behind us. I tried to level my backside as much as could for Bertolt and Reiner's sakes as I carefully walked down.

"Forgive me, but I am not sleeping on the fucking top of the wall. Too damn high," I said once I was on the ground after settling my titan down for the night. "And that way no one could easily spot us if they miraculously caught up."

The three of us ate in silence, both men too afraid to address the obvious.

Bertolt was a sweating wreck. First Reiner's nightmare this morning, and now this. He was overwhelmed seeing the two most important people in his life this distressed. On top of that, guilt of being comparatively fine bore down on him. He wanted to take away our pain more than anything.

"Klaus. That was him," I deadpanned when I finished my meal around our campfire. After the thickest silence, I swallowed hard and continued. "Must have been a bad serum, botched injection, who knows. Might've even been intentional. Punishment."

"I'm sorry..." Bertolt whispered. Reiner remained silent; he needn't say anything and felt it was best.

Another moment of deafening silence.

"I'm tired," my voice got even lower. "I'm tired of everything. Tired in every damn sense of the word."

"...I'll do my best," Reiner finally broke silence. It was unexpected enough that Bertolt and I snapped our heads towards him. "I failed as a warrior for too long. I failed Marcel. I failed _as_ Marcel. But I will not let you or anyone else meet his fate."

I cocked an eyebrow, slightly bewildered by his sudden fixation of Marcel whereas Bertolt wasn't.

"I dreamed you were Marcel," Reiner admitted after a bit.

I stared expressionless at him for a moment before getting up to walk over and sit in front of him.

"I'm not. I never will be." I spoke directly to him, my face mere centimeters away from his, but he refused eye contact. "Neither are you." He shifted his gaze on me but his head remained motionless. "You introduced yourself to me as Reiner. And he as Bertolt. That's all I've ever known you two as. I love Bertolt. I love Reiner. No other." I stood on my knees and gently pressed his head on top of my shoulder. He relaxed a bit but kept his arms in his lap.

"We're on the edge of the island with Eren. Our mission as warriors is essentially over." Bertolt spoke and had approached Reiner's other side so quietly, Reiner flinched. "We'll be home tomorrow. Together." Bertolt wore a sad but beautiful smile as Reiner looked up at him. Bertolt laid a hand on his shoulder, hoping to soothe his dearest friend. Reiner hesitated before embracing Bertolt in a hard, one-armed hug and clung tight. He sighed heavily into Bertolt's shoulder before parting and turning back to me. Our eyes finally met and he slowly embraced me with both arms, gradually tightening the hold.

It felt like several minutes had passed until Reiner let go and looked out onto the ocean behind him. He grabbed the lantern and took it with him so he could sit near the edge, water periodically creeping up to him but failing to reach.

Bertolt and I scooted up next to each other. I sighed and leaned into him as we watched Reiner. He looked majestic sitting in front of the ocean yet the vastness of it and the pitch black sky above made even him look fragile and insignificant. I realized more than ever he had insecurities and they were not to be overlooked.

I got up and Bertolt gave my backside a few strong, reassuring strokes before I made my way over to Reiner and sat behind him. I laid my hands on his broad shoulders and kept them there for a moment before lowering his collar to kiss his nape before tending to his tense muscles. He lowered his head in humble gratitude and allowed me to take care of him.

Not one to be left out, Bertolt sat behind me and began doing the same. I heavy moan escaped my throat, perking up Reiner's attention. I panted steadily and lightly as Bertolt's skilled fingers soothed and eased every sore and tired muscle in my backside. Especially after what happened just on the other side of that wall, I needed it more than ever thanks to unexpected emotional stress.

I reached behind me and grabbed one of Bertolt's wrists indicating for him to stop before I turned around and motioned for him to do the same. I tapped on Reiner's shoulder to show him we were turning as Bertolt took off his sweater, leaving just the button-down on. I initially worked Bertolt's back muscles but his tension released easier than Reiner, so I opted to give his backside a good, thorough scratching. His shudder and moans indicated it was a wise decision. Reiner mimicked me expect he earned jolts whenever he'd edge my sides and ribs occasionally. I didn't protest except for the yelps and squeaks that accompanied them. If only I could see Reiner's loving, growing smile.

Suddenly, Bertolt felt my forehead plop down hard against his back and an elongated moan rumbled through my throat onto his spine. He turned his head but couldn't see what Reiner had done. I responded by showing Bertolt myself: I snaked my hands past his ribs, onto his chest and flayed our my fingers in a vain attempt to greedily grab and massage his breasts with my own small hands. Bertolt shuddered a sigh and tensed from arousal. Bertolt jumped hard in his seat and yelped when he felt my teeth bite into his spine as a high-pitched whine beat on his skin through his shirt. My fingers found their way to Bertolt's already pert nipples, and I teased them through the fabric. He bit off a swear, and I whined again hearing his pleasure manifest as Reiner focused on my own nipples teasingly.

I uttered a short, loud moan and sat up, grabbing one of Bertolt's wrists to wordlessly tell him to get up with me. Our fingers interlaced, and I waved Reiner towards me, who got up and took my other hand. We made our way to the nearby tent and got in after getting fully undressed outside. Reiner kept the lantern just outside the opening to help maximize light with the help of the campfire.

* * *

* * *

The three of us knelt inside. I found myself in between them once again. Reiner moved first, pressing himself against my backside. He tilted my head up and to the side so we could passionately kiss. I wrapped my arms up and above, loosely locking them behind his head. I eyed Bertolt, and he leaned in to pepper my stomach with kisses as Reiner found his hands on my chest again. Bertolt sat down in front of us to get more comfortable as he focused on my belly button and massaged my hips deep with his fingers. Long, breathy pants escaped my mouth, much to both men's delight.

A minute or two later, I squealed as Bertolt's thumb and fingers made their way to the junctions between my nether lips and inner thighs, and he began massaging there, prompting me to spread my thighs apart more.

Bertolt looked up and gently pressed me with his free hand into Reiner more, who lowered himself to sit on his ankles. I leaned into Reiner and whined loudly as he spread my knees further apart and took firm holds of my wrists on his sides. Bertolt lowered himself towards my core and his long arms easily found my ankles and pinned them down.

I felt helpless being bound by them both, yet it excited me immensely. I whined almost painfully as Bertolt's tongue flicked my clitoris a few times before giving it a teasingly long kiss. My body initially twitched then settled into small squirms and shivers as Bertolt continued to tease and deny all over my core relentlessly.

"Shhh..." I was pleading wordlessly so much, Reiner had to soothe me. I focused hard on my panting instead, then yelped and buckled as Reiner gave my lower back a quick tickle so he could lay his hardening cock comfortably up and between us. He peppered the crook of my neck with hard kisses as an apology before securing my wrists again.

Bertolt finally released his assault and sat up to look at me. My eyes were heavy and half-lidded, lips thick, red, and quivering slightly with need. Bertolt leaned in and stole my lips so he could catch my moans and his fingers slid down then up inside just enough to tease and prep me. As he pressed my torso towards himself a little more, Reiner took advantage of the opened space and easily prepped himself thanks to the sight and sounds directly in front of him.

Bertolt broke off, looked at Reiner over my shoulder and gave him one nod. Reiner grunted in acknowledgement and shifted onto his knees again and positioned us. My arms wrapped around his neck again but this time digging my fingers into his skin for support. He growled approvingly as he reached in front with one hand, the other on his cock, and together slowly began to ease himself into me.

I winced initially and forced myself to relax with heavy, rhythmic pants. The position made adjusting to his thick member more difficult than last time. As Reiner struggled to ease into me as slowly as he could possibly handle, he reached to my clitoris and rubbed circles on and around it. My walls contracted around him and he slammed his teeth against my shoulder and growled a "fuck..."

"Good, very good," Bertolt encouraged as he locked eyes on our expressions as Reiner began to ease himself in and out in slow, deep thrusts. Bertolt helped ease my tension by running his finger pads gently all over my exposed stomach, breasts, and thighs. I shivered hard against his delicate touches. As Reiner picked up pace, his fingers dug deeper into my hips and his grunts became louder and more frequent.

As I got more and more lost in Reiner's motions, I pressed my head against him and chanted his name breathily into the air. "Reiner... Reiner... R-Reiner..."

Bertolt broke off and observed, eyes wide with lust as he began to stroke himself.

Reiner kept a steady pace as he recalled your words to him not too long ago. "Amazing friend, lover, everything." Funny, he could say the exact same about you. Few could possibly understand and support him. Most of the time, in all honesty, it was just Bertolt. He spent the better years of his life among those who'd want him dead on the spot if they knew what he was. Yet as soon as you found out, you had no issues. You immediately understood. You even broke down knowing the struggle of a Warrior, even taking in some guilt and blame for his personal hell. And here you are, wrapped around him, chanting his name as if it was meant to be. His heart swelled realizing how far you two have come. Fuck it: he's gonna say it. It only feels right. Reiner slammed into you harder and faster, the sound of his hips against your ass dominating inside the tent.

"_____, I love you..." he breathed against the skin in the crook of my neck before picking up a feral pace as I moaned higher and louder in response. He suddenly shifted and held my hips up and slid out, grabbed his shaft covered in my arousal, sat back down and stroked himself furiously to finish himself off. I quickly turned around and got on my hands and knees in front of him, and he immediately let go so I could take care of him. Bertolt was now right behind me, and I spread my thighs apart wide. Bertolt got the message and held onto one side of my hips with one hand but continued to prep himself, choosing to watch me work Reiner first.

"Nnngh, fuh... fuck..." Reiner moaned as he tried to lick off his hand as my mouth engulfed his head and hand grabbed his shaft and easily pumped it. He bit into his dirty hand hard, growling into it as the other slammed onto the floor of the tent, grabbing into it until his knuckles turned white. He erratically bounced in place, shallow thrusts pumping into my mouth.

As I repeatedly flicked my wrist to twist my hand on his shaft, I hummed hard against Reiner's head and he hitched his breath before it silenced and his body stiffened. I caught and swallowed his load before removing myself from him but left enough saliva on his overly sensitive head to give him a good polishing. Reiner slammed both of his hands onto the ground with great force. He cried out a plethora of swears through clenched jaws before forcing my hands off of him. He fell to his side and cursed at me, though not out of too much anger. I gave him a sly smile and licked my lips clean while returning the "I love you" he just gave me. I then moaned in anticipation of Bertolt finishing us off.

Bertolt was more than ready, and my core was even more aroused and prepared after over-pleasuring Reiner. Bertolt motioned for me to turn so we'd be parallel to Reiner, who was exhausted and remained where he laid but kept eyes on us. I reached down and parted my swollen, wet lips, and Bertolt slid himself in and began thrusting right away.

He dragged out a moan as he filled me and I laid down and propped myself up on my forearms. Bertolt remained over me supporting himself on his hands. I rolled my hips from side to side seductively, more for show and intimacy, and Bertolt gladly followed through, panting against my head.

"Damn, you two make it look like an art form," Reiner praised.

I uttered a breathy chuckle as Bertolt attempted to grab the shell of my ear with his teeth. I moaned and lowered my head and Bertolt's breath graced the back of my neck.

"Ooh, sh-shit...!" I shuddered.

"I saw  _that_!" Reiner laughed.

"Yeah, I _felt_ that," Bertolt laughed back. Reiner laughed even harder.

"Oh, goddamn it," I giggled as Bertolt went back to planting hot breath, kisses, and flicks of his tongue on my extremely sensitive neck. As my walls clenched around him, he began thrusting into me more, relishing in the additional friction. "B-Bertolt, please...!" I begged for mercy as he nibbled on my nape and across my shoulders.

I sang a long moan as our lewd sounds filled the air. I lowered my bust and rested my head in my forearms as I lifted my hips up to slam them against Bertolt, who gave approving grunts and moans. Bertolt hummed loud as his lifted himself up onto his knees and guided my ass up as I pulled in my thighs. My fully pert and rounded ass was a gorgeous sight for Bertolt as he greedily grabbed and squeezed as much of it as he could while slamming into me.

As he picked up pace, he hunched forward closer once again, and I pressed down until I was laying fully on my stomach. Bertolt snuck a hand underneath and pulled my hips up slightly to get a better angle. The other reached for the back of my hand and our fingers intertwined as he slammed into me harder and faster directly into the ground. The waves my thighs and ass made as Bertolt beat me down were hypnotic to Reiner, who looked on hungrily while lazily stroking himself. Bertolt's hand pressed against my lower abdomen, and he was awarded to breathy, high pitched moans as he was able to hit my G-spot.

"Hah... ah... Ber-Bertolt..." I whined.

Bertolt strained his voice as he sent his last erratic pushes into me, "Nnnngh, ah... I love you..." he groaned before my body stiffened and shook, my orgasm releasing around him. I cried out, my body convulsing underneath him. My contracting walls sent him over the edge, and he stiffened before groaning into my nape before releasing and gently collapsing on top of me. He rolled onto his side so we'd be facing Reiner before pulling out.

Bertolt managed to prop his head up enough to receive a deep but tired kiss from me. "I love you, too," I whispered before we locked lips one last time. I had to pull his arms off of me to excuse myself, but I could barely walk. The journey here did no favors, so I opted to crawl.

I managed to walk back in, barely, and crawled back into my usual spot in between them. Reiner, nearly fully recovered, was content getting lost in my eyes as he stroked my face, tenderly tracing lines over my scars. I suddenly remembered wearing them and became uncomfortable as my head jolted in a sad attempt to look away. Reiner forced my face towards him, his eyes boring into me. My heart skipped a beat as they pierced my soul. He closed the gap for a reassuring kiss, and I moaned in gratitude.

Bertolt hummed and pressed up against my backside harder and gave the top of my head tender pecks. He fell asleep first, gentle snores resonating. I shot my eyes towards him above me back to Reiner and silently giggled at him. Reiner did the same, shaking his head, and pecked my lips before sitting up to blow out the lantern outside and return to me. He scooted himself lower to press his head in between my breasts and managed to fall asleep not long after I started petting the back of his head. I did so until I couldn't anymore and drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've spoiled y'all with weekly updates, but this is by far the latest one. Forgive me; not that my classes are hard this semester, just time consuming and the first wave of midterms is underway. But I feel especially bad given I've gotten more Kudos and a couple of bookmarks. Huge thanks, it means the world to me.
> 
> Also, anticipate more delays as I need to rewrite the plot a lot more coming up and haven't have time to do so, especially since I tweak even as I upload.
> 
> Take care, lots of love. I hope you consider this a belated Valentine's moment with your favorite Warriors.


	23. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a good morning with Bertolt and Reiner, the three of you finally return to Liberio. A brief meeting with the War Chief winds up being worse than you could have imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swears, mention of a heavily implied plan to be used for sexual gratification without consent.

Reiner awoke first and rolled onto his back with a heavy sigh. For once, he dreamed of nothing. Nothing horrible, nothing good. Just nothing. A deep, sound sleep. It wasn't ideal, but damn if his damaged brain didn't consider that perfect. He heard a moan and felt me shift as I stirred awake.

"'Ow early is it? Is it too late? I mean..." I mumbled, trying to gather my thoughts.

"Not very, and no. Few ferries have a need to come out here, only to drop off would-be titans. If we even get one today, it'd be sometime midday. No need to do so first thing in the morning."

I hummed indicating I was satisfied with his answer and forced myself to get up and excuse myself.

Once I was out, Reiner faced Bertolt, who had stopped snoring but was still mostly asleep.

"Hey, Bertl."

"Hmm," Bertolt hummed so forcefully, it almost sounded like a honk.

"Why do girls always go to the bathroom after sex?"

Bertolt hummed the tune of 'I don’t know.' "T'clean? Pee?" he murmured.

"Eh, both," I clarified nonchalantly as I re-enter the tent, loosely wearing the minimum of my clothes. "If the former was unnecessary, peeing afterwards prevents urinary tract infections."

"O-oh..." Reiner said flatly, not quite expecting such a detailed answer.

"Clean up, yeah," I continued. "And you both know you've been pressing down directly on my bladder, right? The sweet spot in _right_ behind it. I'm actually amazed I haven't—never mind," I stopped myself. Even I couldn't bring myself to delve into _that_ topic yet. And judging by their faces, I spoke enough already. Reiner gawked and looked towards Bertolt, who simply stared with wide eyes.

"What?" I asked, embarrassed. "Not my fault you two are fucking a woman of science. I'm blunt."

Bertolt curled a shit-eating grin and laughed into his pillow. "We knooow..."

Reiner face-palmed and silently laughed in his hand. He got up and left the tent but not before ruffling up my hair so hard I wobbled in my seat. I heard clothing shuffle as he dressed outside.

"Ugh, don't make me regret getting involved with you two!" I yelled towards him. Facing the opening, I didn't realize Bertolt sat up until I felt him wrap around my torso, effectively enveloping me. He didn't bother supporting himself though, and we toppled over onto our sides.

"Don't worry, your sudden contrasting attitude is enduring," he breathed behind my ear.

"I hate you," I pouted.

"Really...?" he purred as a hand made its way down my chest, parted my unbuttoned blouse, and spread over my bare stomach.

"AH! Ah, no, I love you! IloveyouIloveyou—" but it was futile.

"Okay, explain _this_ ," he teased before assaulting my stomach with tickles.

I yelped loudly. "AH! Th-there's—a-ha-ctually a c-cuh-huh-uple of th-theorie-hee-hee-hees—REINER! Hel-el-heh-heh-elp!" I called.

Reiner approached and parted the opening. "Breakfast?" he asked looking at us unfazed with a smile.

"Yes, please," Bertolt said with a sly smile on his face.

"Alright, come on out, it won't take me long."

I simply wailed and cussed Reiner out as he left.

"Hey, you're lucky I didn't come in and help Bertl. You didn't say to help you!" Reiner called out.

Bertolt burst out laughing and released me. I scrambled away from him and left the tent haughtily. "No, thank you. I would surely die. Why are boys like this?!" I asked rhetorically as I plopped down across from Reiner by the dwindling but determined campfire.

"Because we like you, and it's called flirting," Reiner smirked, looking up at me.

"I know," I sighed and smiled.

Bertolt came over and sat near us once dressed.

"No nightmares last night?" I asked.

"No, thankfully. I slept very well last night," Reiner sighed in relief. Bertolt looked on him just as relieved and happy.

"At the risk of sounding corny, last night was beautiful. I think we needed that," Reiner continued.

"Mmm, yes," I hummed, hugging my knees. "I believe it was the first time you said you loved me in the throes of passion, yes?" I looked on him with wistful eyes.

Reiner cleared his throat, "Y-yes." The faintest shade of pink dusted his cheeks. _Look at this man,_ I thought. _Big, strong, protective, honorable, flirty, manly. Yet I remember he would mutter 'gotta marry her' within earshot of Bertolt and I at the slightest act of kindness Krista would show him._

I looked back over at my titan and quickly changed the subject to spare Reiner further embarrassment. "So how big _are_ these ferries?"

Reiner sighed quizzically and looked at Bertolt. "They _can_ be big, but..."

"Ones dropping off Eldian titans are more of what we're use to within the walls. I doubt we could bring your titan," Bertolt explained.

"Fine with me," I said flatly. "Guess we could try to bring as much of what we packed along with Jaeger. It should decay before anyone arrives here, too; _if_ they do. I'm starting to miss walking on two legs anyway."

* * *

After eating, the next few hours dragged as nothing eventful occurred.

Bertolt grabbed the binoculars more out of boredom and looked out onto the ocean. He sat still before scrambling to his feet and focused the lenses with his nimble fingertips. He sprinted towards the flight of stairs along the wall and ran up about a dozen steps for confirmation. He leapt down and trotted towards Reiner and I.

"A ferry's coming."

I broke away and reemerged into my titan only to regurgitate Eren. Bertolt and Reiner made quick work getting him out of the burlap sack while I exited my current titan for the last time. Reiner got fresh ropes and helped securing Eren's limbs, gagged him with a piece of cloth, then set Eren's whole self onto Bertolt's back, who carried him easily.

We stood near the nearest dock and waited for the ferry's arrival. As the ferry crept closer, my anxiety grew. It was becoming all too real. We'd soon meet with Marley soldiers and there was no turning back to our lives in Paradis with the 104th.

As it approached, the two soldiers, having only a couple of Eldians with them, kept fixed gazes on us until the ferry docked. They mumbled quizzically to each other.

"State your names," one said.

Reiner did so, and I noticed their eyes shot wide open when my name was called. I gulped.

"Wait here, we'll be back..." the other said, both making a point to flash their rifles at us should we do anything they didn't approve of.

I panted slightly hearing the unmistakable yells and screams of people falling over the edge of the wall and transforming into their doomed forms. Bertolt reached a hand out and squeezed tightly onto one of mine and held on until the soldiers came back down.

"Someone's been waiting for _you_ ," one smirked.

"Oh, I'm sure," I frowned. "I brought 'im a present, too."

"We've retrieved the Coordinate," Reiner said flatly. "We couldn't have done so easily without her help. I'm sure she'll become an even more valuable asset to Marley."

"That's not up to us to decide," the other sighed. "Let's get outta here. You can bring your things. Not _that_ thing, obviously," his head motioning towards my titan.

* * *

The journey back was uncomfortably long and quiet. Both soldiers took hold of Eren while keeping an eye on the three of us. I couldn't help but start to doze off despite being emotionally uneasy.

It was early evening by the time we arrived. The two soldiers told others to give the higher ups proper warning of our arrival while we took our time being escorted. Eren was ordered to be contained right away.

I did my best to maintain composure as we waited for Zeke in the lobby of a Marley government office, which didn't take nearly as long as I expected.

"Ah, sorry to keep you all waiting. I came as quickly as soon as I heard!" Zeke panted with a wide grin on his face. "Reiner, Bertolt, good to have you back. Excellent job!" he walked towards us at a brisk pace. "And you, my dear..." he eyed my features completely entranced and immediately started examining my fading titan scars with his fingers just as much with his eyes.

"I missed you, too," I said with a hint of sarcasm.

"Enough to risk coming back, yes."

I scoffed.

"Small world, eh? Who would have thought you three would have met," he eyed the men before looking back down on me. "You caused a bit of a mess here when you left, you know. Lost records and data, tsk, tsk, tsk. Good news is you can begin working again right away and aiding us, but that is not to say you'll go unpunished."

I cocked an eyebrow in a vain attempt to hide my fear.

"Don't worry, my dear, not by much. The two idiots who dragged you along were punished much worse. They weren't nearly as valuable as you are. I'm thinking run some tests then have you out in the field as your titan to observe its abilities, yes?"

"Tests _then_ the field... What kind of tests other than field?"

“Well, you may be a tad beyond your prime, but you still have many years ahead of you to be bred with our finest warriors, yes?"

"I'm infertile," I spat.

"And how are you so sure..." he challenged me.

I cocked an eyebrow and snickered. "Look at me, do you think experimenting on myself had zero negative side effects? I cannot remember the last time I bled, either."

Zeke's face fell, only partially satisfied with my answer. He looked up and eyed Bertolt and Reiner. Reiner managed to keep a straight face, but Bertolt's eyes widen and he gulped.

Zeke's face remained expressionless sans his own slightly cocked eyebrow. "That’s what the tests are for, my dear. Even if you're not, well... We'll see. That was Magath's initial suggestion. I have doubts. His face was as straight and serious suggesting perhaps you could be utilized if not for business then for pleasure." He said it as if his words would have zero impact on my psyche. I had never heard such a horrifyingly implication in my life. Surely he wasn't implying _that_ would be my punishment...

"Not my idea," he sighed. "My girls deserve better, but..." he couldn't think of much more to add. Even war chiefs have little say when Marley makes plans.

"Again, so good to see all of you again _and_ with Eren," his voice lowered and flattened. "I'd hate to cut this reunion short, but it is late. Feel free to treat yourselves to dinner. You'll be assigned living arrangements soon."

As we were escorted out, we were given our Marley armbands to wear immediately.

* * *

"I'll be fine," I deadpanned. Dinner was quiet and thick with tension and unease as the three of us ate alone, a guard just outside the room. Having much better food than on Paradis for the first time in months, years for them, was barely enjoyed, however. Reiner was extremely tense while Bertolt resorted back to his old nervous, sweaty self. It pained me to see him like this, but it was foolish of me to think any of us deserved a fairly normal, happy life. "I bet I'd suffer worse if I remained behind the walls." That much was true, at least. I was probably just catastrophizing things in my head again. It's been a hell of a first day. I was determined to make our lives better starting tomorrow.

Reiner scoffed, and I shot him an ice cold stare. We were cautious to give any kind of hint of our intimate relationship so we chose to be even more careful about giving ourselves away than on the island as a precaution.

"I said I'll be fine."

* * *

Unsurprisingly, Reiner and Bertolt got their own quarters without me. Their own beds in the same room, desk and chair. Modest. I got a similar room but had it all to myself. It was deafeningly quiet. My stomach did flips as everything in my mind piled up and being alone exacerbated things. I wanted nothing more to be held by either of them at the moment.

"Wh-what d-d-do y-you think he meant by 'if not f-for business'...?!" Bertolt stuttered, voice cracking, pacing nervously all over the room.

"You know exactly what he meant," Reiner shot back angrily. "What worse punishment could one endure and survive..." he clasp his hand painfully on his face, shaking in an effort to not ram a fist through a wall.

Bertolt collapsed sitting on the edge of his bed, covered his face with both hands and tried to quiet his sobs as much as possible.

"Huh-how a-am I even supposed t-to... fall asleep w-without her...?" he cried.

"I know, I know, Bertolt. I was getting accustomed, as well. We'll just have to trust her and hope for the best. They can't hurt her too much. She's still a researcher and a shifter. She'll be much more useful as those than uh—anything else." He almost said "toy," but thankfully caught himself sparing Bertolt a possible mental image with the dehumanizing phrase. "Zeke is still a warrior. He knows first-hand the tolls being a titan takes. And he's always been pretty affectionate towards the likes of Annie and Pieck. He may be an eccentric lunatic at times, but he isn't a bastard to those he knows."

Reiner got out of his bed to sit at the desk closer to Bertolt, keeping his voice low.

"Just one day at a time. We're just getting started here."

Bertolt's sobs had died down and his body shook in an attempt to recover. He laid on his side and got into a fetal position, hoping he'd pass out soon. He heard Reiner quietly get up, walk over to his bed, then felt his presence return. Bertolt's bloodshot eyes peered open.

"Here, I don't need it. I can use the corner of the blanket and my arm," Reiner said while handing Bertolt his pillow.

"Th-th-thank you..." a few more tears flowed down in gratitude. Bertolt immediately held it against his chest and squeezed tight, holding onto it for dear life. Reiner nodded and covered him in the blanket since Bertolt hadn't bothered to do so himself. He managed to fall asleep quickly, surprisingly, having exhausted himself.

It took Reiner at least an hour to do so himself. Missing a pillow had nothing to do with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys think writing Bertolt is hard, try writing Zeke. Ho'boy. I rewrote him a bit to make him less of an ass, but just a lil'. He apparently calls all the girls "-chan" in the raw scans, so he seems partial to female warriors, so I wanted to keep that in his character. So he's much less accepting of Reader being used here. Plus, Magath is a much older dude. Maybe he'd be more into a military mindset of 'gotta keep the boys satisfied in this time of war.' I hope you found the way I wrote Zeke satisfactory. I do try to keep the characters as close to canon as possible, and it's a legitimate concern enough to cause a bit of anxiety.
> 
> Edit: Forgot to mention Reiner's "why do girls..." question was heavily inspired by a similar one he posed in the Junior High series. It was so pure, adorable, and enduring, I loved it and paid homage to it here.


	24. Under Your Spell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After working so hard for weeks getting back in your routines in Liberio, you three finally get to meet up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler, more or less. Only warning is the usual swears.

The next several days flew by, much like when I was in the Scouts except I was on my own for about twice as long. Tests were ran on me immediately to check my current health given I had recently shifted, plus pregnancy and fertility.

Most of the week after that was spent getting reintroduced to my work, being asked if I could recreate what was lost. I was honest and said I'd do my best. I often overheard about Eren and my ears burned. I feared I, Bertolt, or Reiner would be asked to see him ourselves at any moment. I worried because if he was truly the coordinate, he could release some of its power if he was angry enough with us; and I'm sure he would be. I recalled reading reports of times he transformed often when he was emotionally charged enough.

The third week was spent in the fields. I had worked alongside Pieck since my titan was most comparable to hers. When in my human form, I often spoke with her and Porco since he's expected to regain the Jaw one day. They were intriguing people, especially Pieck. I was in awe of not only Cartman's beautifully grotesque form, but her mask and gatling gun and loving and supportive panzer unit gave me joy. In the back of my mind, though, knowing that Ymir holds the Jaw made me sick. She needs to be acquired and devoured as soon as possible. But she is the only possible person to understand Reiner, Bertolt, and I.

The next two weeks both dragged and flew by as I reoriented myself. It wasn't until recently that I was granted a little more freedom and clear evenings. After some asking around, I arranged to finally meet up with Bertolt and Reiner, who I usually saw in passing, if I was lucky.

We arranged to meet in town not far from where we were all stationed at a bar and dining district. As soon as I saw both of them within eye shot approaching our rendezvous point, it took everything in me not to wail, but I did bolt and run towards them. I crashed into Bertolt's wide, open arms and he immediately held me up, my legs wrapping around him just as quickly. He breathed heavily into the crook of neck, both relishing my scent and fighting back tears. He settled me down, only for Reiner to pick me right up and twirl me around. I giggled hard into him as my legs flew out.

It was implied that there was much to discuss, so we made our way to a seedy bar, one where the bartenders wouldn't care who or what was there or overheard. Those places tend to have experienced bartenders and good drinks, too.

"How have you been feeling? Are you well? Are you okay?" Bertolt spewed a slew of all essentially the same questions while grasping my hands into his on the small, rounded table we were seated at.

"Yes, yes I am, I am," I reassured, though I felt rushed to elaborate so my answers sounded less sincere than they were. "But before I begin, you two are fine, as well?" I eyed them both back and forth. Bertolt nodded while Reiner confirmed verbally.

"For the most part, I'm right, I'm infertile. But technically, more like 97.5% or 98%. Nothing's 100%, after all." I kept my gaze down intentionally, but I couldn't help but glance up. Reiner looked simply surprised while Bertolt was wide-eyed, and I swore I saw a sheen of wetness in his eyes. I cleared my throat and looked away. "Zeke and I quickly made a case against using me in any way. Imagine if got knocked up: I'd be out of work as a researcher and titan for too long. That kind of work is better suited for civilians. I said for those same reasons, I would make a terrible concubine, and they agreed. I could easily get exhausted and sick. My body will not be used in that way."

"Oh, thank gods..." Reiner exhaled and slouched in his seat. Bertolt simply pressed his forehead against our hands and panted in relief.

"The perks of Zeke's affections. The thought crossed Magath's mind, he spat it out, kind of half-assed judging by his enthusiasm discussing it. It sounded like a good idea on paper..." I snickered at my own dark joke.

"_____..." Bertolt sighed.

"I'm sorry. You know me, though. Gotta laugh this shit off."

Bertolt looked up, and a very warm, sweet smile crept his face. I noticed both men kept their beards but were well-groomed now that we were home.

"Bertolt and I got promoted. Vice commanders," Reiner chimed in. He smiled but it looked less cocky and more proud and confident. It was quite beautiful, to be honest.

"That's great!" I squealed and scrambled out of my seat and hop around and embrace them. "What did I tell ya, you've both worked for hard and sacrificed so much!"

"Thanks," Reiner nodded. "Have you been able to see Eren yet?"

"No," I sighed. "I fear he will react, and it could trigger a reaction of sorts. He's already shown to be irrational even now; wait 'til he finds out who you two are and where he is."

"They do plan to act in the near future to retrieve the rest and invade," Bertolt spoke. "Our return gave them some more time, however, since they're in a more secure position than before our return."

I nodded. "Makes sense." I paused. "Surely you two have realized that we'll lose Ymir..." I gulped. Reiner just sighed and hung his head. Bertolt nodded and he frowned, darting his eyes about. "I can only hope I won't have to witness that..."

My eyes shot open wider and my head bolted up. "Have you seen your families?"

Bertolt looked at Reiner, who sighed heavily. "Yeah. I saw my cousin Gabi and her family. My mother has expressed her pride in me. It felt..." he looked up and away blinked rapidly a bit, "surreal but good."

I smiled wide, happy to hear that.

Silence fell until Bertolt spoke. "I..." was all he could utter at first. Reiner kept a protective eye on him. "I s-saw my father, but he's not doing well."

"I'm so sorry...!" My mouth hung open. "Is there anything I can do?"

"N-no, he's being taken care of the best they can. I d-did enlist into the warrior program for him, after all."

My mouth hung open slightly. Being at a loss for words stung. I loved the man more than anything, felt like I've known him forever, yet moments like these made me realize how little we've actually known each other. What can one really say?

"A-and a-actually..." Bertolt began. He began fidgeting. "I-I told him about y-you."

I gulped, eyes widened.

"W-would you l-like to m-meet him...?"

I struggled to get the words out. "Y-yes, of course...!"  _He's_... I thought, _so serious about me...?! I mean, not that we aren't but..._ It felt so surreal and yet it did not.

My gaze turned towards Reiner, then Bertolt followed suit. Reiner had this sly smirk curling his mouth, head resting playfully into his fist as his elbow rested on the table.

"What?!" Bertolt choked. "Don't you think--wouldn't you--Ugh..." he groaned in defeat as Reiner simply snickered loudly as Bertolt's vain attempt to explain himself.

"Your turn, Reiner," I smirked. "How's your family?"

Reiner shrugged. "Same ol' same ol'. Mom's proud, my cousin Gabi is actually an excellent Warrior-in-training. Don't think Ma is worth meeting quite yet, she can be pretty rough around the edges," he elbowed Bertolt teasingly, who choked again in response. "But you should definitely meet Gabi. I think she'll get a kick outta you. You'll like her, she's a tough lil' thing with tons of spunk."

"Haha, sounds great," I smiled.

"...What about yours?" Bertolt's asked for himself and Reiner's curiosity. I simply shrugged and smiled.

"Just me, myself, and I."

Bertolt's eyes widened, and Reiner cocked a curious eyebrow.

"I've been on my own for most of my life. If they're still alive, I wouldn't know."

"_____..." Reiner began. "I'm sorry, I—"

I shrugged. "No need to be. I've managed fine on my own most of my life. I bounced around some regions here and there and wound up in Liberio. Nothing to be sorry about. I enjoy my freedom. I mean, how many sheltered people do you know could sail to Paradis and roam it for years by herself? I had no family obligations."

"I see..." Bertolt thought aloud.

I grew embarrassed; this was the first time I spoke of my family history, or lack thereof. "Forgive me, but I guess the reason why the topic was never broached was because there isn't much to say," I awkwardly rubbed my nape. "I know it's an important part of getting to know someone, so forgive me for only telling you until now. I didn't think of it until I asked you two about yours."

"It's understandable," Reiner reassured, shaking his head. "We should be heading back right about now. It's getting late."

We all got up, went to pay our tabs and bills, and left together. The men flanked me, Bertolt keeping a gentle, cautious hand pressed between my shoulders.

"I'm coming back with you two," I said matter-of-factly. Bertolt gave me a nervous look.

"What?" I cocked an eyebrow at him. "What are they gonna do? We're all settled in, you two are promoted. I've been losing a shit ton of sleep alone. If they want me at my prime, I need both of your presence."

"Heh, true," Reiner grinned. "If anything, we have more freedom to do what we want here than back behind the walls. Chances are, something as minute as that can be arranged ourselves without needing permission."

"M-maybe we could get a room large enough for three beds..." Bertolt thought out loud, his free thumb and forefinger pressed pensively on his chin. Reiner quieted his guffaw, which surprised Bertolt because he was completely serious. Reiner gave him a hard, hearty pat on the back above me.

"Why do we need three?" I snickered. This time, Bertolt had to stiffen a giggle as Reiner released his pent-up laughter. It was good to see all of us laugh again. Hopefully the worst of our integration was over.

* * *

Sure enough, the three of us made our way back to their quarters without incident. No one was even around. We passed by some soldiers on the way back but, they only caught an unassuming glance at us. Usually they'd visually investigate more, but perhaps Bertolt's and Reiner's heroism and newfound ranking gave them celebrity-like status.

When the door clicked closed after all three of us walked in, I turned to embrace Bertolt once again. He did the same and swayed us in place on our feet before he knelt down to cover as much as me as he could in his arms. He sighed heavily before getting up, passing me to Reiner, and going to his bed to begin undressing. Reiner gave me a tight bearhug before scooping me up and carrying me to his bed. He sat me down perpendicular to him, slightly bent knees on his lap. He began to undress me as I sighed and leaned against his side and shoulder.

"Don't worry, I'll hand you over to Bertl soon," Reiner pecked my temple. "That way I can get my pillow back," he smirked in Bertolt's direction. My eyes popped open and looked at the head of Reiner's bed, then Bertolt's.

"Ugh, shit, I'm sorry..." I moaned sleepily into Reiner's shoulder before he pressed me off to remove all the garments on my torso.

"Don't be, I got a couple of pillows on either side of me," he smiled, eyeing his firm, muscular shoulders and biceps. "Plus, Bertl really needed something. He was pretty much a wreck, as you can imagine."

I sighed, feeling a bit too guilty to look as Bertolt just yet. Thankfully, it didn't take us all long to get nude. I gave Reiner a long, tender kiss goodnight. I parted but he closed the gap again to give me a couple more harder, hungrier ones. I sighed, happy to oblige. He let me go and gave my lower back a gentle scratch as I walked over to Bertolt, more than ready to welcome me in. I motioned for the extra pillow first because Bertolt had already forgotten about it and apologized. I shook my head and quietly laughed before tossing it to Reiner, who caught it easy.

We pressed together, his chest to my back, and Bertolt wrapped as much of his body around me as possible. I sighed so loud and contently, it was surreal.

"So you haven't been sleeping well, either?" Reiner asked, who was facing us.

Bertolt sighed so heavily into the back of neck, I shivered and gooseflesh grew. He apologized by repeatedly kissing it gently.

I hummed a 'nuh-uh.' "I was so afraid my worst fears of punishment would happen. In addition to settling back in," I sighed. "And when you're accustomed to being alone most of your life but suddenly find yourself not one, but two people who frequent your side..."

"Yeah..." Reiner agreed. I suddenly yearned for Reiner to be next to me as much as Bertolt upon saying that out loud.

"It's been a long month and then some, but we're well settled in now. Things should be easier from here on out," Reiner consoled. He was interrupted by Bertolt's light snores. "Especially now that we're well rested."

I could hear the smile in Reiner's words, and I giggled quietly before drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sudden influx of Kudos helped me get this one out. Thank you all for your patience.
> 
> Just picked out the title; the lyrics of "Under Your Spell" fit well with how distraught you three were at the end of the last chapter, plus having been too busy working to see each other properly ('don't eat, don't sleep, do nothing but think of you').
> 
> Also, despite this not being done, I keep toying with the idea of a modern AU where you three are at University, you hook up with Reiner first and drama n' such unfolds with you three. Does that sound like something y'all like? It's an idea I've been playing with for awhile. It'd be fun to see where it goes if I start writing it.


	25. Not a Praying Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief meeting gives a lasting impression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, plot-driven chapter. Swears and some physical violence warnings.

Reiner woke up first, having easily settled into a solid sleep schedule within the first week of being back. He was surprised to find Bertolt and I in essentially the same sleeping position we entered into last night. He approached and gave my shoulder a good shake.

I hummed a greeting. Bertolt gave one loud snore before settling back into quieter ones.

"Shower?"

I hummed a 'nuh-uh.'

"Alright, but regardless, you two need to be awake by the time I get out."

A few minutes later, I groaned and forced myself awake to the gentle sound of the water beating down in the shower. I sat up onto the edge of the bed and rubbed my face hard to wake it up. I turned a bit towards Bertolt and lovingly caressed his cheek and petted his hair until he stirred. I smiled and began to get dressed.

"Not gonna shower?" Reiner asked, walking back in nude and vigorously drying his hair with a towel.

"No," I said getting on my shoes on Reiner's bed, almost fully dressed. "I like to shower at night. Did last night before meeting up with you two. I hate the idea of getting into bed dirty."

Reiner snickered loudly intentionally, prompting Bertolt to giggle in his pillow. I shook my head at them with a smile curled on my lips.

"C'mon Bertl, we got a meeting soon," Reiner reminded him. Bertolt groaned and forced himself to sit up.

"I just wanna sleep more..." he said, rubbing his eyes.

"Me, too," I sighed. "But thank the walls we have coffee here, I've missed that stuff so damn much." That alone gave me more motivation to get to the lab.

* * *

My morning work went by smooth and quick, well, as quick as you could run experiments, anyway. Some had to sit for a while. Can't rush gel electrophoresis, after all.

Out of nowhere, Zeke called me by name to garner my attention. He asked if I was free for awhile and I said 'yes.' I was surprised to have met with Bertolt and Reiner.

"Looks like we're meeting with Eren already," Reiner said with a slightly lowered tone.

"Are you serious?! For what?" I asked, nervous anger letting itself known in my voice.

"They want to see what he'd say and how he'd react," Bertolt explained. "Since he knew us."

"Tsk, this won't go well," I spat.

"This is why I'll be there to monitor," Zeke said with an air of confidence and ease.

We were told Eren had been awake for only about half a week; he was still out for a while and the tests they ran on him did no favors waking him up. He was kept in a holding facility until he was deemed safe and manageable.

We were brought in and once arrived, the escort left. The area was still monitored 24-7. They'd need it.

I motioned for the others to wait.

"Let me see him first," I said quietly. "He'll be furious with me. Hopefully he'll burn out a bit before firing off at you two." I heard a loud shuffle and scramble from around a corner to where Eren was being held.

"If you think it's best," Zeke sighed. "He was rather short with me initially," he scratched behind his ear. "But given the history he has with you three, I'd imagine he's not exactly looking for an afternoon teatime chat." I nodded in agreement.

I walked confidently forward, turned, and strafed the white wall opposite to the enclosure. I hadn't even pressed my back when I heard Eren slam himself against the thick bars.

"YOU BITCH!" Eren yelled as I causally leaned back, arms loosely crossed, and left foot pressed against the wall as much as my military skirt would allow. His arms were secured behind him. His ankles were bound, but not so much that he couldn't walk around. Nothing was stopping him for slamming his shoulders, torso, head, hips, anything against the thick steel bars in a pitiful show of aggressive.

"WHO ARE YOU?! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU! WHERE AM I? HOW THE FUCK—?!" he continued this way for a while, endless string of swears, unanswered, loaded questions, and accusations slurring out of his lips.

"Are you about done yet?" I yawned when I got a chance, tilting my head nonchalantly up and back to the side. This resulted in a few more strings of word vomit until Eren settled down more. I walked a few strides over down the hall and motioned with my head for the men to come over. I left my spot against the wall and leaned against Eren's cell, back fully facing him. He was too preoccupied with the pair of footsteps getting louder to round the corners. Reiner and Bertolt rounded the corner and stood tall in front of him. Both wore frowns and furrowed brows, but Reiner more so. Zeke stood in the corner facing inside Eren's cell.

"Ohhhhhh..." Eren's eyes grew wide, all rationality leaving him, focusing on no one other than Reiner and Bertolt. "Iiiiiii knew it... I fucking knew it. ReiNER, YOU BASTARD! And YOU! YOU FUCKING PUSSY LACKEY!"

They remained steadfast in their stances, which I admired. Even if I knew they were expecting such reactions and sentiments for several years, didn't make the naïve brat's rambling any less offensive. Meanwhile, I grew tense hearing Eren judge them so harshly while remaining blissfully ignorant.

Eren was more furious than ever, thrashing himself towards them as much as he could. Surely he was giving himself bruises. As he tired trying to get a reaction out of them, he shuffled towards me and made an attempt to bite my shoulder through the bars. My reflexes were too quick and his actions too expected, however; in one smooth motion, I pivoted, reached an arm in, grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him back, then forward with all the force I could muster, slamming his head against the steel bars enough for them to shake and echo a bit. He groaned and began to sink to his knees. Thankfully the fact it wasn't his choice and unexpected amplified the result.

"Now listen here, you lil' shit," I whispered angrily at him. "It's for everyone's damn good if you behaved yourself."

"And why should I trust you? Or them..." Eren's voice was hoarse and ragged, blood accumulating off his nose and mouth. Knew he'd ask that. Understandable, as much as I wasn't fond of the kid.

"I don't know you," he eyed me, then eyed Bertolt and Reiner. "You traitors... You _liars_..."

"Eren..." Bertolt couldn't stay silent. "There are no lies when I say being with you guys was the happiest in our lives. We didn't ask for this. We don't want this. We don't enjoy _this_..." His voice was pained, palpable.

" _Liars_..."

"You're not listening," I deadpanned. "What reason has he to lie. You're already here, their first mission is already over; neither have any reason to continue deceiving you, especially when it comes to something as personal as his own personal feelings and perceptions." Eren slowly looked to me again, no more trusting but quiet. "Now listen, Attack Titan," his eyes bulged at my words, "you may not give a damn about us anymore, and I couldn't care less. But if you give a damn about anyone else, you'll cooperate. Maybe you've gotten a taste of the real world out here, what we're capable of."

Eren fell silent, listening.

"I do not speak merely of modern technology," I continued. "Military prowess, allied nations, titan possession. You're not in a good spot right now to test us."

Eren slowly stood, almost as if in slow motion. I took a casual step back, unconcerned as Zeke approached me.

Zeke approached with slightly upturned brows, an arm loosely raised to coax me away from his irrational younger brother. He knew he could trust me to be safe, but he couldn't help but worry. I nodded and stepped backwards so as to keep my eyes on Eren.

Suddenly the boy eyed the four of us and yelled with all his might before ramming into the bars. He burst free from the binding on his wrists and reached a clawed hand to the closest person how could touch, which happened to be Zeke. For a split second, I lost myself. Almost literally. The last thing I saw were Eren's fiery, sunken in eyes over Zeke's shoulder. Then, nothing. Then, his eyes again. It felt as if time skipped but a part of me knew I was still in the present. I looked back at Reiner and Bertolt, wide-eyed, then to Zeke who had leapt forward out of Eren's grasp. Zeke had me half-heartedly against the wall opposite of Eren's cell, in fact. They all had similar dumbfounded expressions. We looked between ourselves, wordlessly realizing we all felt similarly.

We all felt it. Us titan shifters. Eren triggered the coordinate.

This had significant implications.

Sure enough, we heard the quickened strides of medical personnel and security rush in to subdue the boy. quickly guided us out.

"Thank you," Zeke nodded at me, then Reiner and Bertolt. "We'll take care of him from here. You'll be kept in touch. I must be going. Deepest apologizes, severe miscalculation on my part," and he left just as quickly as he had finished his words.

We had no reason to walk quickly, but the three of us did.

"That was it, wasn't it...?!" I said with widened eyes, jaw hanging slightly.

"Yeah," Bertolt wore a few sweat drops.

"...I must confess, though," Reiner said in a low, husky tone. "Seeing you pummel him against the door was pretty arousing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's that time in the semester. Fair warning, this may be the last update until about a month from now. Maaaybe I'll get one out on the week of May 6th, but considering rewrites, it's unlikely.
> 
> Some intense side drama will come in the next couple of chapters. I look forward to uploading those.
> 
> As always, thank you for the impressive Hit Count, Kudos, Bookmarks, and kind words. I hope to continue to meet your expectations. In the meantime, if you stan Marley like I do, feel free to hit me up on Tumblr for meta and reblogs, and my new fandom Twitter, @PieckAsExpected.
> 
> EDIT (07/20/2018): _Glaring_ lore oversight, I somehow forgot that Eren needs to be in physical contact with one of royal blood in order to activate the Coordinate, so I threw in Zeke to fix it. I cannot believe I forgot that given that's why Zeke is working with Eren and the SC. I am so sorry, I try to stay as close to canon as I can. If you guys ever see plot/lore/etc. inconsistencies like that, feel free to drop a comment and let me know.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a meeting with your fellow Warriors and Marleyan officials, a rather drab day in the lab becomes a living nightmare as your worst fears of returning manifested via happenstance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning: Attempted Rape** Contained in the scene following the single line break. Read with caution.
> 
> Usual swears, emotional distress.

"He's retrieving his memories, it seems," I said pensively at the meeting among Warriors and Marley personnel.

"Yes, it is lining up well with historic and family records," Magath confirmed. "He is, however, very unwilling to cooperate still."

"As expected," Zeke said.

"Mmph, yeah, well," I said squirming in my seat. "Nnf, now that we have 100% confirmation of his--nngh..."

"Here..." Pieck said and got up off of her couch, displaying its emptiness with a small, soft hand. My mouth hung open slightly in relief as I left my chair and immediately laid across it.

"Better?" she asked though knowing the answer already.

"Ah, yes, thank you," I moaned in gratitude.

"Do I have to get another sofa in here?" Zeke sighed.

"Not necessary," I said without hesitation. "Get in."

Pieck clambered in and found herself halfway on top of my back, her other half on my side against the back of the couch.

"...Really?" Magath sighed.

"She's fine. She's so little and lightweight, she's like a warm, weighted blanket. And I'm much more comfortable now. Trust me."

Pieck sighed and nuzzled into the back of my neck instinctively.

"Anyway, now that we have the Coordinate safely obtained, we can begin the next phase, yes?"

"Correct." Magath confirmed. "I could even simply attack. I should be fairly easy to reclaim the Female and Jaw, yes?" He looked over to Reiner and Bertolt.

"Yes," Reiner answered. "Last we knew, Annie is still self-imprisoned in her crystal."

"And those on the island never knew who you two were?"

"That is correct," Bertolt nodded. "They never thought to question us when Annie acted on her own. The three of us escaped in the dead of night with Eren. No signs of anyone successfully following us has been seen."

"That is incredible." Magath said with a hint of surprise in his tone.

"Honestly, how dense are these imbeciles?" Zeke sighed, leaning back fully into his seat. "As to not check your records or anything?"

"Annie's solidarity and dedication wound up working in our favor, even if it wound up costly her everything in the meantime," Reiner added.

"Compared to having you two, the Coordinate, and _____ back, it is a small price to pay," Magath continued. "All things considered, I am pleased."

The meeting droned on for a bit more, covering a mixture of items such as continued work on Eren, short-term goals, with brief mentioning of long-term goals. Although I laid on the sofa briefly, it was more than enough to help me get back to the lab and power through the rest of my day with more energy.

* * *

"Hey mama, aren't cha supposed to be workin'?" an unfamiliar voice called out to me. I was none too thrilled being called something as ridiculously degrading as "mama." Either this uniform aged me or gave me a domineering vibe. "I am," I answered without giving the rookie soldier passerby the dignity of eye contact, eyes glued on the notebook in hand. In a haphazard attempt to get comfortable, I leaned against the counter while sitting on my elevated chair.

"Oh really? Let me get a better look..."

He entered my small lab, closed and locked the door behind him. I shot him an icy death glare a nanosecond after I heard the click.

"These samples need to sit and results takes time. I'm reading up on others' lab reports and experiments in the meantime to see how I can expand on my own. It's called multitasking."

"I don't give a damn..." he sighed and wobbled on his feet, annoyed. "There are better ways you could be passing time..."

As he approached I tensed up with fear rarely felt before. Unlike earlier, my reflexes failed me briefly and that was all it took for the young man to grab me and throw me to the ground and dig a pointed knee in my back. I screamed as loud as I could before his clasp my mouth shut and pulled my head back so far and fast, I legitimately feared he'd break my neck. I wasn't a praying woman, certainly not to the nonsense of the walls, but I did, hoping my scream was long and loud enough to call someone, anyone. I whimpered, panting hard into his filthy mouth, tears welling in the corners of my eyes more out of panic and struggle.

"Oh this is lovely... lovely, lovely, lovely," his husky, thirsty voice whispered. He secured my wrists behind me and ankles easily thanks to the standard equipment of his uniform.

"This is such a nice change of scenery from the willing whores on the streets," he drooled as he ripped my uniform apart with a pocket knife. He flipped me onto my back to finish tearing apart my clothes. The cuffs slammed and dug into my wrists hard, surely injuring them. I yelped and whimpered louder through his hand and I was soon exposed to him. He took advantage of my new injury by making time to quickly undo as much of his pants as he could with his free hand.

I forced myself to momentarily relax, resting my head to the side, in hopes he'd loosen his grip on my mouth as he was distracted. The moment I felt him let up, I shifted my head enough to clamp my jaws down on any available fingers with all my might. He yelped and I answered him with the loudest screech I could give towards to door behind me.

"SHUTTHEFUCKUP!" he yelled through his throat so hard to minimize his own noise, it hurt. He threw his body fully on top on me, in one last desperate attempt before personnel could possibly arrive, needing to focus on keeping head still and mouth shut. If anything, the thrill of being caught only furthered his arousal as he scrambled to enter me with the power of his hips and legs alone. Our lower extremities wrestled as I tried to keep myself secured. I yelled helplessly in his disgusted, sweaty hands and arms as I felt him rub up against, poke, and prod me in vain attempts to satisfy himself.

When I heard full-body throws against the door, adrenaline kicked in and I struggled harder and faster, managing to push myself up and towards the door a bit further. Thankfully, the door gave way with the right kicks and an older-looking soldier, perhaps late 30s/early 40s, barged in.

"What's going—HEY, GET THE FUCK UP!" he yelled before making fast strides over to us. The man on top of me made a few last desperate attempts before his face was kicked in and off of me. With the body weight lifted, I kicked against the ground to slide myself up and away from the monster as much as I could. My savior pummeled the younger soldier just enough to render him safely unconscious, and he immediately went back to me and helped me up. I hadn't even noticed he took the other's key because as soon as I felt the handcuffs drop to the floor, I cupped my wrists against my chest and did my best to curl into a fetal position while standing against him. The older man searched for something to cover my body with and opted for a spare lab coat. He wrapped me up and carried me out, making long strides to get me treated quickly.

"Take care of him," he growled to passing personnel making their way to my lab.

As I got cleaned up and taken care of by a government nurse, we stood by wordlessly working on a report. I didn't mind. I felt like shutting down for the rest of my life at the moment.

"I'll be frank; this paperwork is mostly theatrical. Chances are, not much will come out of this aside from a bit of extended time off, which will be determined tomorrow."

_Of fucking course._

"I'll try to keep an eye out for you," he said in a tone so low and quiet, even I barely made it out. He kept his gaze locked in my eyes longer than I would have expected otherwise. I made sure to study and memorize his features.

As I was being escorted to my quarters, I informed him that I needed to stay elsewhere with a couple of people in mind. He asked me if he should inform them immediately, but I shook my head. My stomach twisted as my newfound internal conflict made itself known; I didn't want to worry Bertolt and Reiner nor distract them from their duties. But I needed them more than ever. But then I didn't want to be touched by anyone or anything ever again and left alone forever. I had never felt so helpless and conflicted in my life. I actually strongly considered taking back what I said and staying in my quarters. But in the end, I hesitantly stood by my original word. If anything, they should know what happened the same day it happened.

* * *

I laid in Bertolt's bed, curled up in a fetal position unwilling to move. I only got up to use the restroom when my body absolutely urged me to. I never removed the coat given to me. Despite the added heat, I laid under the covers, in addition.

The hours that remained until they returned felt like an eternity as I replayed what had happened repeatedly. When I heard the door open and two pairs of footfalls enter, I tensed up further. Otherwise, I remained motionless.

Reiner jumped and gasped in place upon seeing me, Bertolt did so more feeding off Reiner's reaction. It was very uncharacteristic of me to be like this, and they immediately sensed something was wrong.

"_-_____...?!" Bertolt whispered loud with concern. He quickly but carefully made his way towards me, kneeling on the side to examine me at eye level. When he reached out to grasp my exposed shoulder, I winced and uttered a startled high-pitched whine.

Reiner slowly made his way to the desk, a simple, unmarked envelope on it. He quietly took it, fearing what it could possibly read.

Bertolt's head snapped back to Reiner when he heard paper crumble in his hand, and he threw it down before stomping towards the nearest wall next to his bed. He slammed a hand against it for support and pulled back a fist with every intention to bust a hole through. But fearing the repercussions, he chose to pound away at his thigh instead, grunting angrily with every hit.

" _Reiner_!" I squeaked. I was shaking, silent tears streaming down my face, eyes wide on him. For a moment, I had zero trust in him. I feared him. I had never more thoroughly seen him as a Warrior than I did in that moment, good intentions aside. And it was one of the most horrifying realizations I had, however brief.

I somehow managed to mouth an 'I'm sorry,' and that's what did him in: his face contorted uncontrollably before he collapsed to the ground, faced us, and sobbed. I couldn't even find words and resorted to pitiful whines peppering my sobs.

"_-_____, p-please...!" Bertolt begged, but I only froze and stared horrified into his eyes. He quickly walked around the bed to his usual side and laid down underneath the covers but as far away from me as possible. He quietly chanted anything he hoped would get me to come around. My name, his name, 'I'm here,' 'we're here.' Reiner's quiet sobs slowed as he observed through his hand covering his face. He forced himself to steady his breathing, for his—everyone's sake's.

I slowed my shaking and panted steadily. I slowly, slowly turned onto my other side to face Bertolt. His face lit up for a moment but he forced himself to remain still, fighting every fiber of his being to not fully envelope me in his form. After a minute of peering into him, I inched out a hand and flayed out my fingers. He answered by slowly inching one of his hands to interlock our fingers together. He praised my effort while letting his built up tears flow freely. Little by little, I inched closer and closer to him until we were flush.

Reiner felt confident in himself to stand, quietly place the crumbled report of the incident back on the desk and leave without a word. He returned with a bunch of food on two trays, all of it non-perishable just in case some were left uneaten. Reiner ate slowly in silence on his bed, observant. Bertolt slowly got up to fetch a tray. Since I was more in the middle of the bed now, he opted to place the tray on the bed on the side I was facing, Bertolt kneeling in front of me. He offered me a small variety of things. After eyeing them, I slowly sat up, cross-legged, and extended a hand and motioned for the apple. The back of my mind knew its healthy sugar would benefit body and spirit. As I slowly ate, Bertolt carefully got back on the bed and we ate there in cautious silence.

"Luckily..." both men instantly fell silent, shocked I spoke so soon after eating. "As you... may have read... it could have been worse. There are survivors who have… experienced worse." I inhaled deeply and a shuddering sigh escaped. "Reiner..."

Reiner tensed up thoroughly, worried the slightest thing he'd do would trigger me again.

"Is it... possible for you to stay with me tomorrow as I recover?"

I eyed him from my profile. His face took forever to fall and relax.

"Y-yeah... I think Bertolt can do well for both of us on my behalf."

"Th-thank you," I sighed.

"_____..." he asked trying to soften the tension in his voice as much as possible. "Are you sure you want... me to stay?"

My jaw hung open ever so slightly. "Of course." My answer was quiet, soft, but certain. You could hear relief in his sigh as he nodded.

As Reiner took our trays away to return, I asked Bertolt to help me shower. By the time we were out and drying off, Reiner returned and laid on his bed, still mostly in uniform.

"Reiner," I said as Bertolt and I climbed under the sheets. "It's okay for you to get undressed." He paused but eventually did not question it. Once he was nude and under his sheets, he laid on his side to face us. We could barely make out our faces in the moonlight that beamed down the window between the beds, but it was enough to know we looked at each other in peace. I kept my gaze fixated on him until my eyes struggled to stay open. He couldn't tell that I had fallen asleep. Several minutes later, he finally did the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know rape scenes and themes are common in fan fiction, but I still feel I owe an apology to those who would be sensitive to it and/or feel they're altogether unnecessary. I feel Reader has had it too easy returning to Marley unpunished despite how she left them, so an attempt by an asshole within the ranks seemed a more realistic, ironic twist than what Marley had in mind. I don't want to write her as too Mary Sue-y, especially since this is my self-insert I happen to choose to publish. Harassment, assault, etc. against women both in various STEM fields and the military is more common than one would like know, unfortunately. Don't worry, both Reiner and Bertolt are here for you.
> 
> Thank you for all the support, as always, but especially your patience. I had the best semester yet, grade-wise, so it was worth resisting the temptation to work on this.
> 
> Unfortunately, keep expecting pace like this. I'll be taking 12 hours this semester and 13 in the Fall if I hope to graduate in December (and I'm determined to). But I do hope to work on rewriting while I have time.
> 
> Forgive the lack of a chapter title at release, I'm failing to come up with one at the moment. But I was itching to get this out asap for you guys.
> 
> I'll never get over the fact the SC didn't both to background check R&B when Annie was captured, but Armin "figured it out," so I had to throw in that jab by Zeke, haha. I adore Pieck so, so much. Those who know me on Tumblr especially know I see her as my daughter.


	27. For You, Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right after Bertolt leaves for the day, you and Reiner address the moment he frightened you to the core. After a heated argument debating his trustworthiness, you prove to him you trust him despite his shattered mind and what happened yesterday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Relationship development, no plot forwarding. Some swears, fluff, and love-making in between the two sets of double line breaks. Reiner/Reader.

Bertolt woke up easily only because he had a hard time falling asleep. I laid awake after feeling him stir, my light sleeper tendencies working against me, as usual. I only got up to use the restroom then promptly laid back down. If I couldn't fall back asleep anytime soon, I might as well rest my body. Bertolt apologized for disturbing me, but I told him he was no bother. I swear, a mosquito could bite me, and he'd apologize.

While halfway dressed, he walked over and checked out the crumbled report on the desk and read it. He scrunched his eyes closed, unsurprised at its contents given the context of last night and set it down again with a soft grunt.

I sat up to observe Bertolt finish getting ready. He asked if he could get me anything, like breakfast, but I refused, telling him he should focus on his duties and that I would manage. He debated on hugging or kissing me goodbye and shifted in place, darting his eyes between me and the door. As he turned to leave with just a verbal farewell, I uttered a noise. My lips parted, facing up towards him more, and he immediately came over to plant the warmest, most tender kiss. I smiled and it instantly made him feel better knowing I was already recovering well.

Bertolt waved me down before turning towards Reiner, who was laying on his back, staring at the ceiling, arms crossed above his head.

"I'll keep you posted tonight. And I know you'll take good care of her."

Reiner hesitated before giving single nod.

After Bertolt left, I got up to find some pajamas and went over to lock the door before laying back down on my side. Reiner was motionless, silent. I decided to speak first, and he was not gonna like it. But it's how I truly felt.

"I'm sorry..."

Reiner's face tightened in anger and he covered it with a flayed hand. "Don't."

"But I am...?!" I raised my voice.

"Don't!"

"Reiner, listen—"

"I'M sorry!" he swung himself up hard and fast enough to sit up in half a second. "That look last night and I— I fuckin'... Not only wasn't I there... I...! I..." he was panting, in a mild panic attack. "How... how can you trust me... I don't... know who I am half the time..."

"...I think you are blending. Now that we're home and settled in. And honestly..."

Reiner panted harder in anticipation, fearing what bluntness I was about to divulge.

"You had a natural reaction. I'd be angry, too."

"But that was the last thing you needed," he growled. "I  _ scared _ you. I had  _ never _ seen that look in your eyes. Y'know..." he paused, "I often thought I couldn't count on Bertolt could take initiative on anything." My throat tightened in anger at that. "But I'll be damned, does he know how to treat a woman right."

"Oh for fuck's sake, where to begin," I spat. Reiner gave me a piercing side eye. "All I'm gonna say is don't let your insecurities allow you to insult Bertolt; you know good n' damn well he's been your rock for most of your life. It was damn hard on him watching you, all of you, play Soldier.

"Two, I love the fact you have nearly opposite personalities. Even better, I know he's capable of being assertive at times and you more poignant at times. I could easily imagine Bertolt pummeling the fucker just as much as you being gentle afterwards. Both are appreciated equally for different reasons.

"Three, we both know I reacted subconsciously. One-hundred percent automated by my brain and nervous system. Despite that, I want to apologize."

"_____...!"

"DON'T interrupt me. I wish I hadn't because I know how much you struggle," my voice cracked at the last word. Reiner snapped his neck towards me, horrified at my sudden shift in tone. "Every damn day...!" my pitch changed completely as my throat tightened and tears weld in my eyes. "I may not have grown up with you, but I know how difficult it is for you to cope! Your mind shifts, you clearly have PTSD, you've struggled to live up to expectations, the weight of your sins..."

I began to sob and choked on my words, struggling to get them out. I grabbed a pillow to my side and clung to it tight in my lap.

"Of all people, I don't want to be one that makes you doubt yourself! I fucking love you!" I wept.

At this point, I couldn't bear to look into his eyes so I buried mine in the pillow.

"C-can't we... just agree that... w-we don't w-want to... h-hurt each other...?!" I spoke loud enough to compensate for the pillow's noise cancellation beneath my mouth.

As I continued to weep quietly, Reiner wordlessly excused himself to use the restroom and clean up. A few splashes of water on the face to rid the tears and refresh did wonders. He sat back down on the edge of his bed, covering his crotch with the corner of the cover.

"Yes," his voice droned with exhaustion. I looked up, resting my chin on the soaked edge of the pillow. "I'd give anything... to prevent what happened yesterday. And to help you heal."

I shrugged.

"That alone is enough."

Reiner looked up and our eyes met.

"Neither you nor Bertolt, not even you two combined, can magically heal me completely. I need to heal myself, too. That doesn't mean I don't accept your help and support. I'm eternally thankful and blessed to have that."

I fell silent as Reiner ogled me, allowing him to register everything I said. After having a good cry pouring out my heart to him, I spoke confidently and hoped he picked up on that.

I walked over and sat at the foot of his bed. My gaze broke off to dart about the empty space before me as a plan formed.

"Reiner," I asked softly. "Would you like to help me?"

He gulped but nodded slowly.

My heart couldn't help but sink at his hesitation. "I trust you. Please allow me to prove it to you."

Reiner nodded slowly and turned his torso to face me better. I scooted up close enough for our knees to touch. Keeping eye contact, I cupped his cheek and grazed it with my thumbpad. I daintily grabbed his right hand and guided it on my cheek and he did the same. A few moments later, I brought my hand forward a bit to caress his bottom lip with my thumb. I darted my eyes between his and his lips while wetting mine. As I pulled in his head a bit, he interpreted correctly and closed the gap for the softest kiss he had ever given me, his lips barely ghosting over mine. I uttered a single, high-pitched moan and he pressed against me a little bit harder and held on. My heart soared knowing how delicate he was being. When our lips parted, I gingerly grabbed his bottom lip in mine and held a kiss. He imitated my action and my tongue graced his teeth asking for access. He parted to press in and our tongues ever so slowly caressed. I moaned and gripped my hand on the side of his face a little tighter.

When we parted, I looked at him and panted lightly, smiling wide. "Perfect," I beamed. He uttered a breathy chuckle, and I embraced him. He hugged back, gently rubbing my back. His bare skin on my hands and arms felt so warm and inviting.

"Lay me down," I nuzzled against his ear.

* * *

* * *

Reiner hummed, turned and stood on his feet to lay my torso in the middle and tenderly lifted my hips to align them. He sat down on the edge next to me, right arm supporting him on my opposite side. I took my time admiring his arm above me with my hand, making sure every muscle's contours were explored. He sighed and kept half-lidded eyes on me, lips slightly parted. I rested my hand on top of his.

"Undress me. Please..."

He gulped and nodded and his gaze made their way down to my ankles. I wore a simple nightgown, so it was all in one piece. He gathered the material at the end in his hands and slowly brought them up. I lifted my feet and knees to help. When I lifted my buttocks and the gown pooled at the small of my back, I sat up and my face was mere centimeters from Reiner's. He paused before I lifted my arms, allowing him to remove the garment completely. I slowly laid back down but noticed his line of sight never left my eyes.

"Reiner..." I whispered, almost disappointed. "It's okay. Please look. I want you to."

He swallowed hard and began to trail his gaze slowly down my nude form. He sighed as if he was dreaming, drinking in the view as if he were seeing me naked for the first time. I smiled and let out a whine I didn't know I was holding. He looked back at me and was pleasantly surprised to see a warm blush dust my cheeks along with my smile.

I outstretched an arm to him. "Touch me. Get to know my body. Take your time."

He nodded before gently cupping my hand in between his. His hands were thicker than Bertolt's. Even though Bertolt was known for being warm blooded, Reiner's sheer mass made him a worthy competitor. He interlaced our fingers before resting his lips softly on the back of my hand. I squeaked a moan filled need as he began to caress and massage my right arm thoroughly. He gingerly laid it down and worked the left arm in the same manner before giving me a good shoulder rub as I remained laid down. He was hesitant to get to my chest but I gave him quick nods of approval.

"I-I'm sorry, I..." he couldn't help but break silence. "I may never know what it's like to live as a woman, but I can just imagine that after what happened, you wouldn't—" he was at a loss of words.

I shook my head. "I understand, which is why I'm verbally guiding you. Yesterday, no, not at all. I'll explain that much later. But I'll  _ always _ want and need you and Bertolt. This is for you, too, you know..." My voice trailed off as I guided his hands onto my chest. I arched my back when I felt his finger pads and palms graze my nipples. A shuddering sigh spilled out, causing Reiner to drop his jaw in awe at the sound.

"Reiner, please..." my voice strained, and he immediately began massaging and squeezing perfectly into me. I whined excitedly when he gently twisted and grazed the tips of my nipples. Heat was building so intensely inside me, it was incredible. Even before now, it had been weeks since I was intimidate with either of them. Coupled with the beautiful session this was turning into, my senses were unusually heightened. If he kept this up, I would surely be on the edge soon.

Thankfully, he chose to explore further down, trailing his fingers along my sensitive sides and stomach, painting abstract patterns as if each hand had to discover every centimeter of me. I squirmed and moaned, forcing Reiner to utter a small breathy chuckle remembering how sensitive I am.

His hands cupped either hip and he dug in deep to give a thorough massage. He reached underneath further to focus a bit on the small of my back and I arched up, happy to oblige. He settled me down and dug deep into the junction between my thighs and pelvic area. Too deep, as I moaned into a small bubble of giggles.

"R-Reiner, p-please-hee-heese..." I lightly bit down on a knuckle.

"Would you like to me stop?" he smirked as I squirmed harder into his touch. I simply giggled more.

"You're not saying stop..." he sang, and wiggled his fingers rapidly before I yelped.

"Stop! Okay, okay, that's enough," I panted and smiled, the corners of my eyes scrunching up.

He uttered a beautiful, breathy chuckle before thoroughly working my right buttock and leg, then the left. He sat lower towards the end of the bed and held up my right ankle. He looked up at me and I gave him an apprehensive and firm nod. "Just... be careful. And be firm." He smiled and firmly grasped my right foot in both hands, giving deep, solid massages. I covered my eyes with my forearm as my other hand grasped the bed sheets underneath. It felt like forever before he worked on the other foot, earning the same reactions as before. My arm flew off my eyes, which shot open wide. I gasped loud when his fingers intertwined with my toes.

He caught my gaze. "Too much?"

"Nnngh, no, good..." I said through a clenched grin.

He slowly ran his fingers through and out, earning him a small wave of bubbly giggles before doing the same to my right foot. I squeaked when I felt a couple of fingers press against the balls of my foot.

"Just the pads. No nails," he proposed. "I... want to hear you laugh a bit. It... really makes me happy. I'll be gentle, I promise."

"Okay, keep firm. I trust you..." my breath was hot and moist, and he beamed with excitement. He stroked up and down the sole of my foot and wave after wave of moans and giggles bubbled out. I still squirmed, but he kept his word at being firm and merciful.

"Christ, _____, that's music to my ears..." he panted. I moaned in embarrassed but grateful thanks. He looked back at me to observe my expressions. My head flipped side to side, smile wide, reaching my eyes, forming small wrinkles in the corners. It was beautiful. He didn't want to ever make me feel any other way.

He slowed to a stop and caressed his way up my leg again before settling on my thigh.

I hummed, looking up at him before my eyes caught his erection making itself known.

"Reiner..." I said.

With one glance at himself then me, he tensed, worried he'd upset me.

"Reiner," I said slightly louder with a lot more certainty. I gulped though, embarrassed how corny this would sound. But given the mood we've been building, it felt only right. "Make love to me. Please."

His face widened in shock. Did you really want to? With him? Could he? So soon? Gradually his face relaxed and fell as I kept constant eye contact, lips slightly parted, maintaining determination. I took one of his wrists and gently pulled him forward until he was forced to lower his torso until he was right above me.

"I'm ready. I trust you," I purred.

"O-okay, just... let me make sure..." his breath was heavy against my lips.

I scooted over to the edge more as he laid next to me. He gently lowered his chest against mine, and he captured my lips in a moan as I felt hot flesh press. He intertwined my right hand with his left as his right slowly made its way down to my nether regions. My free hand roamed his muscular backside, often stopping to rub and massage ideal areas. I moaned high into his mouth as I spread my legs and welcomed his fingertips. I was indeed wet, but he took extra precautions. His fingertips grazed my sensitive, swollen outer lips, earning him my moans of desire. It only encouraged him to kiss with more passion, savoring the taste of my lips and tongue that he's missed in so many days.

When his middle finger teased my entrance, barely poking inside, my hips jerked with matching yelps, begging for more. He grunted before ever so slowly slipping in. My back arched into him, I whined long into his mouth, and my free arm squeezed tight against his backside. He broke off to let us both breathe.

"Good?" he panted.

"Yes, gods, yes..."

He unlocked our hands so his less occupied one could cup my cheek. I pressed and nuzzled into it, panting delightedly. Reiner kept his eyes locked onto me to gauge my reactions as his index finger slipped in. I moaned excitedly again, cupping the back of his hand and face with my hands.

I chanted his name and sang praises as Reiner began to scissor, prepping thoroughly. I suddenly threw my head back as a slick thumb grazed my swollen clitoris. I bit my knuckle and squealed his name in a high-pitched whine.

Reiner wanted nothing more than to make me yell, scream, cry. If he could, he'd hit every erogenous zone I possessed until I'd pass out but now was not the time. He pulled his thumb away and focused on scissoring with the occasional pumps.

"Reiner, make love to me, now. I need you," I panted rapidly. He grunted and nodded, shifting his knees and hips until they aligned above me. I rested my ankles on the small of his back and cupped his face with my hands. I nodded and he lowered himself down closer until we were mostly flush. He held onto the base of his member and carefully pressed the tip against me. I moaned more from desire and nodded quickly to wordlessly tell him I needed more. He slowly, almost too slowly pressed in until we were one.

"Yes, ah, yes, Reiner, Reiner..." I panted hard. He panted harder, body quivering as he suppressed every urge he had built up. He underestimated how much I needed him; I pulled back my hips a bit and gave him a gentle, shallow thrust, urging him to move. He buried my face in the crook of my neck and released a long drone of a moan and shuddered. He slowly pulled out a bit and thrust back in with a bit more force. He repeated the motion a few times. Then with each sequential movement, he pulled out further and thrust back in a little harder. I made sure to continuously verbally encourage him with both sound and words.

As his face was still pressed against the crook of my neck, I took the opportunity to lift my head enough to peer down and unlocked my ankles enough to observe his hips. I panted hard seeing his extremely toned buttocks and hips roll into mine in beautiful, nearly uniform waves. It was an indescribably romantic sight.

Reiner worked up a full-body sweat, aching to build to a pace that'd lead to release. When he couldn't last in his current rhythm much longer, a hand crept under my backside and lifted the small of my back to slam home into my very core with every hit. My ankles locked again and tightened their grip around his waist, and I yelped and moaned loud with every hit.

"H-aahhh, ahhh, ahhhh, R-Reiner, hah, love me, please, love me, love me..." I moaned.

"Yes, ohhhh gods, yes, yes I do, I love you, I love you, _____..." his voice was hoarse and strained.

I forced myself to put all of my remaining energy into meeting his thrusts, and it took me no time to fall over the edge. My legs clamped down around him as I bolted my torso up to grip his head and shoulders to dear life. I moaned loud into the crook of his neck before he pressed me back down so he could send his last rapid thrusts into me. He followed me quickly as his jaws cupped my shoulder and yelled into me before stiffening and releasing his load inside.

Reiner groaned long and deep against me as we laid still connected, catching our breathes. It took me longer than expected to unwind my legs off around him. He slowly pulled out with a grunt and rolled onto his back, bringing me close until I covered myself over half of him.

* * *

* * *

"You were perfect," I smiled and pecked his jawline. "Thank you." He was hesitant to say anything. "Reiner...?" I grew concerned.

"...Thank you," he murmured.

I scooted up to align with his face better.

"Reiner, that was for you, too. I trust you. I know under that chivalrous, protective, tough exterior is a heart of gold who'd do anything for those he loves. You're just as capable as being compassionate and loving as anyone else. I hoped I proved that to you."

He sighed and forced his words out. "I hope to continue to live up to your expectations."

I was thrilled he said 'continue to' and turned his head to lock lips.

"You always have," I said after breaking away briefly. "And you've always exceeded."

He moaned in gratitude and closed the gap to kiss with more affirmation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I outdid myself. For now. I believe this was written sometime when the middle of the Marley arc was first published, so mentally ill, insecure Reiner was becoming more and more canon. He needed extra love and confirmation that people love him. Like his fans, and Bertolt, of course. So this was the result.
> 
> Deepest apologizes for not getting this out much sooner, as I intended. I do hope this was worth the wait. I emphasize again to not expect regular updates or even a finished story before the end of the year.
> 
> Fandom Twitter was deactivated, by the way. Feel free to hit me up on Tumblr, though!


	28. The Powers That Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After your one day off, you head back to work with little trouble, if anything, expected the tedious task of rerunning your experiment. But plans change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Frank but not too graphic discussion in the beginning of why you may have recovered from your attack fairly quickly, so fair warning there if you’re the slightest bit triggered by more assault/rape/etc. talk. A dramatic confrontation or two, titans fights (not gory, though), and surprise closure awaits.

Soon after our session, Reiner and I showered while making time for quite a few embraces and kisses, got dressed, and headed out for brunch. My appetite came back at full force.

He was protective of me more than ever. As much as I hated to admit it, it was one of the most flattering and enduring things. I loathed the idea of being dependent on anyone or someone's damsel to be rescued, but my pounding heart betrayed my wishes. I'd do the same for him or Bertolt, after all. A couple of times, he jerked swift movements and turns thinking someone who harm me if they got too close, and it made me visibly flinch. Just as quickly, his attitude would do a 180, and he'd hunch over to apologize profusely with a flurry of swears peppered in. I insisted it was okay and to dismiss my automated reactions, especially since we had just discussed it. Well, "discussed" was putting it nicely.

Not knowing how else to spend the remaining day, I didn't object to Reiner's suggestion to go home and wait for Bertolt to return so we could all have dinner. The day proved ideal knowing I'd be returning to work tomorrow.

When I heard a couple of gentle knocks on the door, I bounced off the edge of my and Bertolt's bed and trotted to the door to welcome him in.

"Hey, how did your day go? Are you better?" he gave a small smile seeing my body language was a good enough sign.

"Yes, so far, so good. We had brunch and decided to spend the rest of the day here reading and playing chess until you got home."

"Brunch? You didn't have breakfast soon after I left?" Bertolt looked between Reiner and I.

"Well..." I turned towards Reiner as I walked Bertolt to our bed.

Reiner cleared his throat. "We had a heated argument about how I scared her last night. We both got pretty upset. Not long after..." he gulped, "we made love. I think we should disclose that to you immediately since you were absent."

"Oh, that's great! But—I mean, so soon? After...?" Bertolt's face couldn’t make up its mind between happiness and bewilderment.

"I told him I'd explain as best I can to both of you," I began. "What that fucker did had little to do with sexual gratification. It's more about power: power, control, humiliation. To be honest, I'm a little bit surprised how well I'm doing. Then I remembered I know of many ways my recovery would be further hampered: if full penetration took place, if I knew I was completely alone, if it lasted longer, if it was reoccurring, and then some. I was not trying to merely make you two feel better but throwing a half-assed 'it could be worse.' No, it could. It really, really could. And I'm grateful it wasn't. Being imitate slowly and carefully is a good way to get back to being 'normal.' Those who've had it worse may never get physically intimate again."

Bertolt gave me nice, firm comforting back strokes as Reiner watched silently and intently.

"I... suppose that makes sense," Bertolt murmured.

"And, if I may," I looked to Reiner, "he wasn't sure I could trust him after that scare he gave me last night. So I helped prove to him he's just as capable as being affectionate and loving as you," I looked back at Bertolt. "And he is," I smiled making eye contact with Reiner again while leaning happily into Bertolt's side.

"I'm glad," Bertolt sighed and pecked the top of my head.

"So, shall we get dinner?" Reiner said standing up. Bertolt hummed and nodded. "Let's have a good one since you'll be returning tomorrow."

"Ugh, see, that's the one thing that pisses me off more than anything right now," I groaned. "But it's unfortunately to be expected."

* * *

I slept better that night, back to being thoroughly spooned by Bertolt, who said he was fine not engaging in anything more. Reiner snickered and asked how he could resist that, eliciting snickers and giggles from the both of us.

After breakfast, we parted ways and I found my way back to my small lab. I made a new habit of tapping my blade tucked in its usual holster on the small of my back in hopes should anything that sudden and unexpected happen again, unsheathing it would come naturally. I had even forgotten I wore it constantly.

Sure enough, the samples I had been working on were left alone in their current state for so long, they were inviable. I swore under my breathe and properly disposed of them.

I noticed the soldier who rescued me outside my door. He was already heading directly towards my lab when I made eye contact.

"How are you doing today, ma'am? Don't get too comfortable because there's been a change in plans given what you've been working on was ruined."

I snickered. "Trust me, sir, you'll hear no complaint from me. I wasn't looking forward to repeating the experiment at the end of the week anyway."

"No need for formalities, especially given my rank. You can address me by name." But he didn't give one and an awkward pause hung between us.

"Wh-which was...?" I asked sheepishly.

"Corporal Hawking." He said it as if he was repeating himself at least once.

I jerked my head down and to the side. "Shit, I'm sorry, I must've missed that yesterday..."

"Understandable, no need to apologize," he continued to speak very formally and a bit rapidly. "You're being asked—told—to demonstrate your titan's abilities against a group of mindless titans tomorrow. Today, you're being summoned to be tested to see if you're fit to do so. First, as you are, then once you transformed. Come," he commanded.

My exam somehow took up the rest of the morning and into the afternoon. I was dismissed early since nothing else was to be done and to prepare for tomorrow since I was given the okay. Hawking met to escort me home. Walking down the ward, my eyes wandered, peering into any open doors. I stopped dead in my tracks. Hawking noticed almost immediately and did the same. I slowly and quietly walked over to an examination room and leaned against the doorway. The whimpering woman inside startled and turned her head swiftly to me.

"_-_____!" her voice cracked, thick with the tears she had been slowly crying. "K-Klaus, th-they... h-he...!"

"Yeah, I know. I was the last thing he saw when he died."

All color in her fair skin left in that instant. Her eyes glazed over, jaw fully dropped. If she could grow more gray hairs than she already had, despite her being just a bit older than I, I'm sure she did. She couldn't make a sound let alone say a word.

"Oh, don't worry, I made sure the last thing he saw was me happy, despite my tears. He died happy, too. I'm glad he found some peace in the end, and that it was with me."

Her lips quivered in both heartache and jealousy.

"And _I'm_ at peace now. I'll go to the grave knowing I was the last person he saw. And I've always found console in the fact that I _know_ that if he _chose_ to come with me instead of being _dragged_ by you, he'd be happier and safer."

She shook, enraged now. Good. Hate me all you want, it's the truth whether you like it or not. Don't shoot the messenger, as they say. Your anger towards me means nothing; wolves do not lose sleep over the opinions of sheep.

"Now, if you'll excuse me..."

She finally managed to make pathetic, audible noises as I pressed myself off the doorway and left. Hawking returned to walk by my side as I heard a piercing wail so loud I shuddered. I was already prone to being jumpy due to anxiety but damn if the other day's events didn't worsen that. Hawking, on the other hand, was a true soldier; wasn't fazed nor did he bother to press me about that confrontation.

I was tempted to casually bring up the fact I was assaulted to her the other day, but I knew she'd tried to one-up me by reminding me she had been abused for the nth time, even if she could barely speak just now. A better reason why I didn't: I wasn't going to sink to her level in the first place by randomly dropping sob stories to manipulate with.

Aside from having to wait for Bertolt and Reiner to return home for a couple of hours, the rest of the evening was fairly typical. Only difference was we finally moved the desk and chair out from between the beds in the bedroom and pressed the two small beds together. It was odd yet familiar readjusting to my rightful place in between them. Despite getting some closure and the last word earlier today, my thoughts raced with what more could have been said and if it was worth saying. Knowing I'd be tried against some mindless titans all by myself tomorrow didn't help, either.

* * *

We woke and dressed with little to say aside from some words of encouragement. Bertolt and Reiner were understandably apprehensive; as the Colossal and Armored, they were to observe the trial with the other higher-ups and shifters. I just had to get through today, and we'd have the weekend to ourselves.

* * *

When everyone was present at the observation deck overlooking the field, I was given permission to head out and transform. I was told about ten or so would be released to me. Not easy, but should be doable with some time given the controlled environment. I had plenty of space to maneuver and break them apart.

Once I was a reasonable ways from the deck, I shifted and trotted out a great distance, turned, and faced them. My vision could barely pick off what I thought were the victims plummeting. But sure enough, one by one the specs I picked up transformed into mindless titans. They started walking forward slowly, aimlessly, searching for something. I walked forward a bit as they edged closer. They gradually caught sight of me and picked up their odd strides A couple wobbled so hard, you'd swear they'd topple over but didn't. A few ran fairly normally sans limb flailing. A couple ran on all fours and the rest fell behind due to their own limitations.

They didn't break apart as much as I wanted them to early on, so I trotted to my right. They began to fray out more. I turned and ran lightly to what was my left. That's when they really began to spread; their different body types and speeds broke them apart after some great shifts in direction.

To increase my exerted force, I ran towards the fastest ones. At the last minute, I decided the break and swing my hips out and forward to knock over the fastest trio. They were too close together and going head first into the middle would have me overpowered in no time. Once they were floored, I grabbed the outermost one with my jaws and threw him further out so I could easily take care of him. The other two got up and were making their ways towards me fairly quickly. I headbutt the closest one and pivoted to knock it back with my back paws not unlike a hoofed beast of burden. The other lunged at me, but I knocked him forward and took care of him. The last was easy to take out since I luckily kicked it in the right spot to knock some wind out of it.

The two with terrible equilibrium were even easier to take out.

When I thought I wasn't going to have much of a challenge today, the two on all fours proved to be unexpectedly difficult. They worked together to try to trip me up with their long, deformed limbs. Yes, being quadrupedal gives you incredible equilibrium and balance, but eight limbs working to knock over four was a chaotic mess. As long as I didn't fall onto my side or back, I should be fine.

"Thiiiis could be an issue," Zeke said aloud while looking into his binoculars. Other officers and scientists took notes avidly. Reiner and Bertolt looked at him nervously. "And you two say they've seen her form at least once, correct?"

"Yeah..." Reiner said with little hesitation and concern in his voice.

"Those intriguing devices you brought here could easily trip her up. I'm sure they'd take advantage of that. Something to keep in mind, for sure."

A few gasped as they noticed I had indeed fallen over. I couldn't get two off by myself, so I concentrated on clawing at the ground to crawl out underneath and escape. I made an extra effort to reach forward and back with extra-long strides, hoping to kick or injure whatever grotesque limbs I came in contact with. My claws provided traction the humanoid titans lacked and I managed to scramble my way out. I ran off to lure them further out, zig-zagging in an effort to separate them. Their limbs lacked the physiology for excellent coordination so I managed to get them to lose their footing and path without wasting too much time. I slammed the closest one's head into the ground and took out his nape with my muzzle. I leapt over him to land on the other's back and sliced his nape with the claws of a back paw.

All that was left was the two slowest and I could finally see what they were; they were both 15 meter classes whereas the other were 7 or 10. Both appeared to be more female. One had disproportionately longer legs, so it was much closer to me than the other. I ran towards her more aligned to her left. If she was anything like most people, she was right-handed and would prefer to use her right leg first. As expected, she swung her right foot forward but she miscalculated my speed and distance. I made a sharp turn and rammed right into her left leg which easily sent her to the ground. I made a point to keep an eye on her legs and leapt high into the air at the slightest indication of movement in my peripheral vision.

"Excellent, she quickly learned her lesson. I wouldn't be surprised if she never forgot that." Zeke sounded delighted as he smiled underneath the binoculars. Bertolt sighed happily out loud, Reiner did the same but less obvious. Notes were taken with excited murmurs elsewhere on the deck.

I leapt and bound all over the flailing 15-meter until I made my way on her back. I outstretched my front limbs enough to pin down her arms as much as possible as I took out her neck. I had to make more of an effort to dig in being larger than the others.

I leapt off and trotted cautiously towards the last one as it was finally starting to get closer to where I had been fighting the others. My legs instantly locked and I stood frozen when my vision got a good look at her features. Disproportionately larger teeth on the top jaw was nothing definitive until I saw her hair. Almost shoulder length, all one layer, lots of gray hairs peppered in. My ears and tail stood upright and stiff, as did much of the fur on my back aside from the longer hairs lining down the middle. She continued to limber forward, slow, almost reluctant. She was in no rush. I could almost sense... exhaustion.

"What is she doing?" "What"s going on?" "If that body language is anything like other canines..."

Various murmurs and whispers spread the deck while others who hadn't been watching with binoculars pulled them out, including Bertolt.

"I have... no idea who that is... Assuming she recognizes her in some way...?" Bertolt spoke aloud intending it for Reiner. Reiner only acknowledged with a small, apprehensive grunt as he looked around, hoping to find someone who gave signs in their body language of knowing what was going on.

"Excuse me," an unfamiliar voice spoke to Bertolt, who jumped in place and nearly dropped his binoculars. "May I borrow those for a second? There aren't enough to be given to those like me."

"Sure..." Bertolt handed them over. It was Hawking. Reiner took notice by now, too. Hawking observed for no more than fifteen seconds with a flawless poker face.

"Thank you," he handed Bertolt his binoculars back. "As you two may know, she's a tough, determined woman. She'll snap outta it and finish some personal business." He didn't make eye contact with Reiner, deeming it unnecessary. Bertolt sighed a chuckle, assuming correctly he's the one who helped me that day. As Hawking passed Reiner on his way out, he gave his thanks.

"Was just doing my job," Hawking waved off the thanks.

As she made her way closer to me, I lowered my tail and folded my ears back. I lowered my head and exhaled a breath I had subconsciously been holding before running towards her. I didn't even bother to attack too directly. I focused more on running around to exhaust and have her lose track of me. Her thick arms swung hopefully around trying to swipe at me.

After circling her a few more times she, wobbled slightly before unexpectedly falling to her knees. I did nothing fanciful. Her legs were thinner and weaker-looking than her arms, but that was not the reason she couldn't get back up.

Murmurs quivered on the observation deck once again. This appeared too easy and I appeared to be taking my time too much. Many scrambled notes down while shaking their heads.

I stalked her from the side as she had her head turned towards me and tilted back, panting lightly. I pounced and knocked her onto her side then shifted to pull her shoulder down so her entire backside was exposed. I positioned myself carefully, tiling my head to the side so my saw-like row of upper teeth aligned with her nape. Her breath was hoarse and raspy. She had clearly given up.

"M e r c y..." I growled before swiftly turning my head all the way to the other side, slicing her nape in one deep swipe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The powers that be" wound up being the phrase of choice for the title of this chapter from the lyrics of Muse's "Mercy." Seemed fairly befitting given there are many powers in play here.
> 
> My eternal thanks for getting this past 100 Kudos, and then some. I could not have imagined getting that landmark when I hit 50, seriously. And do not hesitate to comment to give feedback or hit me up on Tumblr. We love hearing from readers! I also will drop a little Reibert piece for Reibert Week!

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/radicallindsay) (meta analysis, Reiner & Bertolt, Marley) | [PSAs/Updates](http://radicallindsay.tumblr.com/tagged/radicalpsa)


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